So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Why is it sad? Ds' df morphed after ds was born and, after spending several years trying to get him to act like a decent parent, I took the decision that we should leave. We've lived separately for 15 years. Ds sees his dad every week and is a happy well balanced teen with a secure loving home.
There is none of the tension, family conflict, financial battles, the arguments and resentment that features so highly in my colleagues and friends home lives.

(Jesus Christ, there’s always one, isn’t there?)

As we paid for PLENTY of services and amenities for them and their families.

And every other species would be far better off.

Seems childfree women aren’t allowed to talk about their lives in a positive way. People always have to jump in to tell us we’re wrong. The kids are always paying our pensions or providing care in old age. They could be thieves, murderers, abusers. They could be in orison

I knew I didn’t want kids from a very early age. My opinion has never wavered. I’m over the moon my husband feels the same. Our lives are lovely.

I have child free friends and admire that they have had the courage to do what is right for them in the face of society’s pressures. They have full and happy lives, I’m envious sometimes, of course I am. I do also love my life.

I’m so glad that we live in a society where we have the choice to have, or not have, or to decide how many.

Not wishing to be goady but I am curious why people without children post on MN. It’d be like a farmer posting on a site for teachers talking about relief at not being a teacher 🤷🏻‍♀️

You never know how your contributions to the tax system might help you in future. You may need hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of medical treatment at some stage. My DC might be operating on you, checking your blood pressure or helping you go to the toilet.

I get the sentiment of this thread 100% - I'm not childfree but I chose to stick at one for exactly the reasons other women choose to have none - but your post is dumb, frankly. What do you think would happen to society if other people didn't have kids? Who would be working to provide the services you'll need when you're elderly?? Populations need children to be born. Be thankful other people are doing it so you don't have to!

Why would this board exist if the site is only for people with children?

I'm not sure why on a board specifically for childfree women people want to make remarks criticising women without children. Children are exhausting, expensive and stressful, I can totally understand why a life without them is appealing. Luckily we live in an era where women who don't want them are no longer forced to have them or be ostracised or left begging.

Are you always quite so insufferable ?

I don't know why I had one. I soon realised motherhood is not for me. Then you can't send them back.

I don't think it's sad. I found being a single mum much easier than when I was with XH. DC and I had a pretty lovely decade between separating and moving in with my current H - and I could not be more relieved that I met DH well after we had both done our breeding and DC were not on the cards. Raising kids together can ruin a relationship.

I have a child and no amount of arguing with my husband would I want to change having him.
yes it's noisy and chaotic at times but the wee hand reaching for yours....they way your their entire world...all the little things.... no one can convince me that my life would be better without him.

however i do have very low tolerance for other people's children🙈

It was hard at the beginning. I have 17 and 14 year olds now and they are such a laugh and great company, I wouldn't be without them.

We've paid for our own pensions throughout our working lives, thanks.

Ignoring the derailers....

Yes I often feel deep gratitude and relief that I don't have children, and it gets stronger as I get older. I spent many years feeling a very strong pull towards having children but I do feel that I made the right decision for me.

I have a niece and nephew who are just wonderful. I absolutely love seeing them, but I'm so glad that my house isn't full of plastic tat and crumbs, and that I can sit down in peace and quiet and follow my own routine most of the time. I was ill last weekend and was able to rest and recover - I don't know how the hell parents cope with keeping the show on the road when they barely get a minute to themselves. Yes, their choice if course, but it's still tough

Agree with this.. I also find the original post quite insulting to those who do have children

I don’t think you are quite as witty as you think you are with that comment. Do you only post about your children when there are so many other subjects to discuss ? Do you need children to discuss cooking or camping or holidays or many of the posts on AIBU?
Do you judge all childfree people or just those who have chosen not to have children ? I think you entirely want to be goady so you might as well own it

I did want children but my body had other plans. Over time it does feel more like the right "choice" though.

We all talk about the benefit to us for having or not having children (care in old age, no snotty noses, more disposable income, someone to pay the tax for our pensions like we'll ever see one!?) but often miss the benefit to the child being born... the state of the world now doesn't seem beneficial to future generations just existing is getting harder and harder and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone let alone my own offspring.

But that is entirely my own opinion and one I usually keep to myself 🤣

If you read it back she wasn't being harsh about the children at all, she sounds very fond of them actually.

I do take your point though. As a child free person I do look at families, especially those with multiple kids, and think "phew, I'm glad someone has the desire to raise the next generation!". It's also partly why I support the removal of the two child benefit cap, why should those kids be pushed into poverty when those same kids are likely to be supporting the pension system in my old age?

'I don't think it's sad. I found being a single mum much easier than when I was with XH'

I think it's sad that so many men are such crap parents and completely fail to step up and do their share. They let down their children and their partners. They don't seem to have a clue what's involved in being a parent and refuse to learn. I don't blame the women who refuse to put up with it, but it's a sad situation

Thing is, there really isn't for some.
I'm child free by choice, and I'm perfectly happy.
My best friend has 2 children and her life is beyond difficult. I know she had them because she thought it's just what you do (I.e. societal pressures) and I know if she had her time again she wouldn't have made the same choice.
So no. It's not always rewarding or right for everyone.

I don’t judge child free people but I judge posters who make ignorant comments about how their taxes fund hospitals and children. This is the deal with living in a country where you pay taxes. You pay towards things you think you don’t need but one day you may do.

God yes. I’m not a child person and can’t imagine a life where every day is centred around kids stuff.
My millions of animals fill that gap for me 😅

Yes, I often have that feeling, especially if I'm stuck in a situation with a noisy child - e.g. on public transport. I think 'thank goodness I don't have to put up with that at home'. Also when people at work are talking about fitting things around 'the school run' or other childcare stuff - just relief that I don't have any of that to worry about.