How do I make it look like I have more presents than I do?

[FakingItForHer]

Single parent to a 7yo DD.

ExH never takes DD shopping for presents for me, so I get nothing.

Mum has said she can’t afford anything for me, has bought DD a small something.

My brother doesn’t buy for anyone.

My granddad has given me some money to get myself a present so I’ve bought myself a Fire Stick (I wanted one) and a posh box of chocolates, these are wrapped up under my granddads tree as I’ll go to his house for lunch.

My dad has got me a couple of small bits. And I have a stocking which has some smarties and a bath bomb so far.

But that’s it.

My best friend and I do Christmas 2.0 on New Years Eve and she will spoil me and DD but it’s our tradition which we love after a busy family Christmas (and I always look forward to it as does BF so can’t change it).

My extended family (aunts, uncles etc) only buy for children so I only buy for theirs so no presents there.

So it looks like I might have nothing much to open. I obviously want to show DD that we don’t give to receive but she is going to be heartbroken to think I get very little at Christmas.

So basically I want to fake it. Because I’m not bothered about the presents really as long as DD has a lovely time and goes to her dads (2pm Christmas Day) happy and oblivious. I much prefer seeing the magic for DD and enjoying the day with my family, but DD loves giving presents and will want me to be happy she always says I'm the best mum in the world and I should be very very very happy and she doesn't like me sad

So suggestions to fake Christmas?

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Could you go to somewhere like B and M or the Range and give your DD some money for her to buy you a present - you could wait outside so as not to spoil the surprise. Or could you give your mum or a friend some money to take your DD shopping for a present for you?

This is what my mom used to do for me so I could wrap her something.

Only read OP’s posts, but just tell DD your presents are under grandad’s tree and you’ll show them yo her later.

You could even re-wrap them and open them with dd.

Wrap up things you already have or just buy some things you want for yourself. It's something she's learnt from you though and as much as you say it's for her, not you, and that you don't care your post suggests you really do care (which is fine but you should be honest with yourself).

Also if stockings are from Santa can't you take out the bath bomb and smarties and have them as gifts? Just tell her Santa doesn't deliver to adults.

I've bought myself lots of books from the charity shop and dc will wrap them with my mum. I don't get anything either as a single parent with no other family so I buy my own. I have huge anxiety around unwrapping presents (ASD) and so there are no surprises to stress me out. I do myself a stocking too with chocolates/sweets. Dd has said if I buy myself what I'd like she will wrap it.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas!

Why would you want the message to your DD to be that having lots of presents is so important that you would fake it.

I’d just ram raid a supermarket or poundland.
Maltesers boxes always seem a treat compared to a packet.
Socks
Shortbread mentioned up thread
Poundland have round tubes of rolos and jelly tots which would be great for bulking a stocking out.
A different shower gel to your usual one
Bath bomb
Maybe a keyring or new pen

That’s a tenner and looks alot

I tell my DDs that I ask people to give to charity on my behalf at Christmas (which is true)

Could you say that? Teaches a good lesson at same time

You have presents at your friends, your Grandads, your DF had bought you stuff and you have a stocking. You have lots of presents they are just spread out in various households.

@MalbecandToast

She isn't a baby, if she asks why you have less presents just tell her.

This. Much better than lying.

I wouldn’t fake it with gifts , but how about buying a helium balloon and taping bits of paper to it with all the lovely things you and DD have done over the year , how happy she makes you and what has made you smile and tell her you feel like it’s Christmas every day and that’s the best gift you could ever have …. And how you don’t need stuff ..

Do some baking or crafts with her and get her to wrap them up.

I'm a single parent. I'm not sure I'll get any presents to open if I'm honest. This is a complete non issue. My kids won't bat an eye lid as Xmas morning is for opening presents from father Xmas ( delivered to children not adults) surly?

We often don't do presents at all (for mum and dad) my wee one has been told santa tries to bring toys to all
boys and girls and not adults so it's never an issue.

If you have one or two things to open does she think they're from Santa? I think that's plenty as Santa is for kids?

If you start to chat to her now about it and get it in her head then she won't expect you to have much, if anything. She sounds very thoughtful and kind that she wants you to have something but perhaps a conversation about adults buying each other presents and this costing money would make it more realistic for her to understand why you don't have piles of presents also.

When my wee one starts with a massive list for Santa I tell him not to be greedy as Santa can only bring one or two things and needs to get round all the boys and girls so he understands that there may not be piles of presents there and will (hopefully) be grateful for what is.

I’m pretty sure this is about you feeling upset you don’t have more presents, not your daughter. Adults often don’t you know.

If she’s asked in the past just explain to her that kids get way more presents.

Also, take her shopping for you - give her a tenner, and say you’ll stay behind her/hide your eyes so you can’t see what she bought. Buy on thing you’d like for yourself. Do some gingermen baking with her as PP says and get her to wrap that up for you, your granddad and your mate.

There’s 3.

Just re-reading again. If DD wants to give you presents have her make you something if going out shopping for something to gift you isn't an option. Making something to give you will be far more special anyway.

Also, I haven't had a Xmas gift from Aunties/grans/extended family since I was 11/12. That ship sailed a long time ago as it gets out of hand very quickly. My gran used to give us £10 and a tube of smarties.

I think it would be worthwhile to explain to her how presents get there - for you not the Santa thing. Otherwise she may start to doubt the magic of Santa if she is confused. At age 7 I'd expect her to have a fair understanding of being fair, greedy, items costing money and working to earn money. All of which is needed to buy others presents.

I have saved and purchased presents for family members from around age 9

I’ve re read the thread. I hold to my earlier comments about adults really not needing lots of presents and a focus on this, usually being a sign of adult immaturity BUT I am also re-thinking about your particular context OP and understanding a bit more why this is important to you and perhaps it’s not about you personally having gifts to show off.

I can see that gift opening when there are just 2 of you isn’t the event it can be with a bigger crowd. I understand it’s about your child’s experience of WATCHING presents opened as well as her own, which creates the whole experience, and you’d like her to have that experience. Other posters who have said they wished they could have bought their single parents a gift but couldn’t, shows the feelings children can feel about this….and that children can be very empathetic about others missing out.

I think Op, that perhaps you could wrap a couple of extra little bits for yourself. As others say, it’s about something to open and doesn’t really matter what the items are. It will also be important to deliver a message that you’re not sad but enjoying it all….because if your DC gets a sense of people being disappointed at fewer gifts it sets them up to feel like that and never be pleased with what they get in future.

I have several friends whose ex-husbands always make sure the children have a gift to give their mother. They know the children are small and don’t have money or the ability to shop by themselves. Even though they don’t really get on with the mother anymore, they want their children to have the ‘giving’ experience part of Christmas as well as getting, and so they take their kids out to buy gifts for grandparents etc and include the mother in that, just as couples who are together often will. Perhaps you can lead by example and help your DC get a gift for her father. You can even tell him you’ve done it, so she gets to join in with ‘giving’ as you know it’s important to her. He might remember this for next year. If not, you might be able to ask a friend or relative if they can take her to get you a small gift. I know lots of school fetes used to have a separate room where kids could go and get a parent a surprise gift. The kids liked this a lot and some of the gifts chosen were hilarious, but the thought meant a lot to oarents.

Also a single parent to a 7 year old who won't have many presents under the tree. Do you have an elf? Last year she really wanted to get me my favourite chocolate & there is no-one to help her, so the elf secretly delivered the chocolate with wrapping paper & sellotape & she was so, so happy to give me a "proper" gift. He's going to help her again this year, not because I want presents but because she truly enjoyed giving me a gift. Perhaps if you don't have an elf Father Christmas could leave her a secret parcel one day?