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Christmas

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Original poster

How do I make it look like I have more presents than I do?

217 replies

FakingItForHer · 10/12/2021 14:38

Single parent to a 7yo DD.

ExH never takes DD shopping for presents for me, so I get nothing.

Mum has said she can’t afford anything for me, has bought DD a small something.

My brother doesn’t buy for anyone.

My granddad has given me some money to get myself a present so I’ve bought myself a Fire Stick (I wanted one) and a posh box of chocolates, these are wrapped up under my granddads tree as I’ll go to his house for lunch.

My dad has got me a couple of small bits. And I have a stocking which has some smarties and a bath bomb so far.

But that’s it.

My best friend and I do Christmas 2.0 on New Years Eve and she will spoil me and DD but it’s our tradition which we love after a busy family Christmas (and I always look forward to it as does BF so can’t change it).

My extended family (aunts, uncles etc) only buy for children so I only buy for theirs so no presents there.

So it looks like I might have nothing much to open. I obviously want to show DD that we don’t give to receive but she is going to be heartbroken to think I get very little at Christmas.

So basically I want to fake it. Because I’m not bothered about the presents really as long as DD has a lovely time and goes to her dads (2pm Christmas Day) happy and oblivious. I much prefer seeing the magic for DD and enjoying the day with my family, but DD loves giving presents and will want me to be happy she always says I'm the best mum in the world and I should be very very very happy and she doesn't like me sad

So suggestions to fake Christmas?

OP posts:
TeaMeBasil · 10/12/2021 16:41

I understand what you mean.

If you don't want to spend much on yourself, how about popping into a charity shop or two and picking up a few books or something for yourself & wrapping them up?

kickupafuss · 10/12/2021 16:42

I'm a single parent too and don't get many presents. One year my DC insisted that I hang up a stocking for Father Christmas. I just filled it with spare toiletries from the cupboard and other things that I already owned. They were fine with that.

Yika · 10/12/2021 16:43

I don't think this issue is at all about materialism. It's about sharing both the joy of receiving, and the joy of giving.

I see some people above are saying that only the children get Christmas presents in their household - but in my view it's a very different dynamic when there are several children unwrapping presents, or if there is one child but two parents who are enjoying their adult no-present Christmas together, versus when there is only one parent, and one child.

I love the idea above of creating a new tradition where you have a shopping outing where you each buy something for the other.

Another idea could be for her to take responsibility for a Christmas task, e.g. you relax while she decorates a beautiful Christmas table ready for Christmas morning.

lightisnotwhite · 10/12/2021 16:43

Seriously you are doing a good thing by showing “stuff” doesn’t make you happy.
The idea behind Christmas gifts is in the joy of giving. She would do better to lean that.

Psychonabike · 10/12/2021 16:44

Loads of families don't do adult gifting at Xmas.

I think this is about your own expectations, as well as how you've managed your daughters expectations.

I can't imagine any of my children counting the number of anyone's gifts. What would even be the right number?

Be honest @FakingItForHer, is this about your own feelings about Christmas and the gifts you receive, and are you projecting a bit here?

Spottybluepyjamas · 10/12/2021 16:44

Two presents is fine though - I've never had more than one or two since I've been an adult. I don't really see the need in it, and surely it's better for her to see that happiness doesn't come from the amount of presents that you get, but from the people you're with, and the happiness that you see in them.

Sorry I know that isn't what you asked and probably sounds really corny, but I would be embracing the happiness of spending the time together, rather than the amount of presents.

If you really have to, maybe just wrap some things that you've already got - she's young enough not to notice.

Greenrubber · 10/12/2021 16:46

I tell my DD that santa gets presents for the kids the adults don't get much because we already have everything we need

AliceThorpe · 10/12/2021 16:46

I did not think it was unusual for adults to not have many presents. We have a family agreement in our wider family that we only give to under 18's.
I will get one thing from my husband if I bother to choose it and probably send off for it myself. (I tend not to want stuff lying around anyway).
He almost certainly wont even bother to choose anything so I might get him a cheap book or t-shirt that I wont be annoyed gets charity shopped in 3 months.

aspirational · 10/12/2021 16:48

Can your mum or dad suggest to your daughter that she makes you something? Then the gift is coming from her?
Drawing, bookmark, bake some cookies under their supervision, a bird feeder ball?

BrutusMcDogface · 10/12/2021 16:48

Wrap up stuff you already have?

Strawberry33 · 10/12/2021 16:52

You are a grown adult woman.. it’s not
About presents and I and many other people get absolutely nothing. The only way your
Daughter would be upset or even consider
It is if you make it one. You should be teaching her it doesn’t matter. I’m any case you are lucky to get four.

lockdownalli · 10/12/2021 16:55

I understand @FakingItForHer I used to have the same problem.

It just felt awkward.

I used to wrap up anything I bought myself before Christmas that I could feasibly explain away as a present. Clothing, nice food, even things like shower gel.

Or buy yourself a few different chocolate type things. A choc orange is only a pound, a bag of chocolate coins, similar stuff?

Is there a book you want to read?

You may have left it a bit late this year but maybe for next year?

ButteredOwl · 10/12/2021 16:55

So many pious martyrs on here Grin

I understand OP and I'm one of those materialistic types who likes a pile of gifts for myself. I missed the memo about how no adult should ever receive a gift and if they do, it must be just the one and must be from a pound shop

You don't mention your finances OP. If I were you, I'd treat myself to some bits and wrap them up. Alternatively id give my DD some money to order me bits and pieces and when they arrive, get her to wrap them without you seeing.

Sunshine1235 · 10/12/2021 16:57

I don’t think this is that unusual, DH and I exchange small presents on Christmas Day but it’s usually just one or two each. If the children noticed I think we would just say that we don’t need gifts or that Christmas is a special time regardless of presents.

If you’re really worried about it you could go to a chocolate shop or something and get her to choose something for you while you hover nearby and look the other way. Or buys yourself a few things you would have bought anyway and wrap them up c

FedUpFelicia · 10/12/2021 17:13

Growing up I thought that adults got chocolate and wine from Father Christmas and children got toys. I think you need to address how she views Christmas and not the number of gifts under the tree.

BoredZelda · 10/12/2021 17:15

Could you wrap up stuff you already have? At 7 I doubt she will realise.

She’s 7, she’s not stupid.

OP, just explain that adults don’t get as many gifts as children and that you’ve got stuff from your friend coming later.

user14943608381 · 10/12/2021 17:16

What about you and her doing some x mas baking? Nice and easy things, jam tarts, shortbreads could then get some of those little cellophane food package wrap things and cheap little bows and you’ve got them to open, plus a few to give away?

Cheap photo frame from b&m, she could chose her favourite photo of you and keep it as a surprise, and pop that in there. Could do some arts and crafts together to decorate the frame too. Might be nice and really sentimental and you’d probably treasure forever?

Both ideas are less than a tenner together and would give you somethings to open and fuss over, she might think it better as she’s directly made them too? Just a thought

Winduprobot · 10/12/2021 17:19

I agree with the PP who said that when it's just two of you it really changes the dynamic. Your daughter sounds lovely, not materialistic and grabby, but concerned about sharing her lovely morning with you equally. That's very sweet.

I wonder if it's less the quantity she's getting upset about, though, more that she doesn't have anything to give you and she's expressing that by worrying about presents from others. My setup was much the same as yours at your daughter's age and I remember her being quite frantic at the thought of having nothing to give me (my mum was able to help so it was never a problem, but I remember her fretting about it).

I agree with others that if you can you sneak a friend or your mum £10 and get them to take your daughter somewhere that might help a lot.

Doomscrolling · 10/12/2021 17:22

By faking it you are perpetuating a misconception you'll be keeping up with for years.

Just explain that grown ups don't get lots of presents, and that's OK.

Christmas1988 · 10/12/2021 17:24

Can you give your daughter £10 or so and tell her to choose something for you, you can stand outside a shop whilst she goes in. Earring from Claire’s or something as that’s a small shop?

Feckauras · 10/12/2021 17:44

Op, your dd will be too busy checking out her own stash to worry about yours, I know my 7year old will be. If she asks what did you get, you can say what you have and that you’ll be getting more presents later on? Doubt you’ll be interrogated by your DD on your quantity of gifts.

OppsUpsSide · 10/12/2021 17:48

This is quite easy to answer really, either buy yourself some small bits and pieces or wrap some bits you already have.

hereigoagainon · 10/12/2021 17:52

If it makes you feel any better I will be getting fuck all this year Smile

thedefinitionofmadness · 10/12/2021 17:53

I think it's just all a bit more heightened for the OP as she only has the morning with her DD and its only the 2 of them.

It is not the sign of a materialistic child, at all, to want her mum, who probably does everything for her, to feel the same excitement and pleasure of having a gift at Xmas. As I said upthread I'd help her to get you something - make something or go to a shop together - it doesn't have to be an object lesson in frugality and worthiness.

Exchange of gifts is a centuries old tradition at this time of year.

Firstruleofsoupover · 10/12/2021 18:01

I bought a pot of basil in Tesco yesterday which smells really nice, and it occurred to me that, given a bit of nice fabric and a bow round it, it is pretty much universally acceptable gift to most folk, regardless of gender, who have a kitchen of any sort. Even those who say "do not buy me anything because I have all I need and do not spend any money on me" yet you do want to give something to. Could your daughter do the fabric and bow bit?

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