Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

[RoachPussy]

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

Plus when people are travelling it’s far more rude, imo, to say “when your flight lands on Xmas Eve just pop to the shops and grab some chocolates/wine/etc”

We're hosting our first Xmas with 14 family members and our family are bringing different bits of food. Someone's bring the beef and gammon joint, roast potatoes and pudding. We are supplying the alcohol, Turkey, veg etc.

I suppose it depends on their financial status really. Not something I would do but in a different position if everyone (except mum) had to chip in so we could all have dinner together I don't see an issue at all.

We're going to my daughter and SIL this year with others. I'm doing a turkey crown and dauphinoise potatoes and others are doing veg and dessert. I'm also popping 30 quid into her account just to help a little. She hasn't asked for any money contributions but it's a fair thing to do I think.

We used to go for the everybody bring something to the feast method - starter/wine/dessert when we were having large Christmas Day meals. We as hosts would do the main course turkey, ham and all the other bits. We were happy to do that. I don't like the asking for money contributions way of doing this. I think it's much better if someone's asked instead to bring something specific to the feast to serve x amount of people instead.

In our family no one ‘charges’ or ‘asks for money’. We offer, and gladly, pro-actively contribute.

When I know my sibling has spent £100 plus on a Turkey, more than that for a rib of beef (Boxing Day), endless extras, turning up with a bottle of Merlot and a frozen cheesecake isn’t going to work.

I think it's fine to say 'can you bring dessert' or sides or the booze. But asking for a cash amount just seems weird.

This always baffles me.

why is it weird to say “the cost was £100 so for 10 people that’s £10 each” but saying “you spend £20 on this, and you spend £15 on that” not weird?

We used to have massive extended family Christmases when I was a child - about 26 people. All the families used to contribute financially towards the food and drink. We hosted Christmas lunch, a buffet in the evening (and the parties went on until the small hours), cooked breakfast, then a late cold lunch on Boxing Day, and anyone who was still there on Boxing Day night got sandwiches and snacks. It worked well.

Well sorry but shes probably paying about £80+ for the turkey alone

A few years ago a family member hosted dinner for about 30 family members and we were asked to chip in £10 each, I think it was right to contribute as I don’t think it’s fair for one family to take all the hit.

I cook a three course dinner for everyone plus a buffet meal in the evening. No way would I dream of asking for money it's Christmas. If I was that skint I would rather not invite anyone and say I'm not cooking for everyone and ask them to do their own Christmas dinners.

Our family briefly tried the cash contribution option. I was fine when DM wanted a reasonable amount When my greedy, tight, rich cousin did it she wanted an eye watering amount that meant her family of five wouldn't have to pay out a cent & would enjoy leftovers for days.

In the end it put a lot of work onto one household and people complained their favourite salad/desert that X or Y makes was missing. So we're back to who brings what & everyone's happy.

Whatever way you do it, everyone should contribute.

My sister usually hosts as she has the biggest house, I usually buy the meat or offer cash. Last year she was on mat leave and I paid for most of the food and contributed to drinks. I would happily pay for it all every year as I appreciate all the work it takes to host even though we all pitch in. She doesn't ask for contributions though, or charge those who don't contribute.

I think it is an awful idea to ask for cash. Much rather a contribution. Say the wine or the cheeses etc. I have two extra at my table every year DB and my friend who has no family. I have never asked them for money. When they say should I bring everything I always say we are liking forward to spending time with you. They are decent lovely people though so never come empty handed. My DB usually brings all the chocs/white and red wine/ table treats for the kids and a giant cake. My friend usually rocks up loaded with extras too. The only reason for your DSis asking is maybe your family members do literally turn up empty handed and it grates on her ?? Most people I know never turn up Empty handed.

I’ve never been charged however the rising costs of stuff I would think of it more as chipping it - we have offered my MIL this year to help with desserts or we’d of bought the Turkey but she said no. X

We have a get together before the shop, write the list out together then a couple of us go shopping then add the receipts together and split it between us. Works every year with no arguments and the host isn't footing the bill on their own!

Personally I think it's weird charging someone for something YOU have invited them to when it was your choice to invite them, I mean if you can't afford to do a Xmas dinner without charging people to come just don't make one I don't see whats difficult about that?just coz it's Xmas day that doesn't mean you have to have a roast dinner with all the trimmings there's plenty of people out there that will most likely not be having a roast coz they don't like them or just don't want 1 etc.
But to charge your own family members for feeding them nah and whoever used the excuse turkeys are expensive over £100 before everything give over I went into asda yesterday got a medium full turkey £17.50 and the extra large ones were at most £30 I don't even think they were that much so no need for the melodrama anyway I am the type of person who will help anyone and everyone so I would never charge for Xmas Dinner or any other food for that matter but some people are only money oriented and that's sad.

I would never charge or expect to be charged. But that said I would always take something, be it a pudding or nibbles, likewise if someone offers to bring something I take them up on it.

I cant imagine charging but I also wouldnt cook a dinner I couldnt afford. We are doing pasta for that reason.

I also cant imagine turning up to someones house without a dish like cheeses, or a pudding - first having checked with the host its wanted

£20 sounds like a great deal, you come in..pay your £20, eat like a king, drink like an alchie and stay toasty warm at someone's expense and you get to leave without doing anything.

The things you don't have to do for this £20...

Shopping for everyone's dietary requirements. Just doing a normal Christmas food shop is a headache as it gets closer to the time, but add in a celeiac, vegan, vegetarian, someone with diverticulitis and so on..makes it 10x worse.

Prepping all the food, depends how many she's doing it for and how she will split the work load, but a Christmas dinner for more than your average sized family can be hard going.

Making sure the guests are happy. Will they have enough food, will it be cooked to their liking. Did she get auntie Sharon's favourite fucking drink they drank back in the 50's, uncle simons lager that no one else will drink!

It all adds up, £20 is literally 1 chefs wage, for 1hour. She will be doing a big job, and it will take her longer than an hour.

I give my mum £40 towards her Christmas shop every year. Will probably give her £60 this year as the prices have gone up. This includes soup to start, chateaubriand and turkey and all the bits on the side for a main and also a dessert, usually cheesecake and trifle to choose from. As far as I’m concerned it’s not her job to pay for my children and I to eat. She does us a favour every year cooking everything to perfection. It’s the least I can do.

I wouldn't charge but get everyone to bring something. However I think it's also fair if everybody contributes financially too as its so expensive hosting and even if everyone does bring something the host ends up spending much more. I would just be delighted someone was cooking for me.

I think it’s a bit crass, but it is difficult in these tough times. I would think bringing a dessert or wine etc would be a better way of approaching it. £20 seems quite a lot too.

Honestly - it depends on so many circumstances. I wouldn’t do it, no. But then we are lucky enough to have no money worries. My friend used to host 14 guests from the US every year; they obviously couldn’t bring a pudding or whatever, so insisted on giving her money to chip in for provisions. (Otherwise her grocery bill would have run into the thousands for the length of their stay.)

So - depends on how rich you are, how rich everyone else is, whether the guests contribute in other ways, whether you always do it or you take it in turns etc etc.