So relieved I didn’t have children

[Settings11111111]

Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

I think that's lovely, not just for you, but for your child as well. Being born to give someone else's life meaning or be their carer/support is way too much pressure and responsibility, being a person that your parents like and love as a part of their lives is wonderful.

Crikey! Some of the posts on here

I feel sorry for women whose entire identity is tied up with having children. Being a parent is not the only aspect of life that can be satisfying. Women who think that not being a mother makes life feel pointless need to go out and get a life.

Imagine just how destructive and pointless spending your entire life feeling disappointed must be.

I was ambivalent about having children and when I was told that it was unlikely ever to happen after investigations I thought “Oh, well” and saw it as an opportunity to further my career and travel and do the things that are less easy with children to consider.

I did have a child at 41 but totally get why many women don’t want the hassle of having children. I have never felt broody and when I see threads on MN from women who want a 4th, 5th, 6th child I just want to shout out “get a job”

but when it hits you when you’re older and dying and you will have no one around you to help … usually the children would do this

There are no guarantees that this will happen @mazma , and it is the wrong reason to have children. I have told DD that when I can no longer look after myself she is to arrange a care home for me. I don’t want her to spend her years looking after me when she can get on with her own life.

Since having DD my life is different, not better or worse, just different.

I wiped my grandmother’s arse and my mother’s. I’m glad that the person who may wipe mine will not be related to me.

I'm back from my travels over Christmas/NY/January. I could travel outside the school hols so got great deals on flights. Not that it matters - I would have gone anyway, but show me the person who doesn't like a bargain!

Anyway we were in Southern Spain, a place we go to every year at that time, and usually the weather is very pleasant. This year, as some of you may be aware, storm after storm hit the Andalucia region and honestly it was horrible some of the days and cabin fever began to set in.

HOWEVER, I could only think how awful it was for those with kids on holiday. I mean what the heck do you do with them in constant rain, wind and general gloom? We were fine, sat back under the heated blankets and passed the time reading, scrolling, and eating out - with waterproof coats and a big umbrella haha.

I was sure glad I didn't have kids there! It just reminded me of another benefit of being child free.

That isn't a 'great saying'. It's trite, reductive bullshit.

are there many childless posters on this thread who have something they are willing to die for?

Of course there fucking are! Do you really have so little imagination and depth in your life that children are the only thing you can possibly comprehend that people would be willing to die for? What offensive horsecrap is this?

I’m sure it is great to have that freedom from worry

Again, it's astonishing to me that you apparently cannot comprehend that people without children might have other things in their life that cause them significant worry.

@LiveToTell Have you really got nothing else in your life worth living for?

Having a DD in higher education I often lurk on higher education threads and a corresponding Facebook page.

The number of women who spend all summer sobbing at the thought of their child going to university and starting a life of independence is shocking and such an unhealthy way to be. I suspect that @LiveToTell will be one of these women.

Having childen is a part of life for many women, but not the only goal in life.

Just because I made a comment to say the children will look after you. That’s not the only sole reason. I was not maternal myself and two months ago I had a baby boy and my life has changed for the better you can do anything with the kid if your active enough just need to manage time and you still can have the same life most of you are just being lazy. If you also had religion it’s the children that you bear will grant you to many places like heaven and heaven lies under our feet!

Can I take a baby out with me tonight to drink wine? It will be quite loud and I will get in at around 2am. Will the baby be okay and will no one think it’s odd?

What will the baby do to entertain itself whilst my partner and I lie in bed having sex till midday tomorrow?

I am away with friends for two separate weekends in February. How would you suggest I break the news to them that I’m bringing a baby?

On Sundays, I go to a riverside cafe and read my book for a couple of hours. Should I take a book for the baby so my reading is not disturbed?

Oh, good questions.

I assume it it’s ok for a baby to drink wine with you it would also be ok when I go to a party at a pub next weekend. And sleeping on my desk while I’m working.

And speaking of being active, would a baby be ok crawling on a treadmill for a couple of hours while I’m working out at the gym?

No religion here though unless you count cat worship.

@Settings11111111 Ha, ha, a baby might not enjoy your night out. An 18-plus child might though! A 16-plus child can house and pet sit while you’re away for the weekend. 😉

You seem rather ghastly

Could the baby do some work for you? This would free up time which you could use to be less lazy,

Oh, that’s a good idea. I’m sure a baby would be very good at dealing with spreadsheets & PowerPoint.

Exactly! That’s me decided. Off to get a baby tomorrow.

I believe in god. I don't believe it is a child's responsibility to 'get me' into heaven.

You are being offensive on so many levels, but am sure you’re aware of that.

Best to step away from this board (which is not of any relevance to you) and focus your time and energy on the new addition to your family.

Respectfully, I have things in my fridge that are older than your experience of parenthood.

It's been charming on this board today - women without children your life is pointless and you won't get into heaven 🙄 parenthood definitely makes people so much kinder and more compassionate. 🙄🙄🙄

I genuinely don't care what people say to me because I'm secure in my choices and I absolutely will never believe that a God who created the moon, trees, animals, the sea, humans, just everything would 'punish' people who don't have children, there's no way something/one could have created stars, rainbows and ducks could also be so petty as to banish some of their children from heaven. It's poor parenting and unkind judgements being foisted upon God based on what they will do if their children don't have children, not the reality of God.

However I do feel awful for infertile women or women who have lost children who read those things and I feel very worried for the children of the people who say those things in case they're infertile, choose not to have children and are disowned or treated poorly, or don't want children but feel forced onto having them to keep their family.

So you say that having children so they can look after you later in life is not the sole reason to have one, meaning it clearly is one of the reasons you have had a child. How awfully, unutterably selfish. And then you go on to say that you have them because doing so will grant you access to heaven?? Another horrendously selfish, self-serving reason to have children.
And people will claim that parents are all about not being selfish and about making sacrifices… SMH.

Re-reading the ‘heaven lies under our feet’, I think that poster might be saying that parenthood is heaven on earth.

Because otherwise she’s saying that heaven is underground & that would be the weirdest description I’ve ever seen of the Piccadilly Line in rush hour.

What is a squidgy potato baby?