How do I make it look like I have more presents than I do?

[FakingItForHer]

Single parent to a 7yo DD.

ExH never takes DD shopping for presents for me, so I get nothing.

Mum has said she can’t afford anything for me, has bought DD a small something.

My brother doesn’t buy for anyone.

My granddad has given me some money to get myself a present so I’ve bought myself a Fire Stick (I wanted one) and a posh box of chocolates, these are wrapped up under my granddads tree as I’ll go to his house for lunch.

My dad has got me a couple of small bits. And I have a stocking which has some smarties and a bath bomb so far.

But that’s it.

My best friend and I do Christmas 2.0 on New Years Eve and she will spoil me and DD but it’s our tradition which we love after a busy family Christmas (and I always look forward to it as does BF so can’t change it).

My extended family (aunts, uncles etc) only buy for children so I only buy for theirs so no presents there.

So it looks like I might have nothing much to open. I obviously want to show DD that we don’t give to receive but she is going to be heartbroken to think I get very little at Christmas.

So basically I want to fake it. Because I’m not bothered about the presents really as long as DD has a lovely time and goes to her dads (2pm Christmas Day) happy and oblivious. I much prefer seeing the magic for DD and enjoying the day with my family, but DD loves giving presents and will want me to be happy she always says I'm the best mum in the world and I should be very very very happy and she doesn't like me sad

So suggestions to fake Christmas?

You said you have a second Christmas with your best friend when she spoils you - I don't understand why you have to have another pile of presents to open on the day itself. You are bringing your daughter up to be materialistic.

I think people are being so mean..!

OP if you don't have the money to buy things for yourself or there is nothing you want I would wrap up some things you have eg. Books, nice shower gel. Buy yourself some festive socks or new slippers perhaps too. Presents don't have to cost much.

This is close to my heart as growing up my mum never got presents from my dad or took us shopping (they were together until I was 13!) and I've always felt awful for my mum. I'm 29 and overbuy for her because I feel bad that she doesn't have much.

I think it would be really nice for her to have something for you on Christmas morning. Could one of the other adults help her order something reasonable on line (with you funding it, of course)? She could probably even order it gift-wrapped, so there’s a nice package and it'll be fun for her too to see you open it. Or she could make something - even something like a special Christmas drawing of the two of you and pop it in a big decorated envelope or roll it up with a fancy Christmas ribbon. Then you can tell her you love whatever she gave you AND it's also a great Christmas gift that the two of you are together and safe and well and happy and can spend Christmas morning together. Let her see that you're genuinely happy and not disappointed, not needing/wanting for anything for the moment.

If she fusses when it’s time to go, maybe ask her quietly if she can keep a secret and tell her you’ve heard that there’s another really nice surprise for you at grandpa’s house and you’re excited about that. Tell her when you’re both back home, you’ll show her, and she can show you anything she gets at her dad’s (assuming she does get presents there).

If you really want to add extra gifts for yourself, I'd go with wrapping up things you'd buy anyway, or buying yourself a few treats if they're in the budget. I'd probably stay away from things that she might have seen around the house. Of course, it depends on your budget but toiletries, make-up, snacks she knows you like, a magazine, necessities like socks, mittens, underwear, hair acccessories can all bulk up the stocking. If you need something like a replacement cord for your mobile or earbuds or a hairbrush or batteries, pop it in there and then say "Oh, good - I've been needing this!"

Is there something you plan to buy in the January sales? You could put a Christmas card under the tree with your name on the envelope and say “Santa” (or whomever) has given you money or a gift card to buy some clothes in the sales, or a new mobile, or whatever it is. It may not seem the most exciting gift to open, but she can see you’re happy that you’ll be able to get this thing you want/need.

In your situation can you not say that grown-ups just don't buy one another as many presents as they buy for kids and it's normal? I think it'd be better to normalise that not everyone gets much than to create an impression there's something 'wrong' if you don't. For a start your LO might have peers who don't get an awful lot as well and it helps to understand that.

Do you sit looking miserable all day if you’ve not got enough presents? You must be visibly showing your sadness for your daughter to notice and be “heartbroken” about it.

Buck up you don't need presents. No one buys me anything - my sisters live abroad and may send something but it rarely arrives in time! I'm a widow for years now. My kids are of an age now where they can go out and get me something, so that's two presents. I bought myself some scent but I don't think I'll wrap it! I also will buy myself a cashmere jumper but again I'm not going to bother wrapping it. I don't think kids notice.

Not read the thread but you could buy for her and her for you. We buy our children their main present and other things from father Christmas. Could you take her Christmas shopping? Get her to do some jobs around the house and pay her pocket money? She could then use it to buy gifts. My DD (7) gets £10 and a trip to pound shop or Asda so she can get people bits. She wraps them herself and puts them under the tree.

When my neice was old enough, I used to take her to get something for her mum and dad and grandma and grandad.
My hubby took our kids to buy for me and I did the same with them for him.
He died in 2016. My kids were 13 and 14. Christmas is a but shitty now, but I was lucky enough there were 2 of them to go hunt for pressies. But I have taken to wrapping something I haven't opened and popping it under the tree for me at times when I have gone a bit mad with their presents.
An alternative is to write something for you on pieces of card and wrap them - run in the Park, visit a beach and eat chips, have a haircut; eat a takeaway etc you could do one per month each and do them through the year together.

Your BF sounds amazing, so have fun x

Op you need to talk to your daughter and let her know it doesn't bother you (I am so sorry if it does) or she's going to spend her life trying to make up for the crap Christmas she thinks you're having by spending (take it from someone who married into a family where everythingis about the presents!) . Christmas is about the people you love, rubbish tv and food. Tell her that. As well as that wrapping up token gifts will just be depressing for you! Hugs op

I’m a single parent and only have two presents - one from each of my DCs. I just say I’m very happy with them and you don’t tend to get as many presents as an adult.

If you do this this year aren’t you going to have the same thing every Christmas?

Either wrap stunt presents or stick a smile on and don't mention it!

I'd be concerned that a 7yo would be heartbroken that a parent only got 2 gifts! I think we are losing the plot with Christmas, just say mummy has less presents as they are more expensive and you are very happy with your gifts.

Is this a joke?

Sounds so odd

Wrap up things from the pound shop

Tell your child Santa dropped off money into your bank account

Or better yet tell her xmas isn't about presents it's about love and family and aslong as you have her and your family then you have all you need

Also why don't you tell your child that you would love a handmade xmas card and or a handmade Paper star or bauble for the tree That way she can make you that and think she has given you the best gift ever

Just explain to her that presents can end up in different places, so you’ll get the rest of yours at Grandad’s while she’s at her Dad’s.

Explain that you’ll tell her all about what you got afterwards, maybe watch a film together on the Firestick.

It's nothing to do with being materialistic. It's to do with the daughter wanting things to be "fair".
OP I think if you explain to her that grownups don't need to get many presents at Christmas and that what make should happy is watching her unwrap hers, that will hopefully work.
But l think you have raised a child who is generous of spirit, not a materialistic one.

*what makes you happy

I take DD to the shop with me and I carry the basket and canvas bag. We walk around the shop and I get DD to put her choice of gifts for me under the bag. At the till I ask the shop lady to scan and pack the gift whilst I look away. Then I pay (or help DD to do so). She gets to buy me a surprise and loves it!!

You could also buy a box of biscuits, socks or similar and wrap them up for yourself.

Could Santa bring you a 'Party Pack' made up of the things you would normally buy for your friend coming to visit? Eg. a big bag of popcorn, crisps, nuts, nice biscuits, cakes, tins of Coke etc. Just things you would be buying anyway. You could even put them in a big wrapped box and wrap each item inside it too - that should make it look like you have lots of things to unwrap.

In our house we live our live through experiences not things.

So write down six things you want to do in 2022 with your daughter (e.g. go to the cinema, go to the ice cream parlour and buy the biggest sundae there, buy a book and spend x amount of time reading it per day, treat yourself to an at home spar evening etc) put them each in their own box and wrap them up. Nothing needs to be an expensive experience and you are hopefully able to put aside a small amount each week to pay for them so you don’t get a big hit.

You can then get planning dates with your daughter and put them in the calendar, proving to her that it’s not the presents but each other’s presence that’s important.

I dont have any family, because I used to be in care. I usually get one gift from a friend each year because she has picked up on this. She's the only person who gets me a birthday present too.

My children haven't picked up on it yet (they are 5,7 and 9), they are way too excited and so am I :)

If you do really want to fake Christmas then get yourself a few things that can look like a present but also be useful. A new diary/calendar, some fluffy socks etc.

Sorry but this seems very fishy to me.

Just explain to her ahead of Christmas Day that adults don't get many presents because they can buy their own things and don't need as much.
I rarely have much to open (like most adults I know) but get pleasure from watching ds open his.
It shouldn't be a big issue.

In our family, even with a Christmas Day with lots of people there, adults often have less than 5 presents to open. Quantity of gifts just isn’t a thing for the adults. The kids have more, but we dont go in for vast piles.

No-one is sad. We’re grown ups and don’t need lots of presents to have a good day.

I understand that you’re more sensitive to this, because of your context. Quite often, when people have less people in their life or there with them on Christmas Day, the amount of presents becomes a bigger deal and feels like it represents something about how loved or valued they are. It doesn’t at all….and it’s so important you remember that and that message comes across to your child too. You don’t neeed to be sad about having few presents, nor your DD to feel sad on your behalf. And the reality is that she will only feel like that if you have either explicitly or less explicitly shown her that’s how you feel.

Your worth and value is not shown by how many gifts you get or how much money is spent on you. I can understand people feeling a bit sad about not having people around them over cHristmas, but not about the size if their gift pile when they are adults.

I find it a bit immature and quite tasteless when adults need to boast to friends or on Facebook etc about what their spouse has got them or spent on themfor Christmas or Valentines Day or Birthday, or to discuss or show pics of their piles of presents. It’s the behaviour of small children before they’ve grown up even a little bit.