So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

And?

Well to be fair it’s 11:42 and I’m still in my pjs…although mine are 10 and 12 now. We’ve played the game of life boardgames this morning and just chilled. BUT I have also been doing laundry 😂

Not all of them. Some will be unemployed, some will be criminals. This always comes up but a proportion of them will not have useful productive lives.

Yes but if everyone had zero children then there would be zero useful people at all. What a silly argument.

I am grateful every single day that I chose not to have children.

I never wanted them, don't really enjoy their company and have loved the life I've been able to have without them. I'm now retired and am free as a bird. Seeing the work and time commitment my friends put into grandchildren I have never been happier about my choice.

That said, I've never minded for one moment paying tax for services. I want to live in a society where everyone but especially the most vulnerable has a safety net and every opportunity available to them.

I see how happy children and grandchildren make other people and am glad for them. It's just not for me.

Also. There will be no pension for most of us anyway!

Well get off the MNers Without Children board then if you feel insulted. Why is it that posters with children feel compelled to post on this board and criticise we childfree for our choices? Nobody non-black would ever have the temerity to go on the Black Mumsnetters board and criticise them for anything to do with their culture. Why is it that this board is seen as fair game? Perhaps they can’t stand that we’re a bit too happy with our lives?

'I feel I'm only just meeting my needs as a woman without children!'

I hear you! Turns out I need a lot of nurturing and looking after 😁 I'm getting better at it all the time and it's so rewarding

And before anybody starts, I fully accept that it feels wonderful to nurture children too

I didn't follow the script. I retired early at the cusp of a great career and everyone thought I was nuts. I decided not to have children. I refused to marry so have a slightly unconventional relationship with a pussycat of a man, we don't live together even after 30 years. Best recipe for a good partnership IMV.

Happily semi single and no financial worries. I will not be a carer for my dear partner either, and he won't be for me. We have living wills, ordinary wills, and POA with other family members, with instructions for nursing home care immediately the need arises. We can afford that. I can visit, he can visit. Same as now lol 😊

The worst thing about having kids is the constant fear. I remember someone writing in the paper that they hoped they died before the tech billionaires radically extend the lifespan. He wrote that he has three adult children and five grandchildren and that, statistically, something awful is going to happen to one of them sooner or later. He didn’t want to be around when it did. I totally understand what he means.

The big upside to not having kids is that, even if you are lonely, you don’t have that nagging fear. And you don’t have to worry how your children will cope when you are gone. It must be awful to have a child with special needs or a physical disability. I have infinite sympathy for such parents.

I have children but the longer it goes on I do wonder if a made the right choice. ☹️

I’m off to ‘parenting’ to question their life choices.

@socool , that sounds like a marvellous set up, especially having a partner but living apart so you have your own space and peace! ❤️

I really don't get some of these arguments. I wouldn't be paying the amount of tax I do had I had children. Neither would a potential daughter of mine. It's highly unlikely. She might end up working and paying into the system, but god knows if this would be paying anyone's pension.

It wouldn't surprise me if the same people banging on about 'our kids will pay your pension' also write elsewhere that there will probably no state pension soon enough.

I think it's better to not have kids if you don't want to and for the parents to accept that this is in the interest of everyone. Children know when they aren't wanted. I think it's good that I haven't put tiny humans in the world that would have acquired my trauma and might have needed a lifetime of mental health support, which doesn't exist anyway.

I have children, happily married and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I have plenty of friends with and without children.

I think it stems from not being truly happy in your own skin or situation. Parents who take offence at the thread in my opinion probably are a little bit jealous or lack an understanding different from theirs.

It’s only been in the last 60 years women had more choices and only in the last 30 years women were more equal, could work / have a mortgage without a man’s signature etc. So there’s still a lot of change in society to see it as normal.

I have seen some friends with kids admit if they had their choices again they might not have kids. It’s hard work, harder than they thought. Hence I think some of it is definitely jealousy.

Aww that sounds nice! I do miss playing boardgames with my mam at that age, although I was a dreadful cheat and sore loser 🙃 I'm glad you can still have chill Saturday mornings, it seems so many people feel they must be rushing about from the crack of dawn!

One thing that women like you don’t seem to realise is that the vast majority of us don’t care what you think. This is not the board you are looking for 🙄

Nah they’ll all be on UC

As a mother of 2, there’s also huge losses and negatives to having children.

Fair enough if you don’t want children but I find mn a weird place to post about it. I know there are some child free posters and even men but surely the child free subReddit is more appropriate?

But this is the children board? What is weird about it?

I ve read your posts and you seem a little insufferable to be honest

This is the Mumsnetters WITHOUT CHILDREN BOARD 🤣🤣🙈🙈 there is literally no more appropriate place to post!

@SnowFrogJelly are you always so ghastly ?

I might be the only one, but I'm enjoying seeing the posts from mums on this thread for better or worse. It's good to get another take on it. Nobody childfree gets to my age without having heard all the 'Who's going to pay your pension/wipe your bum?' stuff anyway, so this thread is perhaps just a reflection of the real world.

Maybe seeing posts from both perspectives might spark thought in both camps.
As I say, possibly only me.