Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

[knowifIcando]

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

Oh I can - it just seems a bit of a double standard

Not necessarily. This is an interesting article, point 2 is particularly relevant.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-single/202003/7-reasons-people-shouldnt-fear-theyll-regret-not-having-kids

Okay. You don’t know what a double standard is, @SunflowersandSangria

I do not want children. I never have. I am often reminded of how pleased and relieved I am that I don’t have them.

But, if I woke up tomorrow and thought ‘I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to have one’, I could have one. But in another few years, that won’t be an option any more. I might wake up at 50 and think ‘ah, I wish I had one’ and regret not doing it when I was younger and able to.

Imagine you live 100 miles from your nearest McDonalds. You’re near the McDonalds for some reason. You don’t want McDonalds. You’ve eaten and you’re full. So you don’t stop, but you do wonder ‘will I regret not stopping for McDonalds in a couple of hours when I’m back home and 100 miles away from it?’

That’s an excellent article. Thank you.

Well you can’t be that relieved about not eating the McDonald’s if you are wondering if you will regret it later

You’ve got me. I don’t feel relieved I don’t have kids. How could I? Women without children must yearn for them, so that’s what I do.

Why don’t you post on threads actually relevant to you instead of obsessively commenting on those which are not?

You’ve obviously had children because it’s the done thing and you wanted them. I have no idea whether you regret that or not, but you seem hellbent on forcefully telling women they shouldn’t be pleased they haven’t got them. I am pleased I haven’t got them. I’m relieved I don’t have a child. I think they would make my life considerably worse.

Maybe have a think about why that upsets you so much. And, if it doesn’t, then think about why you feel compelled to keep posting on this thread to insist child free women shouldn’t be happy about being so.

I’m not insisting that child free people shouldn’t be happy to be so - I’m saying that you shouldn’t be on Mumsnet saying so because the majority of people on Mumsnet have children and it makes no sense and I’m saying that you are saying two completely different things whereas I have my children which by the way I could never regret having - never in a million years it’s just not possible whereas you don’t seem too convinced by your original post that you are “relieved” - if you are so relieved you wouldn’t be wondering about regretting that decision later on in life 🤷‍♀️

Okay, you’ve made your little point that you don’t believe anyone should post on Mumsnet expressing that they are happily child free. You don’t need to repeat it any more.

You are incredibly hard of thinking.

So happily childfree women should not say so on Mumsnet because it upsets mothers? Not even on our own designated board?

@SunflowersandSangria Good lord, there must be better ways to spend a summer evening than trolling childfree people on mumsnet

Something i found as a female of child bearing years was the assumption id obviously want children

I went to the doctor once for blood test results to be told by a smiling doctor 'congratulations youre 8 weeks pregnant'

Congratulations?? I nearly had a heart attack. I went into hysterics in her office at the thoughts of it. She never took the time to find out if this was good news before dropping that bombshell.

I was sent to the early pregnancy unit the next day for a scan, I was a basket case. I lay on the bed praying I wasn't pregnant and then to my initial horror heard the word 'im sorry' thankfully followed by there's no baby youre not pregnant. I felt like id won the lottery. But again I was sent there for a very early scan and noone took the time to talk to me.

Again the assumption was that as a 28 year old id want to be pregnant. When it was the last thing I wanted to hear

I get this completely. When I made an appointment to have a termination the doctor kept quizzing me on ‘what in your life would have to change for this to be happy news?’, it seemed inconceivable to her that nothing could change because I did not want children.

I was relieved that when I had an abortion back when I was 18 that the process was very straightforward. Yes they asked a few questions but of course they need to do that for your own welfare. They perhaps just picked up there was no doubt in my mind or perhaps were just glad there wasnt going to be another teenage mother.

Just dont get why you are on Mumsnet saying it or why the need to say it at all - makes absolutely no sense at all

Love when someone offers an opinion someone doesn’t agree with they are screamed at that they are a troll like it is some sort of insult - was you hoping I would be offended my that comment? Erm - nope!

@gnomegarden32 @KimberleyClark shall we take bets whether she will still be here this evening still whittering on still regurgitating the same tripe.

Congratulations on ruining what should have been a happy thread, @SunflowersandSangria. Do we assume you’re going to keep doing this to us?

So what about all the posts on mumsnet where posters say they regret having children, if they could go back in time they would not have any. Should they not post because it might upset all the fantastically happy posters with children who would never in a million years regret it?

Are you quite new here? There is no way for a user to 'set a thread to private'. It appears in active when it's posted on - the threads appear on active in the order they were last posted on and drop out of active when they are superseded by threads more recently posted on.

There are some topics that MNHQ has set not to appear in active, but this isn't one of them.

No have been using Mumsnet for years and no how it works. This was my point - why is this topic and this board not set to not appear in active?

Ask MNHQ. They won’t set the board not to appear in active. Most of us wish they would because it would stop posters like you coming in here and derailing us.

That's a question only MNHQ can answer. Some regular users of this board have asked from time to time if it can be hidden, to stop threads being derailed, but MNHQ have never been in agreement.

Just reposting this as it may be useful for some people

Strange they won’t if people are asking for it