Telling DC Father Christmas is not real (a safe space)

[nc1985]

Anyone else gone down this route, or are planning to go down this route, with their DC?

DH and I have decided not to play along with telling our 4yo and 2.5yo that Santa exists/brings the presents at Christmas.

Our 4yo understands mermaids and unicorns, for example, are pretend and that doesn't stop her enjoying playing with them, wearing unicorn-themed costumes etc. We think the same principle will apply with Christmas, that is our DC will enjoy the "magic" of Christmas without buying in to the whole story as fact.

I just wanted a safe place to chat with other mums who are thinking similar to us. Are you out there?

Not prepared to get flamed Go easy on me if you don't side with my opinion on Father Christmas/Santa.

@Squirrelblanket Similar to my experience - like a big game everyone was playing, thrilling for us little ones. I remember one year we all woke on Christmas morning to find twigs in my dad’s shoes (and chocolate in ours). Drove us mad trying to figure out who did it, as surely he was in charge of the Santa hijinks!

Told my kids when they went to year 7 that Santa doesn’t deliver to secondary school kids. Also told them if they tell anyone on school they believe on Santa they’d likely to get bullied.

I told my dad aged 8 when she asked. It was the second year on the trot she had asked for the truth, the first year I managed to distract her. The second year she meant it. I checked she really wanted to know then told her the truth. She was fine and hasn't ruined it for her little brother, in fact she likes being in on it. Good luck.

One word, why?

I guess I will be telling DS, that some people have such dreadful children their parents pretend Santa isn't real to spare them the pain of understanding why they got a lump of coal.

I'm 43. I still believe in Santa.

Everyone who tells me differently, can fuck off.

How miserable, it’s a bit of magic for them.

I just think it’s really sad for your kids to not experience the magic. I genuinely can’t remember presents or events around christmas but I will always remember that feeling of excitement as I got ready for bed on Christmas Eve.

Again, you do realise this was mostly made up by Coca Cola in the 1930s? It’s about as magical as heinz tomato soup.

It is the first lie we tell them, isn't it? Therefore feels wrong. But I was told aged five that FC isn't real and it really spoilt Christmas for me, so I went along with FC being real with my dch. They worked it out by themselves when they were about eight. No harm done. Do it - think of the Dch, not of yourself as an adult.

Children have pliant minds that can enter into fantasy while at the same time wondering if it's true and later knowing it's not true at the same time as believing that it just might be.

You don't need to take a position on this like you're crafting an election manifesto.

By all means don't perpetuate the persecution by Santa for misdeeds that you seem to have grown up with.

But I would let your kids enjoy it. They'll grow out of it soon enough.

I don't think I ever told mine any actual lies about Santa, I was just Rather vague. If they said "is he real?" I would say well lots of children do seem to believe in him what do you think?

That's really sad. I wouldn't be encouraging friendships on that basis.

As a parent I've tried to separate what my dp did for me and how I want to parent my own dc. So what may have been done badly by them and had a bad reaction by me, can be done well by me.

Negating that bad reaction.

Our dc are not us and their life experiences will be different to what we had.

Fc is one teeny bit of utter silly magic in a cruel hard world.

The utter shock and joy of rushing down to the tree on Xmas morning, is an experience and feeling money cannot buy.
Feeling the full stocking is a feeling money can't buy.
I often find however more scientific type people prefer to tell dc it's nonsense and the more dreamer creative types prefer to keep up the ruse.

Christmas is NOT Christian celebration soley.

It's a wondeful hotchpotch of different things put together.
It's original pagan festival of lights? Which makes perfect sense at the darkest time of year.
It was hi jacked by Christianity and a wondeful story was added which I think is so beautiful and again its a wonderful anecdotes to the spending splurge at Xmas.
Then we have the wondeful FC aspect and snow etc.
It's a multi layered day and let's face it, it's simply something to look forward to in the winter months.

@orinocosfavoritecake

Again, you do realise this was mostly made up by Coca Cola in the 1930s? It’s about as magical as heinz tomato soup.

Well, the red coat is Coca Cola but the poe The Night Before Christmas was written in the 1800s, and in.that it was St Nicholas who had reindeer and a sleigh and came down the chimney with presents, but he was dressed in furs. If we equate St Nick with Santa and FC, then he is much older than the 1930s.

*poem

To be honest OP I wasn't raised to believe in Santa and I feel like I missed out. Christmas never felt magic in the way it did for my friends.

I get the thing about not liking the guilt tripping children that comes with it, so maybe take out that bit?

@orinocosfavoritecake

Again, you do realise this was mostly made up by Coca Cola in the 1930s? It’s about as magical as heinz tomato soup.

Pretty sure Father Christmas existed before 1930

But yes, companies such as Coca Cola have pushed it into being the consumerist celebration it is today.

And it's also not true that Coca Cola invented The red suit etc.

But they did popularise the fat jolly version etc

Santa brings gifts to those who believe’ is fine for a 4 year old.

Only if it is followed up with something that lets the kid know they still get gifts if they don’t!

I still remember sitting in the window with my sister listening to the sleigh bells and feeling the tingle of excitement. I'm glad our parents let us have that magic for a while.

They stop believing in Father Christmas when they reach the stage that they want to understand the real things in the world - about 7 or 8 or so.

When they are younger, they make things up and act them out to understand what is happening around them. It is fun play and it is how children learn.

It is like getting rid of all their toys when they start school - they give them up when they are ready.

@BoredZelda

Santa brings gifts to those who believe’ is fine for a 4 year old.

Only if it is followed up with something that lets the kid know they still get gifts if they don’t!

No - they just keep believing. Believe me. Been there LOL

My son never really believed and I dont think he is mentally scarred by it. I also dont think he went around telling his nursery friends not to believe so it was all fine!

I always felt pretty uncomfortable lying to my children about this.

We went along with it, Father Christmas delivered the presents and left them on the bed etc.... but I vowed to be honest as soon as my children questionned it.

When it was questionned, I was careful with my wording. I said stuff like 'that's very clever of you to work out, but it is fun and he can be real in our imaginations'. I figured if I actually said the words 'FC is not real' that my kid would repeat my words at school and I'd get hostility at the school gate!!!

It worked by the way. We had fun, I respected their critical thinking, and I kept my mum friends.