How do I make it look like I have more presents than I do?

[FakingItForHer]

Single parent to a 7yo DD.

ExH never takes DD shopping for presents for me, so I get nothing.

Mum has said she can’t afford anything for me, has bought DD a small something.

My brother doesn’t buy for anyone.

My granddad has given me some money to get myself a present so I’ve bought myself a Fire Stick (I wanted one) and a posh box of chocolates, these are wrapped up under my granddads tree as I’ll go to his house for lunch.

My dad has got me a couple of small bits. And I have a stocking which has some smarties and a bath bomb so far.

But that’s it.

My best friend and I do Christmas 2.0 on New Years Eve and she will spoil me and DD but it’s our tradition which we love after a busy family Christmas (and I always look forward to it as does BF so can’t change it).

My extended family (aunts, uncles etc) only buy for children so I only buy for theirs so no presents there.

So it looks like I might have nothing much to open. I obviously want to show DD that we don’t give to receive but she is going to be heartbroken to think I get very little at Christmas.

So basically I want to fake it. Because I’m not bothered about the presents really as long as DD has a lovely time and goes to her dads (2pm Christmas Day) happy and oblivious. I much prefer seeing the magic for DD and enjoying the day with my family, but DD loves giving presents and will want me to be happy she always says I'm the best mum in the world and I should be very very very happy and she doesn't like me sad

So suggestions to fake Christmas?

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Last year she refused to go to her dads until I'd opened more presents, I only had 2 last year as well (one from each parent then).

This isn’t normal and isn’t something you should be encouraging. At 7 she is old enough to learn that a certain amount of presents isn’t something to aim for.

Completely agree - why did she find this so upsetting last year? I’ve never heard of this being an issue. I’m wondering if there is some other issue that is concerning her

Wtf? Women are better drivers.
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/driving-men-women-better-study-uk-a8512706.html%3famp
On the whole. Certainly true in my experience.

Oops sorry wrong thread!

I’m perplexed. As adults and pre-children DH and I gave each other one gift each for Xmas. Once we had kids that stopped so none of our kids would have ever seen us open a gift at Xmas. Neither my parents or DH’s parents give gifts to adult children, only grandchildren and now they are adults that has stopped (rightly). I just can’t fathom how your daughter is so traumatised you don’t have lots of gifts to open?

Id bulk it out with every day stuff wrapped to look nice...shampoo, bubble bath etc. Or maybe a book or two you already have.

Perhaps you could help her make some gifts for her grandparents and dad (hand decorated cardboard photo frame/painted pen pot/coaster made from a drawing laminated in sticky back plastic, that kind of thing) - and then as it sounds like she’s the thoughtful type she’ll probably take the opportunity to make one for you too. Then she can wrap that and you’ll have that to open and make a fuss over on Christmas morning. I wouldn’t overthink it though - my kids have asked why I don’t get many presents and I just explain I’ve agreed with most other adults that we won’t exchange gifts as we have all we need - we’ve been getting presents for 40 years and have houses full of stuff!

@Haventhadaneggsinceeaster

Surely most adults don’t have loads of presents to open at Christmas. I think you are making a problem out of nothing! Just tell her that adults don’t tend to get loads of presents and sometimes presents don’t look like much but they cost a lot of money.

This

I'm getting one present (a book) that I bought myself 😁

@Confuuuzed

No further suggestions beyond the ones already made, but just wanted to add another post demonstrating empathy & experience of your situation. Its frustrating to read so many posts that refer to DPs/DHs and childREN where the posters clearly dont understand the different dynamic in a household of 2. My Dd is very similar - its not about you recieving a huge piles of presents, its about them wanting you to share the experience of joy/excitement in opening a few gifts. And given we get so much happiness watching them open theirs (and may well tell them that) its hardly suprising they may want a bit of time in that position too! I hope you both have a lovely Christmas OP.

Totally agree

I think setting the expectations high regarding gifts is going to make it harder in future years. Every year you will feel pressure to make it look like more.
Just explain that adults don't get many gifts. It's certainly true in our house.

I’m expecting one present from my husband under the tree but that’s it - my kids know that Father Christmas only brings for children and they are too young to shop. Stockings only for kids too. If you start faking it you’ll have to do that every year

I would just say to her that most of the presents go to children at Christmas, because adults can buy what they want when they need it, and the best present is spending time with their children and seeing their happy faces.

They're never too young to learn that Christmas is about way more than a big pile of presents.

That said, if you can afford it, why not treat yourself or wrap up a few bits you are going to need anyway - shower gel, socks, jumper., book.

This would be a great opportunity to show her that there's more to life than 'stuff'. She's 7, not 4, she can take that on board. The endless consumerism is doing none of us, or the planet, any good.

It depends upon your financial situation OP - either:

1. If you have enough cash, treat yourself to some things you really want and stick them in a gift bag (you can always say they were presents from your parents or a friend at work if DD asks).

1. If you just have a little cash, as above but think pound shop or similar. Maybe things like baubles/Christmas decorations which DD would also love.

1. If broke, go with a PP’s suggestion of wrapping up things you already own.

1. Regardless of financial situation, how about baking some nice Christmassy biscuits (some types can be made very cheaply and quickly) and unwrapping them in front of DD then sharing them with her?

I also like a PP’s suggestion of getting DD to make something for you (can be under your supervision as doesn’t need to be a surprise) then opening it on Christmas Day.

I'm not bothered by the actual gifts, I just want to make it look like I have more than I do for DDs sake.

But this isn't for your DDs sake. You're projecting your own adult expectations and disappointment about present giving at Christmas onto your DD. No way a 7yo is going to rationalise the quantity of your presents as being "not enough". You need to stop it because it's going to be something that will spoil her memory of Christmas. Children are influenced by their parents at the age of 7, so if you are happy when you're open your presents she'll pick up on your positivity.

My mum took DDs to get me a present but that is all I will have under the tree. We make Christmas about Jesus (who’d have thought!) not materialistic things and the girls know that all I really want is cuddles and time together. Buy a small puzzle or game, wrap it up for yourself and have fun playing it together

@CampagVelocet

This would be a great opportunity to show her that there's more to life than 'stuff'. She's 7, not 4, she can take that on board. The endless consumerism is doing none of us, or the planet, any good.

Absolutely! And the OPs DD is the future MN adult poster who's hung up on how many presents they got, what their value was and how miserable and neglected they feel because it was something for £20 when it should have been 10things for £500. Completely skewed values.

My parents were divorced and my mother was anxious about money. We were very much alone.
The nicest thing an adult could have done for my sister and I would have been to take us out, give us a fiver and let us buy something for our mother.
We would have been so pleased to have a way to buy her a present.

I really think you need to explain that adults don’t have many gifts. Constantly giving in and pussyfooting around children all the time is the reason they grow into spoilt, entitled teens. Seriously, without being unkind, you need to explain that Christmas is for children and grown ups don’t get many gifts. Santa really wants her to enjoy opening hers and not worry about yours or she won’t get any next year. We are bringing up real snowflakes, FFS!

It’s lovely that you’re thinking of your daughter. No help for now, but maybe next year start adding in a little something once a month to the food shop (bubble bath, nail varnish, etc) and storing them up for yourself for next Christmas?

Also, what @CampagVelocet said.

Are you sure you aren't projecting?
My family are overseas so I will usually get nothing or maybe one thing to open and it never bothers me or my family.
I would like to add I am very well looked after - just don't get things to open but get things in the sales in the lead up to christmas that I use straight away.

Do you have pierced ears? You can get a pack of studs for £1-2, put a few pairs in boxes and wrap.

Buy some bits that you will need in the year, a toothbrush and toothpaste in a cellophane wrapper looks like a gift.

Take yourself to the pound shop and buy yourself five things? A bath bomb, a makeup palette, photo frame etc, wrap them up and open them whilst making “ooh lovely” noises?