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Original poster

Telling DC Father Christmas is not real (a safe space)

374 replies

nc1985 · 08/11/2021 22:58

Anyone else gone down this route, or are planning to go down this route, with their DC?

DH and I have decided not to play along with telling our 4yo and 2.5yo that Santa exists/brings the presents at Christmas.

Our 4yo understands mermaids and unicorns, for example, are pretend and that doesn't stop her enjoying playing with them, wearing unicorn-themed costumes etc. We think the same principle will apply with Christmas, that is our DC will enjoy the "magic" of Christmas without buying in to the whole story as fact.

I just wanted a safe place to chat with other mums who are thinking similar to us. Are you out there?

Not prepared to get flamed Blush Go easy on me if you don't side with my opinion on Father Christmas/Santa.

OP posts:
xxxGirlCrushxxx · 08/11/2021 23:01

well it wont be a popular decision when they ruin it all for other young kids in the future....

Original poster
nc1985 · 08/11/2021 23:03

@xxxGirlCrushxxx

well it wont be a popular decision when they ruin it all for other young kids in the future....

So what do you suggest I do?

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 08/11/2021 23:05

A safe space?? Seriously?

Aria2015 · 08/11/2021 23:06

@nc1985 out of curiosity, what's your reasoning behind it? I must confess, I'm yet to meet anyone who holds it against their parents that they pretended for a while that Santa was real. I don't personally agree with your approach, I pretend all sorts with mine, it's very much how I was raised. I look back fondly on the elaborate 'tall tales' that were spun to me as a child.

Original poster
nc1985 · 08/11/2021 23:07

@Anoisagusaris

A safe space?? Seriously?

What else should I call it??

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BluebellsGreenbells · 08/11/2021 23:07

A lot of things aren’t real for children - you don’t tell them the truth about rape or child abduction for example. Cartoons aren’t real, but do they need to be told that? They’ll realize when they are ready but enjoy the stories they tell.

Same could be said for going to the cinema or any fun activity.

Playing in the ball park isn’t real life is it?

Little kids do spoil it for others! You don’t have to tell them the truth but you could just not make a thing of Santa.

‘Yes Santa brings gifts to those who believe’ is fine for a 4 year old.

siestalady · 08/11/2021 23:07

You sound fun

DriftingBlue · 08/11/2021 23:08

We took a very non-committal position. We never said Father Christmas was real. Presents appeared the first couple of years of DD’s life on Christmas morning and that was good fun. Most of them were signed, a few were not. So yes, we were playing the game.

Off she went to nursery and that year she came home wondering what she would get when he delivered the presents and we didn’t argue. We just kept up our routine.

So I guess by putting out the stockings and gifts we did play along with society, we just never endorsed the concept as being real.

It turns out dd was a good little skeptic and knew around 5 or 6, but kept up the pretense for several years because she was afraid the presents would stop. I had to explain that in our house kids get presents from “Santa” until they grow up and start their own households and that the Easter Bunny would be more than happy to just start putting money on the plastic eggs to save the hassle of trying to find tiny trinkets because those will show up indefinitely as well, even if they just get left on the breakfast table.

xxxGirlCrushxxx · 08/11/2021 23:08

I suggest you just go along with it for a few years like the rest of us do

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 08/11/2021 23:09

Bejasus can you please get your title amended. Worst spoiler ever on a parenting site!

TurnUpTurnip · 08/11/2021 23:10

I wasn’t planning on telling my kids Santa exist, mainly because I’m a single mum and they always saw me buying the presents so wasn’t sure how I could suddenly pretend Santa bought them 😂 but they came out of school telling me that Santa buys the presents! So I just went along with it, they are now 9 and 7 and don’t believe anymore anyway.

Original poster
nc1985 · 08/11/2021 23:10

[quote Aria2015]@nc1985 out of curiosity, what's your reasoning behind it? I must confess, I'm yet to meet anyone who holds it against their parents that they pretended for a while that Santa was real. I don't personally agree with your approach, I pretend all sorts with mine, it's very much how I was raised. I look back fondly on the elaborate 'tall tales' that were spun to me as a child. [/quote]

I think my parents trotted out the line "if you don't behave then Santa won't bring you any presents" quite a lot. I once got a sack of potatoes one year because I was being naughty apparently. A few days later I got my Christmas presents but I remember being absolutely crushed about the potatoes from Santa. As a parent myself now, I think it was incredibly weak parenting from my parents to trot out the Santa line to keep your children "well behaved". That's just not how I roll.

OP posts:
Shitzngiggles · 08/11/2021 23:11

Just go along with the fantasy until they work it out for themselves. It's harmless and one of the magical parts of childhood.

Trekkerbabe · 08/11/2021 23:11

@xxxGirlCrushxxx

well it wont be a popular decision when they ruin it all for other young kids in the future....
Agree.

Interested why you came to the decision to tell then as I personally think the magic of Christmas is all about the children believing. My children's (9 yr olds) excitement is palpable already!

jackstini · 08/11/2021 23:11

Depends on your reasoning for wanting to do it

All her friends will know that mermaids and unicorns are not real - it's a common belief

However, the vast majority will believe in Santa

Can you guarantee your dd won't tell them when she's told it's not real? It won't go down well if she does!

What harm do you think believing it in for a few years will do?

Entirely up to you - but the motive has to be a positive one, really think about it

starrynight21 · 08/11/2021 23:13

Just about every adult that you know, was brought up with the Santa story. Most of believed for about 8-10 years, after which they found out that Santa wasn't a real person ( usually from older siblings or school friends - not in a safe space ). You'll find that virtually all of those people are fine, they didn't get damaged by believing for a few years and then finding out the truth. And when they become parents, most of those people carry on the Santa tradition. And none of them are damaged or traumatised by that happening to them.

So why are you so intent on spoiling the Santa tradition for your children again ?

jackstini · 08/11/2021 23:13

Just seen your last post

Well, don't use Santa as a threat then - but don't penalise your kids fun just because your parents did that!

Ragwort · 08/11/2021 23:16

Just don't make a big thing about it, there's really no need to go on and on about Santa at home if you don't want to ... I don't think we ever did, our DS knew that presents were from mum and dad, or grandma or whoever and the stocking at the end of the bed was just a bit of fun and I don't think he ever asked 'who is it from'. We never put out a mince pie or did the footprint thing.

RandomMess · 08/11/2021 23:18

I think the best approach is that Santa delivers but parents pay.

The real magic of Christmas is thinking of other people and spreading kindness and gifts to others.

You can go along with Santa and doing a lot of critical thinking responses when they ask "Hmmm what do you think darling?", "oh I suppose it could be that"

TheEncouragingStranger · 08/11/2021 23:18

My eldest asked outright, when old enough to properly think about it (so probably 3?) "But who REALLY brings the presents?". I wasn't going to absolutely insist on maintaining the lie, so I explained about st nicholas being a real person, but no longer alive, so people give each other presents now and sometimes pretend to be "father Christmas" or "Santa" to make it more fun.

So we "do Santa" but mine know it's not actually real. They are told very very sternly that they must not tell others though! They are allowed to say "he might be real, but I don't believe in him", but hopefully that won't ruin someone else's Christmas.

(They still love Christmas, get very excited, look forward to stockings, and enjoy the general seasonal magic, so I don't think that being honest when pressed has done lasting damage...)

I have one toddler left, so I guess we'll see if they question it too, or whether the older ones want to join in with pretending it's real. I'm not fussed either way tbh.

Aria2015 · 08/11/2021 23:19

@nc1985 well that does sound crushing. I would never give a lump of coal of sack of potatoes to mine on Christmas Day. It's a shame that was your experience. Mine was a much more positive experience, which is why I'm continuing it with my dc. Having your own children allows you the opportunity to do things your way. It's up to you of course, but there is an exciting and positive way of believing in Santa. You don't have to use it was a threat against bad behaviour.

TheEncouragingStranger · 08/11/2021 23:19

Oh, and we do the mince pie and carrot etc just for fun (and for my late night wrapping snack...)

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 08/11/2021 23:20

My DHs ex wife took the approach of he is real if you want him to be, consequently they never really believed, no real magic around FC. When I had my DD my DSS basically told me I shouldn't do what his mum did as he was annoyed/upset he'd never had the opportunity to believe in Father Christmas and he wanted his little sister to have that magic and wanted to share the magic with her.

ilovepixie · 08/11/2021 23:21

Has anyones child ever googled is Santa real? I know if the internet had of been invented when I was a child I would of done.

Original poster
nc1985 · 08/11/2021 23:21

@Ragwort

Just don't make a big thing about it, there's really no need to go on and on about Santa at home if you don't want to ... I don't think we ever did, our DS knew that presents were from mum and dad, or grandma or whoever and the stocking at the end of the bed was just a bit of fun and I don't think he ever asked 'who is it from'. We never put out a mince pie or did the footprint thing.

Yes, I think this will be our approach.

Just for the record, I haven't explicitly told our DC Santa doesn't exist, we just haven't, and are not planning to, go along with the whole 'Santa comes down the chimney delivering gifts to boys and girls all over the world on his reindeer' etc.

My DC are well aware that Santa exists as a character through books and film.

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