Telling DC Father Christmas is not real (a safe space)

[nc1985]

Anyone else gone down this route, or are planning to go down this route, with their DC?

DH and I have decided not to play along with telling our 4yo and 2.5yo that Santa exists/brings the presents at Christmas.

Our 4yo understands mermaids and unicorns, for example, are pretend and that doesn't stop her enjoying playing with them, wearing unicorn-themed costumes etc. We think the same principle will apply with Christmas, that is our DC will enjoy the "magic" of Christmas without buying in to the whole story as fact.

I just wanted a safe place to chat with other mums who are thinking similar to us. Are you out there?

Not prepared to get flamed Go easy on me if you don't side with my opinion on Father Christmas/Santa.

Yes, there’s a ton of father xmas like figures before 1930 (David Sedaris has a piece on some particularly creepy ones in Me Talk Pretty One Day) but the Father Christmas that’s dominant now was very much codified.

Which is fine, I guess, but a curious thing to get that het up by.

Codified by coke I mean.

Parents tell their kids all sorts of guff. The prophet Muhammad, God

Asks for a safe space and then shits on others religious beliefs, nice!

Your parents were complete arses to give you a bag of potatoes. FC doesn't have to be a threat, you're throwing the baby out with the bath water in my opinion but you do you, I'm sure your kids won't be mentally scared by it, don't be surprised if they go to the par opposite with their children though

St Nicolas was a Christan Bishop who was devout in his faith and expressed this through giving away his wealth and helping the needy. I sometimes thing the modern day evolution into 'santa' just doesn't respect the memory of the man. He would probably weep if he saw what we do now, and how much of his memory distracts from the true meaning of Christmas. Christ's birth would have been integral to his faith and he would of observed it respectful. Maybe we have taken in too much of the American commercialisation of Christmas instead of following our European cousins who celebrated St Nicolas' memory before Christmas in a sweet understated way. There is plenty of magic in the story of Jesus's birth. There are stars, shepherd,angels, kings animals and a baby. How many of us weep at school nativities? Or a reception class singing away in a manger?

Imagine believing that Mumsnet is a safe space
The nest of vipers is not here to avoid criticising you OP. You can't just demand others "be nice" by which you mean agree with you.

I think my parents trotted out the line "if you don't behave then Santa won't bring you any presents" quite a lot. I once got a sack of potatoes one year because I was being naughty apparently. A few days later I got my Christmas presents but I remember being absolutely crushed about the potatoes from Santa. As a parent myself now, I think it was incredibly weak parenting from my parents to trot out the Santa line to keep your children "well behaved". That's just not how I roll.

This is horrible! Very sadistic on your parents part. I am sure they were lovely in other ways but to do this to a child - horrid.

It's one thing to say to a child in the heat of the moment - "look Freddie - if you don't behave Father Christmas will not be visiting this house so you better think long and hard about your behaviour!"

Quite another to make a plan like this - and presumably buy in a sack of potatoes ...

Ironically I think that there is something little bit cruel about your thoughts of depriving your own children of the fun and magic, too.

I don't think it was "weak parenting" on your parents' part. I think it was sadistic parenting.

A safe space 🤣🤣🤣

I don't think I ever thought Santa was real, and I don't think my kids did either. It's a fabulously lovely game of pretend that we all go along with to make Christmas feel magical and wonderful, even now that they are adults. I am always surprised when people say their kids were shocked to find out that something so obviously not real is actually, not real.

Each to their own but some of my happiest memories are watching my dc getting so excited about Santa visiting. I have videoed every Christmas Eve with them in their little pj’s putting out a mince pie for him and carrots for the reindeer then clips of them coming into the lounge on Christmas morning with absolute glee on their faces.
Such lovely memories and they are grown before you know it.
My grumpy 16 year old ds was only saying to me yesterday that he wishes he was still young when he thought Father Christmas was real.
Your Lo are only babies, let them believe for just a little bit longer.

As a kid I knew Father Christmas was a folklore being- and that if he were real, why didn’t I get an antique rocking horse on bow rockers I’d asked nicely for in a letter for years!
I received a hand made hobby horse instead that Mum made and I loved him literally to peices.

In my experience, Father Christmas is also used as a bargaining chip
“ Unless you are a good girl/boy Father Christmas won’t be bringing you anything..
“
Like the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy, he is real but not real to kids

When I talk to people in their late fifties and above they generally have only one or possibly no memories of actually believing in Father Christmas. I have only the vaguest memory of really believing, but Christmas was still exciting.
I think children who have never believed are less likely to tell others than children who have just found out, but it’s hardly a crime, anyway.

Santa brought the cheap stocking gifts in our house.
It's up to you of course, but I think it's really lovely to play along with little ones for a few years.

It's about being a little selfless?
Eg doing something for the dc without expectation of personalised thank you cards and profuse thanks.

I think what millions of dp for this is so awe inspiring.

We don't get anything out of fc unlike the endless threats and rewards of believing in a god.

We don't get anything out of fc unlike the endless threats and rewards of believing in a god.
I disagree, I think parents get a lot out of Santa/Father Christmas, and that is why they are so invested in keeping their children believing/pretending to believe.

@Naughtynovembertree well said!

I love the excitement and anticipation. We always tell our kids that they've been so good Santa will definitely be visiting, so there's no threats or anxiety.
This is the first year my little boy understands and it is just wonderful.

I remember those same feelings as a child. I used to feel sick with excitement on Christmas Eve.

I am 77 now and grew up believing in ‘Santy’ as we called him. I was an only child and remember waking up on Christmas morning and going down to ding a stuffed stocking (one on mum’s 30 denier nylons) for me, two of dad’s socks for my parents and one of my ankle socks for the dog!
I have no memory of finding out Santy wasn’t real. There is a sense in which I will always believe.

Aww some of the best childhood memories I have are the magic of Christmas and Santa. I would always wake up through the night, sneak down to the living room and sit on the couch in the pitch dark. The presents were already out and I was so excited that Santa had already been….TO MY HOUSE. I would wake my little sis and we would just giggle and laugh then fall asleep before waking super early to get downstairs with my family.
I think you should just let the magic of Christmas be. You don’t have to tell them Santa is real or not real, let them use their imaginations. My 2.5 year old shouts Santa up the chimney after watching STICK MAN.
X

@thegreylady

I am 77 now and grew up believing in ‘Santy’ as we called him. I was an only child and remember waking up on Christmas morning and going down to ding a stuffed stocking (one on mum’s 30 denier nylons) for me, two of dad’s socks for my parents and one of my ankle socks for the dog! I have no memory of finding out Santy wasn’t real. There is a sense in which I will always believe.

I totally agree with your last line

Christmas was never quite the same as child when I knew there was no Father Christmas. My son is 8 and still believes as do a lot of children at school. I won't be spoiling it anytime soon. He thinks the presents are mainly from us and Father Christmas brings a couple of extras.

There ain’t no sanity clause!

I never remember being that enthusiastic about Father Christmas. As a counterpoint to all the posters saying their favourite Christmas memories were of Father Christmas or listening to sleigh bells, my favourite Christmas as a child was when I'd stopped believing and we had a big family Christmas with all of my cousins and it was just so much fun. No fictional characters needed.

The myth also falls down even if you do go along with it because each family does it differently. We had a small stocking with small gifts in from Father Christmas, bigger gifts were from my parents and gifts from everyone else were given from them. But we would spend Christmas with a family where all the presents from the parents were from Santa (and their stockings were about four times the size of ours!). When Father Christmas buys you a flannel and some crayons and your neighbour a gameboy and TV it does shatter the illusion somewhat. Still I'm glad I spent Christmas with people who I loved than staying home and maybe believing another year. And surely no child of any age buys the fake Father Christmases at garden centres and Christmas fairs and shopping centres.

My mother said that her father being liberated and then demobbed in 1945 after six years in the army was like Father Christmas coming to live with them. She had no doubts at the age of six who was responsible for the massive improvement in the quality and quantity of Christmas presents.
The idea of separate presents from parents and Father Christmas wasn’t something I’d heard of until fairly recently.