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Christmas

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Original poster

How do I make it look like I have more presents than I do?

217 replies

FakingItForHer · 10/12/2021 14:38

Single parent to a 7yo DD.

ExH never takes DD shopping for presents for me, so I get nothing.

Mum has said she can’t afford anything for me, has bought DD a small something.

My brother doesn’t buy for anyone.

My granddad has given me some money to get myself a present so I’ve bought myself a Fire Stick (I wanted one) and a posh box of chocolates, these are wrapped up under my granddads tree as I’ll go to his house for lunch.

My dad has got me a couple of small bits. And I have a stocking which has some smarties and a bath bomb so far.

But that’s it.

My best friend and I do Christmas 2.0 on New Years Eve and she will spoil me and DD but it’s our tradition which we love after a busy family Christmas (and I always look forward to it as does BF so can’t change it).

My extended family (aunts, uncles etc) only buy for children so I only buy for theirs so no presents there.

So it looks like I might have nothing much to open. I obviously want to show DD that we don’t give to receive but she is going to be heartbroken to think I get very little at Christmas.

So basically I want to fake it. Because I’m not bothered about the presents really as long as DD has a lovely time and goes to her dads (2pm Christmas Day) happy and oblivious. I much prefer seeing the magic for DD and enjoying the day with my family, but DD loves giving presents and will want me to be happy she always says I'm the best mum in the world and I should be very very very happy and she doesn't like me sad

So suggestions to fake Christmas?

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 10/12/2021 16:15

I've never heard if an adult counting presents before now.

BertieBotts · 10/12/2021 16:16

At 7 I also think you can defo give her £5/10 and let her loose inside a small shop while you wait outside. Give her a shopping bag to hide the item in and she'll be really pleased to have chosen you something herself.

User3638484293 · 10/12/2021 16:17

Not sure why you are so bothered. My kids have never really seen my open presents! Me and dp used to buy each other gifts but don't anymore, my mum doesn't get me anything, my grandma usually gives me money just before Christmas (entirely grateful) and that's it. No presents!

TheOrigRights · 10/12/2021 16:18

Don't fake it, you're setting yourself up to fail and for your DD to be confused.
It's sweet she wants to see you open presents, but she is also old enough to understand that lots of adults don't exchange presents, that they've decided to focus on the children and that adults do other fun stuff during the year.

I'm buying myself something, because I want something to unwrap. I have my 2 sons and they'll get me something thoughtful (fingers crossed!), but other than that I will have a couple of token gifts from my sisters who I'll see over the festive week.

florentina1 · 10/12/2021 16:19

I guess your post is about your daughter being sensitive to your needs. I am sure you are a good mum to have raised such a caring daughter.I would wrap up presents for yourself and ask her if she knows who they are from. Or maybe pretend they are from neighbours and other s you work with. It is great to share the excitement and of opening presents.

santasmuma · 10/12/2021 16:19

Why does she need to see you open lots of presents? DH and I didn't but each other presents for years because we used all our money for the DC - I think my eldest was 15 before I opened a present in front of her.

santasmuma · 10/12/2021 16:19

Didn't buy

MollysDolly · 10/12/2021 16:20

OP I don't get it?

You've got the firestick that you really wanted. So you open it and do lots of "Yes! Oh brilliant! This is exactly what I wanted! Yes!!!"

Which shows DD you are happy. Because you love what you got. Not because you had another ten things to open.

Don't teach her quantity makes you happy.

furbabymama87 · 10/12/2021 16:21

I think you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself. It's easy to do though when you're a single parent so don't worry. You've got a few things to open, some people get nothing. I don't think your daughter will realise, she'll be too busy opening her own presents. This year me and my husband have said we're buying less for each other, as we overspent last year. As long as the kids get what they want, that's all we care about.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 10/12/2021 16:22

Last year she refused to go to her dads until I'd opened more presents, I only had 2 last year as well (one from each parent then).

This isn’t normal and isn’t something you should be encouraging. At 7 she is old enough to learn that a certain amount of presents isn’t something to aim for.

itwasntaparty · 10/12/2021 16:24

You're overthinking it. Massively.

We haven't done adult presents in our family for years apart from a secret Santa. Christmas is for the kids.

waltzingparrot · 10/12/2021 16:24

I think it's a fact of life isn't it, that you don't get as many presents at Christmas as an adult, as you did as a child. Just explain this to her.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 10/12/2021 16:24

Tell your DD that adults don't get many presents.

cookiemonster2468 · 10/12/2021 16:26

I really don't think a 7 year old will be bothered either way about what presents their parents get. It's not on most kids' radars.

mvmvmvmv · 10/12/2021 16:26

We do not to gifts for adults in this house or in either of our families. We have no money worries. This is our choice. My kid is not upset by it tho, I can’t see why they would be unless you make an issue out of it.

I do not want Xmas to be about the gifts.

Dentistlakes · 10/12/2021 16:28

DH and I give each other things we need and would be buying anyway. We also sometimes wrap things we already have. Last year I ‘gave’ DH a really nice bottle of wine we have had for about 5 years! As long as we give each other something then the kids are fine.

SparklyGlasses · 10/12/2021 16:28

Ah, I think it's really sweet that she'd be concerned about how much you were getting. I've been a single parent with 1 DC and had Christmas mornings just the 2 of us and I can totally see how she would feel bad for you if she's opening quite a few and you aren't - it's just quite obvious when there's just the 2 of you and a different situation to a larger family Christmas morning (even if just 2 parents and 1 DC). My DC would have been exactly the same, not because he's super materialistic (any more than other kids!).

I'd see if you've got any bits you already have that you could wrap up and she wouldn't recognise and also maybe go out and buy yourself a few cheaper things like chocolate/mini wine/shower gel/cheap earrings (maybe that you need already if money is tight) and wrap them up. Not so you have tons of stuff but just a few extras.

TatianaBis · 10/12/2021 16:29

It’s fine OP, not sure what you’re angsting about.

She’s not even going to think tbh.

TabithaTiger · 10/12/2021 16:29

Could you buy yourself bits that you need/ will use like shower gel, skin and hair stuff, leggings, knickers, etc and wrap them up?

I sometimes buy myself my favourite perfume as a present from the dog!

Nocutenamesleft · 10/12/2021 16:29

Eh?!?

Me and my husband don’t ever open gifts at Xmas and my kids are not sad? In fact they all know how I LOVE Xmas. Regardless of gifts!!!

You don’t need to make it seem like you’ve got more presents. Just be so excited end over the top grateful for the ones you have surely?

I’m grateful for spending the day with family. That’s our gift for the day!

Zebracat · 10/12/2021 16:30

I think that we do our children a disservice by lavishing gifts upon them and not expecting them to reciprocate. In your situation, I would encourage her to think who she needs to get presents for, and what these might be. . Mine often made fudge, or truffles, they would make a Christmas decoration, or we might get a frame from a charity shop and put a photo of themself with the recipient in. Or a small bar of chocolate , The choosing and the wrapping is really enjoyable for them.In the courseof it she will be able to get you something, and that will be a great comfort to her. I think my children enjoyed giving as much as getting from a very young age, and it didn’t cost very much at all.

Nocutenamesleft · 10/12/2021 16:31

Xmas isn’t about gifts. It’s about love. Family. Joy. Spending time together.

Focus on that. She will get so excited if you are.

Say wow. Mummy is so so so grateful. I’ve got wow. 4 gifts! But mummy doesn’t need gifts. I’ve got you bad that’s all I need to make my day extra special

Things like that.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 10/12/2021 16:34

I doubt she will notice but nip to the pound shop or supermarket and get a bag of things you would buy anyway (shower gel, soap, body spray, whatever you buy normally) and wrap them. Or print out a couple of nice photos of her and buy cheap frames (Wilkos are great for this) and wrap.

Purplepalmer · 10/12/2021 16:38

Surely this is quite normal? Dh and I don’t give each other presents as we can’t really afford to, and we have an agreement with siblings to do children presents only. So I don’t have anything to open Xmas day. My children have never been upset by this. Sounds like you’re getting some bits, so I think you’re overthinking.

harveythehorse · 10/12/2021 16:40

Can you buy her some craft bits and encourage her to make you something? DD gets lots of help buying me a gift but the present she's always proudest of is the one she's handmade (and it's inevitably my favourite too).

When I was growing up, my mum was a single parent and I used to wrap ornaments and books she already had so she had something to open on Christmas morning (I didn't have a father willing to help me shop for her). I completely understand why this matters and hope you find a solution xx