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Original poster

Messed up with DDs gift

212 replies

honeyandbutterontoast · 25/12/2021 08:17

Am so cross with myself.

DD19 is notoriously fussy with gifts. Every year there is something she hates and the result is Christmas pretty much ruined.

So this year I asked for an exact list from her so we could all enjoy the day! One of the items was a watch, she sent a link to the watch she wanted and also said it could be one like that.

Watch was over budget really but I thought best to get the one she linked to. Because it was a special gift I paid a bit extra to get it engraved. As soon as it arrived I knew she would hate it as it was chunky. I stupidly hadn’t done a ton of research on it as I just thought I would get the one she wanted.

She hates it. Has gone off in a strop midway gift opening. Her sister is crying. I’m cross with myself for not being more careful, although I’m not sure what else I could have done? And of course it can’t be returned because of the engraving Sad

OP posts:
CSJobseeker · 25/12/2021 08:31

I assume she's stropped off to her bedroom? Honestly just leave her there. Don't try to coax her down. Don't apologise or promise to give her something else.

Carry on with your Xmas day and leave her to stew.

OvenBakedOwl · 25/12/2021 08:31

I don't think this pile on is particularly kind. None of us have any idea what her issues are and none of us can actually do much to assist of advise and repeated cries of ' spoilt brat' would be upsetting for me to read if this was my daughter.

Badfootkk · 25/12/2021 08:33

Oh dear never mind. Ignore her behaviour,do not let it set the tone for the rest of the day. Her emotions are hers alone. Make the most of the rest of the day. Let her sulk .

LiterallyKnowsBest · 25/12/2021 08:33

Every year there is something she hates and the result is Christmas pretty much ruined.

It’s a pity this wasn’t nipped in the bud about 16 years ago. ‘MH issues’ simply isn’t a reason. Presumably she’s well enough to enjoy all the benefits of a family Christmas? But has been allowed to believe she has the right to ruin the day for everyone else - every year.

Some of us know even older adults like that. We refuse to spend Christmas with them.

But I hope the rest of your day is better!

Original poster
honeyandbutterontoast · 25/12/2021 08:33

Thank you all. I actually feel a bit better about it now. Felt sick for weeks knowing what her reaction would be.

Don’t want to out on the MH issues except to say she was a perfectly nice kid before she got ill and I know this kind of overreaction to things is part of her illness but it’s so draining. She’s kind of stuck in a little child zone at Christmas.

I should have double checked but tbh that’s the whole reason I asked for an exact list. If I’d gone “off list” I could have found a nicer and cheaper watch but I thought it would be safer to get the exact one 🙄

Anyhow they are off to their dads in a bit, so I will have a little cry about it all then and get over it. Just wish for once I could have nailed a “perfect” Christmas!!

OP posts:
RAOK · 25/12/2021 08:33

Money from now on, no more gifts!

Loudestcat14 · 25/12/2021 08:34

Having MH issues doesn't excuse her behaving brattishly. Tell her she's being out of order ruining the morning and upsetting her sister and if she continues to be selfish she can stay in her room all day.

duvetdayforeveryone · 25/12/2021 08:34

Make it clear to her this is the last year you are buying her presents, and next year 1st December 2022 she will be given cash so she can do it herself.

Loudestcat14 · 25/12/2021 08:35

Missed your last post! Let her dad deal with her, pour yourself a glass of something nice and enjoy the rest of your day.

username1293948 · 25/12/2021 08:35

She needs to grow the hell up. No way would I be letting a 19 year old ruin Christmas for everyone else. Ignore her and get on with the day. And you need to grow some balls and stand up to your daughter a bit tbh.

duvetdayforeveryone · 25/12/2021 08:36

Why are you going to cry?!?

Repeat after me: "Not my fucking problem!"

Runkle · 25/12/2021 08:36

She chose it, nevermind YOU doing the research - she should have. She's being a madam MH issues or not.

Catfox1 · 25/12/2021 08:36

My Mum would have had me out on my ass for that

duvetdayforeveryone · 25/12/2021 08:37

So wait, she told you what to buy and she still doesn't like it?!? WOAH!

Either she cheers up or send her to her room!

flapjackfairy · 25/12/2021 08:38

There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas btw x

talkalarm · 25/12/2021 08:39

Have you asked a professional if stropping at Xmas gifts is part of her mental health problem? I suspect it's not, I can't think of one that is

ilovebagpuss · 25/12/2021 08:39

Yes it’s not ideal behaviour even with MH issues. Perhaps next year you could go together for the special gift and choose it and then put it away for Christmas Day. We did this with a Pandora bracelet this year not for your reasons but I did want my DD to be able to choose the style etc.
Perhaps the whole thing overwhelms your DD and knowing what she has chosen and that it is ready wrapped will take that stress off.

newyearsresolurion · 25/12/2021 08:42

Enjoy your day have a glass wine can't she stay at her dads today? I wouldn't want to see her

TrashyPanda · 25/12/2021 08:42

You have done nothing wrong. You have done exactly what she wanted and it still isn’t good enough

MH issues aside, your DD has chosen to act like this. Not liking a present is not an excuse to ruin Xmas for everyone else.

She has created a scenario where everyone is tiptoeing around her behaviour. That is very controlling of her, and of course it has a detrimental affect on everyone else’s MH

AlternativePerspective · 25/12/2021 08:42

Sick of MH being used as a get-out card for shit behaviour.

It’s shit behaviour irrespective of the excuses given and I wouldn’t stand for it.

Don’t apologise, don’t cry, she’s not worth it, and send her off to her dad’s and let him deal with the next temper tantrum when he doesn’t measure up either.

Original poster
honeyandbutterontoast · 25/12/2021 08:43

ilovebagpuss
Why did I not think of that? We could have had a watch shopping trip and that would have taken all of the stress out of it. Will remember that for next year.
If I don’t just give her bloody vouchers!
I was so smug at the beginning of the month when I was just ordering from her list and sure this year we could avoid this. But lesson learnt.

OP posts:
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 25/12/2021 08:43

Why are you pandering to this brat?

TheCreamCaker · 25/12/2021 08:43

She sounds a spoilt, entitled sod. You've enabled that selfish behaviour. Put a stop to it and don't get her much for her next birthday.

MindyStClaire · 25/12/2021 08:43

The poor sister. Does your other DD actually want to go with her to their dad's and presumably have to deal with similar there? Would she rather stay with you?

SerfNTerf · 25/12/2021 08:44

She sounds like a spoilt little shit, MH issues or not Hmm and I wouldn't be pandering to it, I'd be telling her to get a fucking grip.

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