Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

[knowifIcando]

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

Have to somewhat agree. I would not date if mine dissappeared...

Oh, yep. Pretty much every day. I always knew I didn't want kids and when all my friends and other peers starting having them it only reinforced how much I did not want them. Now in my early 50s and have never looked back.

One small example among many hundreds over the years was when I was away for work at a hotel and a female colleague was talking about how it was like a little holiday for her and how fab it was to be able to pee alone and in peace. I was like, 🫤 .

Most people I know who are childfree by choice it wasnt even something they needed to think about too much, you just know.

Sorry I've asked for my post to be removed.

You do, but for most there comes a time when they have to think about it. The "should I though?" "it's what normal people do" "hmmm. Will he change his mind and bugger off if no kids?"
It's often brought on by situations around. And age in some cases. The dooming finality of the decision when it comes.

Same as people who want children

Exactly

Not if you just know. You dont worry what others think. You will also have made your wishes clear with any partner. Worrying if he will leave if you dont have kids doesnt come into it when you know you dont want kids.

I tried to have a baby for 7 years, lots of fertility treatment and miscarriages before finally closing the door last October. And now I feel that I am childfree by choice now, I frequently wonder why I was so consumed by trying to have a baby as I feel very content with my life now.

I was in the supermarket yesterday and a small child was in the trolley standing and screaming 'pick me up, NOW!' And I just thought, oh I am so glad that is not me. I like peace and quiet.

'And now I feel that I am childfree by choice now, I frequently wonder why I was so consumed by trying to have a baby as I feel very content with my life now.'

I've heard so many stories from women who threw absolutely everything at infertility and felt desperate for a baby, but came out the other side and felt completely differently. It's hard to say how much of that drive to have a baby (I was consumed by it myself for many years) is hormones or society, or a mix of the two

When I stay with my nieces and nephew I wonder if I should have children and whether I’m missing out on a lot because I do really enjoy being with them. Then you hear the baby cry at night and see their parents still have to get up at 5am with the toddler and I feel such relief that it is not my life. I know the early years aren’t forever but I’m not sure I could cope with month after month of interrupted sleep.

Me too. I’m 64 now, tried for 10 years. Really content with life now!

A mix,but realising so much of my desire for a baby was down to social conditioning and that I didn’t actually need to have children to be happy was enormously liberating for me.

I’ve never wanted children and was sure of this from an early age, despite countless attempts from various people to dissuade me over the years. Now I’ve reached the menopausal years and that ship has sailed. So very glad of it. A lot of my friends have children (and very different parenting styles 🤔) but that’s never once awakened a maternal urge in me - quite the opposite.

Agree.

Why would it be horrible?

Me and DH discussed at length whether to have children or not. We both really like children so it was never a definite no without discussion

That's interesting, so you were quite on the fence about it? What sort of things swung it for you both?

Because it might be insensitive - not everyone is childless through choice

Is that why you’re on this thread? Because it might be insensitive - not everyone is a parent through choice?

It would only be horrible if it was a forum of women childless not by choice. On here the vast majority of women have chosen to have children, so it's not the same. So a childfree section on a website like this is not insensitive.

And for the small percentage of women on here who had a child not through choice then I'm sure they can decide whether to read a thread designed for women who chose not to have kids..

This board is for people without children for any reason and we manage to share it amicably.

'Me and DH discussed at length whether to have children or not. We both really like children so it was never a definite no without discussion'

Same here. In fact, I really felt the longing and the ache to have a family of my own, but I knew that the reality of it would have driven me bonkers. I worked with children for 20 years so had no rose coloured fantasies about what it would be like. It was definitely a loss I had to grieve but I feel like I made the right decision. I have a niece and nephew who are absolutely fabulous and I love seeing them, but I'm so glad that I don't have the responsibility and that my living room isn't full of plastic crap!