So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Today I am off out for an adult only day.
a potter in a London Market. Cocktails and lunch at a swanky hotel. Trying on clothes in some lovely boutiques (might be a struggle after lunch). Theatre then a late dinner. Then best bit staying the night in a gorgeous hotel, to wake up anytime I choose. Utterly free of small people. Oh and it's all a treat being paid for and being accompanied by another adult.....My 30 year old daughter 😊. I feel very fortunate

I picture a cabbage patch doll but a real baby. I might be wrong though!

Ouf, what a thread.

my sister does not have children, I have two boys. TBH we mostly stay away from this topic, as it’s so charged. But it does feel that she can tell me how great her life is without children - but I can’t do the same, as it’s not equal.

im still stewing over her saying ´I just can’t imagine not being able to prioritise my own needs’ and (pityingly) ´Ricky, you give too much of your time to doing things for other people’ 🙄. But I can’t quite bring myself to say the opposite to her without causing a shitstorm. ‘Sis, you give too little of your time doing things for other people’ and ‘I can’t imagine being so self absorbed that my own needs are always the priority’ would not go down well.

She thinks I’m a mug, I think she’s selfish. It all goes unspoken and we work around it.

@crackerjackbaby @Thankyoudear very young, before they do much. Like little warm, squidgy bundles. When I was younger, I preferred the age groups that you could have a sensible- or indeed silly- conversation with. As I got older, had my own, fostered, I started to appreciate the potato stage. Before you know it, they start having preferences and opinions. It’s a very short stage. It must be designed to let you bond before they start telling you you’re wrong about everything 🤣.

DD and her DH are into skydiving, I'm not sure SS would look too kindly at them jumping out of a plane with a baby strapped to their back so it's probably best they remain childfree.

She thinks I’m a mug, I think she’s selfish. It all goes unspoken and we work around it.

@rickyrickygrimes If you look at it logically, you are both selfish. You have both got what you wanted. You both need to accept that.

Why are we calling childfree people selfish? Do parents tend to spend time looking after a lot of people or just the children they wanted (to look after them in later life in some cases)?

I was wondering that too.

Are childfree people still selfish if they’re carers? If they volunteer? If they give to charity?

Are parents selfish if they only look after the children they chose to have?

The selfish people are the people who have children and neglect them, not the people who don't want children and don't have them!

I am absolutely laughing at the fact this thread was resurrected by "I am better than you because I would die for my child" 😂

I can see the devotion. Having to go to board specifically, finding this thread, adding that pearl of wisdom. 5* work yoi shitstirrer😂

You are fortunate. You could have been infertile, you could have never met anyone to have children with, your daughter could have had severe needs that meant you spent a life time as a carer. There was no guarantee when you had her that 30 years down the line you would be enjoying this day.

I would love to have a child but I can't, so posts like these really run salt into the wound in an incredibly painful way. I will spend my day depressed and worrying about being all alone in life one day.

I’m so sorry, @Strawberriesandpears.

Thank you

I’m happy to be called selfish. I am selfish, I care about me and my immediate family and that’s it.

To me, the only reason anyone has a baby is because they want one, not for any other greater good, so they are serving them selves. Aka selfish.

It baffles be that people claim those of us who are child free to be selfish, as if the sole purpose of being alive is have a child. What’s wrong with wanting to service your own life without sacrificing it for someone else, who will then be told they need to sacrifice their life to keep the cycle going. Mental.

I liked the first line “a saying that springs to mind” 2 months later 😂

I’m a parent to a now 30 year old, but I’ve never wanted to be around other peoples children. It was assumed because I was a mum that I loved all children, I didn’t. My daughter can’t have children due to gynae issues, I’m not disappointed one bit, so many of our friends time is taken up looking after their grandchildren, we’re all in our late fifties, they’re knackered. My daughter was never bothered about children, she just wants a pain free life (endometriosis)

We recently visited one of our local bars, opened the door and it sounded like a crèche, we about turned to find an adult bar without the screamers 🤣

There’s nothing wrong with being selfish though. You’re saying it like it’s a value judgement, it isn’t. There is nothing wrong with you being happy with your life with children either, but it doesn’t make you a better person than her. I equally can’t imagine and don’t want a life where my own needs aren’t front and centre all the time. But I also donate to and volunteer for several charities and do a lot of work-related mentoring. How many parents are truly concerned with doing something for people and society beyond their own kids?

This resonated with me haha. I have a 3yo, and trying to publicly wing an explanation using half remembered school lessons about light wavelengths in a way a toddler can grasp, in order to explain why the sky is blue is incredibly embarrassing.

@StrawberriesandpearsI am so sorry and I do absolutely realise how lucky I am. I hope you are ok today x

Do you understand what selfish means? How does not having children mean you lack consideration for others?

I suppose it must comfort you to feel like a martyr.

Do you mean that childless people have nothing to live for?

I have DC’s but they don’t define me - life would be good with or without them.

If your life is so tied to your DC’s, I’d suggest some counselling to put life into perspective.

It isn’t ‘selfish’ not to have children, though. Producing a child isn’t an act of altruism. You had children because you wanted them; it was something you did to fulfil your own wishes/desire to have them. That is no less selfish than your sister deciding not to have them.

You had them because you wanted them, so don’t expect a medal or to be considered a better person than your sister for then having to look after them. It’s not selfless of you to look after the kids you wanted; it’s just the inevitable consequence of giving yourself the thing you wanted.

Exactly this.

Both of you could be called selfish as you’ve each taken the decision that’s best for you. Nothing wrong with that either

I hope you are ok @Strawberriesandpears

I can’t understand why these childfree threads always start to get to so nasty. It absolutely saddens me that as childfree, childless, or women with children that we can’t just all support each other in our choices.

I googled this saying and it is a quote of Martin Luther King jr.

"If man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

I don’t think he was talking about parenthood, but about political and social ideals. And I think he’s being a bit harsh here anyway.

And it’s hilarious that that poster could think that just having a child somehow makes them more righteous and noble than someone who has not.