So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Yes. I am very happy with the choices I have made.

I love children but just didn’t want to be a parent. I am also very glad I remained single.

I can see that being a parent is wonderful for some people - I just know it’s not for me😊

It's not the children's fault they have been born, remember the money is (meant to be) for them

I’ve got Kids and I’m frankly jealous. If I did my life over I wouldn’t have kids.
That said that despite the cost to society of others having children, these are the people who will pay taxes (hopefully) and pay to support all of us, including the childless ones, when we are old. You have to earn over 54k to be a net contributor so I dare say a lot of childfree people are also benefitting on some level from the people who pay more. Kids or not.

Completely agree @BarbarasRhabarberba, you have articulated what I think so well. Sometimes people with kids talk about the fact I can go on nice holidays etc, which of course you can when your income doesn’t have to stretch to cover more people. It makes me sound so trivial, shallow and materialistic. They don’t understand that it is the fundamental headspace and autonomy that I crave the most.

Although I curse your username as that Ohrwurm is going to stick with me all day!

Before I had kids I couldn’t really understand why anyone wouldn’t want them, now I have 3 I TOTALLY understand why people wouldn’t want them 😂

Nobody is telling you you can’t a positive way, it rather seems like you’re trying to tell other people not to talk though.

I do like kids, but I'm glad I didn't have any. I would have passed on a lot of trauma without knowing it. I also often think that it's good I only have myself and my pets to worry about. The cost of living crisis is definitely easier without having kids and their future to worry about. I can also just eat junk when I want to. With kids you need to behave all the time, or so I imagine anyway.

Not at all @Driftingawaynow - we are on the childfree board sharing our experiences. It’s a bit like me going on a thread about breastfeeding and telling the mums on there that their choices are crap

It’s just rude and unnecessary and happens all the time on these threads. Which is what led to my earlier question about why some
posters have such a problem with the happily child free. Just ignore the thread, easy

We cant talk about how happy we are to be childfree without people telling us we’re wrong. Not in real life and not even on a board specifically for people without children.

I’d love to be able to stop people banging on about their kids on this board. No chance of that though is there?

I have 2, they are almost independent (late teens, shared co parenting). V little dependency left. I m thrilled to have gotten them (almost) to adulthood.

The 80s and 90s pop culture sold us the idea of a happy chaotic household. There is an opposite pop culture going on at the moment.

There is no right or wrong. I love being single and not having the responsibility of small children, glad I got all that out of the way, when I was younger.

The site is called Mumsnet 😄😄

So smart😱

I had 4 DC quite young ..mid 20s ..I'm now mid 50s.
I adore my children and I don't regret them.
But
If I'd of known ,the amount of cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, tidying, mopping, shopping,ect that being a wife ,and mother entailed,I wouldn't of had children..when they were little and putting everything in their mouths ,I remember it suddenly hit me the realisation of all the things that needed regularly cleaning.
And the stress with school ,was unbelievable..two of mine got diagnosed with autism and we're at home with tutors permanently..which was the end of my adored career .
I feel it was A very high price I paid to have children..
If I had known how much of myself I would loose ,I would not of had them.
And I've said to my DC, that I want what is best for them ,and when it's brought up in conversations I say ,put yourself first ,and really think hard about what is involved

Baby brain? 😆😆

I thank god I didn't have children (by choice) at least once a week! It was never something I wanted. I also feel very lucky that I fell in love with someone who felt the same. I love our life and wouldn't want it any other way.

But I don't resent a penny of tax etc, I'm happy to pay into a collective pot for the things we need as a society. I'd rather pay taxes and have people looked after than live in a society where it's every person for themselves.

I'm paying a fee through my taxes so that others can do the kids thing. Very happy to do so. It's a privilege for me to have a life free of financial cares, with the ability to more or less do what I want when I want. And I make no apologies for it.

I’m 80% sure I don’t want kids. I love babies but dislike children and the stress etc they bring.

Me and DH have both been ill this week and I regularly thought “Christ, imagine we had to take care of a kid rather than resting and looking after each other”. I’d have had a breakdown!

Yep, correct OP. I thank myself everyday for only having DD, who is adorable, but is also very hardwork. Lucky for us we can go man on, man off, we note that many couples with two kids divide and conquer. Meaning no one gets a break = ratty parents.

I would really struggle in most parenting relationships I see. I would get angry that most of the work is left to the mother - some of the dads I know muck in a bit but I have never seen a truly 50-50 parenting relationship.

i would resent sacrificing my career when the dad gets to stay late and work weekends. I would resent being the default parent. Being taken for granted. I would rage at the sexism if it all.

so best I am not in that position😊

I have very mixed feelings on this subject. In some ways, I deeply regret not having children, however in other ways I am really glad!

My main reason for feeling relief is knowing that I haven't brought anyone into the world to suffer. If course there is joy and happiness to be found in life, but there are also a lot of difficulties we all face too. Like a previous poster mentioned, I was bullied a bit at school and I really appreciated being able to keep school and home life really separate. It seems it would be almost impossible to do that these days with technology being 24/7.

I haven't found adult life particularly easy either, and again I would worry about how a child would get on in the future.

And of course there is no guarantee that a child will be born without conditions which significantly limit their life. I know someone who has a child with significant disabilities. Of course she loves him very much and he clearly brings her joy, however I can't imagine the amount of stress and worry planning for his future must bring.

To be fair, the site is called 'mumsnet'.

I feel relief the most when I see people i know who had children when they were younger now in the 40 to 50 age bracket looking after grandchildren regularly. Their whole life has moved from being one care giver to another generation.

THEN if you have your own parents needing care it's never ending. I feel I'm only just meeting my needs as a woman without children! How do these women ever get the life they want or any freedom. It actually takes a very special person.

I knew from a young age due to how I was parented that I couldn't cope with the mental or emotional burden of having children. If it was the fun stuff, a child without additional needs and a supportive partner then maybe I'd have been swayed.

Sometimes partner and I feel having one to share the joy of Christmas would be nice...so if anyone wants to rent one out for a few days.......

"Choose to breed" 😂 Don't you realise that someone does have to "breed" to keep humans going? If no one was "breeding", you wouldn't have people around you to nurse you when you're old, power your electricity in your house, process your pension, deliver you your mail, serve you at the supermarket, keep society running.

I'm very happy for the child free by choice, but I do worry about the common sense of posters.

I'm also unsure why there is a board for Childfree By Choice on MUMsnet?

I don't know if I count as childfree by choice because I did want kids at one point, but after multiple miscarriages and one stillbirth I accepted it wasn't to be for me.

It's been a decade since I made the decision to listen to my body and not have children, and I feel relief all the time! My friends with kids all seem to have such complicated, stressful lives, both those with little ones and those with teenagers. Those who are still with their SO's seem to struggle so much to maintain their relationships. Every outing and activity is a military operation.

I've realised that my desire for kids was more a desire to follow an arbitrary script someone else wrote, nothing to do with any real want for them. I've realised my life is not compatible with children - I'm fundamentally lazy for one! I love to sleep in, I love to spend hours doing fuck all, I love peace and quiet and hate being expected to think for other people. I am definitely not compatible with motherhood.

I've found fulfilment elsewhere and am happy and at peace. And frequently, relieved. Especially at 11:33 on a Saturday morning when I'm still in my jammies and have absolutely nothing demanded of me for the entire day 😁