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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

465 replies

knowifIcando · 08/06/2025 17:05

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

OP posts:
IHateWasps · 11/06/2025 21:01

UnderratedCabbage · 11/06/2025 20:56

I am done being polite. I am pretty confident Sunflower was here before under different name doing same shit.

No one sets threads to private or active. It literally says on active above the title which topic it is in. It's not that hard and anyone with basic reading skill can figure out which topic thread is in.

I also do not for the love of god understand why everyone is still interacting with them and derailing further as was imho a goal

You’re right. They’re best ignored now like a tantruming toddler in aisle 3.

Original poster
knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:10

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 20:46

Why on earth would I be angry that you guys are happy/relieved not to have children - I don’t know any of you so why would I give a shit about that? What I was saying is that it was the wrong place to gloat. Oh and this thread was not on private, I didn’t go looking for it - it was set to active and why the hell can I not have my opinion just because you don’t agree with it??!! Here I stay as a Mum on Mumsnet

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You don’t understand Mumsnet or threads. Nothing is set to private or active. You just want a fight. Presumably because you’re either angry or jealous. Or both.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 11/06/2025 21:14

Theeyeballsinthesky · 11/06/2025 21:01

I think you are right. It does seem a familiar MO

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Yes very familiar posting style.

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 21:20

KimberleyClark · 11/06/2025 20:54

I just don’t understand why you would see it as gloating if you are happy to be a mother. Nor do I understand why you are getting offended on behalf of a hypothetical group of people who would be unlikely to read this thread.

Edited
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Well me and other parents have read this thread so of course other groups would too

Greenfields20 · 11/06/2025 21:22

Maybe if we ignore her she will get bored and go away

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 21:22

UnderratedCabbage · 11/06/2025 20:56

I am done being polite. I am pretty confident Sunflower was here before under different name doing same shit.

No one sets threads to private or active. It literally says on active above the title which topic it is in. It's not that hard and anyone with basic reading skill can figure out which topic thread is in.

I also do not for the love of god understand why everyone is still interacting with them and derailing further as was imho a goal

Well you are interacting….
Yes I do know how active works
And no, I have not used a different name

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 21:24

IHateWasps · 11/06/2025 20:58

That’s too fucking bad if you still don’t think that MN is the place for it because we’re still going to discuss it, no matter how much you tantrum and stamp your feet and whine and complain and make everything on a section of MN that’s decidedly not about you all about you and your hurty feelings. You sound like one of those insufferable people who feel the need to make everyone’s posts rotate back to you. The kind of person who posts when someone is talking about how cruel and neglectful their Father was to them that they should be grateful to have a Father because they still wish that they had theirs. The kind who berates someone who is being forced to consider a TFMR because they have a child with special needs and are outraged because they’d never consider a termination for that reason or they have infertility issues and are disgusted that people are terminating when they’d love to have a child. The posters that shame struggling Mothers of newborns and toddlers because they dare to complain about how overwhelmed they are when they’d be grateful to have a child and would never complain. Yes they’re entitled to their feelings and their pain/suffering may be genuine but it isn’t other people’s role to take those feelings and that pain into consideration when discussing their own lives, situations and decisions because it’s their life and not about some random offended stranger who has no involvement or part in their world.

I have a friend who is a little older than me who never had a boyfriend until last year. She’d accepted that she’d never have a partner or family. Now she’s pregnant and getting married next year. We met for coffee and she excitedly told me about her pregnancy and impending wedding. I have no kids and I’m single by choice. Not once did it occur to me that she was gloating about her pregnancy and impending marriage because we made different choices. I thought that she was happy and excited and I was(And am) very happy for her. But no according to your logic, apparently she was boasting and gloating and I should be offended that she was celebrating a decision that I wouldn’t choose to make. Obviously it was a personal dig at me and not just her celebrating something that is right and positive for her.

Edited

Yawn

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 21:25

knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:10

You don’t understand Mumsnet or threads. Nothing is set to private or active. You just want a fight. Presumably because you’re either angry or jealous. Or both.

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Ok..

EmpressaurusKitty · 11/06/2025 21:27

It’s really not that difficult for people to hide boards if they don’t want to see them / might find them triggering. And then threads like this wouldn’t show in your active.

Greenfields20 · 11/06/2025 21:28

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2025 20:32

We discussed what sort of life we would be likely to have with children, what we felt we could give to a child, what sort of life a child would have. We also discussed at great length how we felt about the world and both agreed it was a pretty shitty place and almost certain to get worse. I am a terrible worrier and knew I would worry and get upset about everything. I worry enough about our nieces and nephews!

We were also worried about would it might do to our relationship. Just before we got married 3 different people (my gran, our best man's gran and a neighbour) said if we wanted to stay as happy as we were not to have children. We have been married 45 years and are very happy and still very much in love. Of course we may well have felt that way with children but all the couples we know who are childfree seem to be very happy and all have been married at least 25 years and all on first marriages. In contrast, most of the couples we know with children are divorced (some more than once) and lots of them say they regret having children

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Yes it is worrying to wonder where the world is going or where the human race is going. I think I'll miss the worst of it but my generation's children and grandchildren who knows. Good you took time to really think about things if that's what you needed to do. For me I just knew and there was no debate.

Original poster
knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:35

I’m 36 and I do worry I’ll regret not having a child. I had an abortion a few years ago and can’t help but wonder what life would look like if I’d made a different decision. I spent quite a long time regretting it.

But then I leave my sister’s and come back to the peace of mine, and think about school runs, homework, making their meals, being so tied and losing freedom and spontaneity, and feel such relief that I made the decisions I have.

OP posts:
Gnomegarden32 · 11/06/2025 21:35

@mydogisthebest I too am a huge worrier - I drive everyone I know mad, so I can't imagine how bad I'd be with a child! I was bullied at school and the thought of kids going through that now and not being able to get away from it at the end of the day because it continues online is just terrible to me. I would also find it heartbreaking not being able to offer the positive narrative my generation had growing up that the world is basically getting better. Not really possible to offer that now with climate change. If I had a strong desire to have children I wouldn't let these things stop me but I don't, so I do feel relief.

Greenfields20 · 11/06/2025 21:42

knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:35

I’m 36 and I do worry I’ll regret not having a child. I had an abortion a few years ago and can’t help but wonder what life would look like if I’d made a different decision. I spent quite a long time regretting it.

But then I leave my sister’s and come back to the peace of mine, and think about school runs, homework, making their meals, being so tied and losing freedom and spontaneity, and feel such relief that I made the decisions I have.

Do you have any maternal feelings? Any particular desire for kids? Or is it more a case of imagining a family life and wondering what it might be like for you? Are you in a relationship just now?

Original poster
knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:44

Greenfields20 · 11/06/2025 21:42

Do you have any maternal feelings? Any particular desire for kids? Or is it more a case of imagining a family life and wondering what it might be like for you? Are you in a relationship just now?

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No, not at all. I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was quite young.

I just wonder sometimes how it would’ve been different. Yes, in a relationship.

OP posts:
Greenfields20 · 11/06/2025 21:50

knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:44

No, not at all. I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was quite young.

I just wonder sometimes how it would’ve been different. Yes, in a relationship.

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I guess its normal to wonder isnt it. The main positives for me are independence and freedom. Peace, relaxation. Spontaneity. But the main reason was I just had no desire to have children.

UnderratedCabbage · 11/06/2025 21:53

I believe that sometimes the abortion regret is basically societal conditioning. It is still very much controversial topic murder/not murder, sin/not sin, too available/too little available and so on. Many people would believe women are meant to feel guilty for it and only sociopats wouldn't, if that makes sense. Does not mean everyone will of course. And no, they arenot sociopats

Original poster
knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 22:04

UnderratedCabbage · 11/06/2025 21:53

I believe that sometimes the abortion regret is basically societal conditioning. It is still very much controversial topic murder/not murder, sin/not sin, too available/too little available and so on. Many people would believe women are meant to feel guilty for it and only sociopats wouldn't, if that makes sense. Does not mean everyone will of course. And no, they arenot sociopats

I agree, but also think the opposite too. So often, when you’re a feminist and pro-choice, and especially when you don’t want kids, you’re told that there should be no regret and that abortion regret is made up by religious fundamentalists and the far right. It took me by surprise and it did last a while. I think hormones may have played a big part.

But now, it’s relief.

OP posts:
SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 22:37

knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 21:35

I’m 36 and I do worry I’ll regret not having a child. I had an abortion a few years ago and can’t help but wonder what life would look like if I’d made a different decision. I spent quite a long time regretting it.

But then I leave my sister’s and come back to the peace of mine, and think about school runs, homework, making their meals, being so tied and losing freedom and spontaneity, and feel such relief that I made the decisions I have.

How can you feel such relief about not having children but also worry you will regret not having a child. Surely that statement means that you are undecided??

cannynotsay · 11/06/2025 22:37

ill be honest I just don’t like other peoples kids much. But love my own. It’s hard but I find it rewarding. I waited till my 30’s would have regretted it in my 20’s. The “mind numbing” moments are sometimes the best. There are times I miss my old life. But it feels empty in comparison to what I have now. Clearly the right choice for me. But I have two best friends who don’t have kids and it’s so right for them xxx

UnderratedCabbage · 11/06/2025 22:38

knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 22:04

I agree, but also think the opposite too. So often, when you’re a feminist and pro-choice, and especially when you don’t want kids, you’re told that there should be no regret and that abortion regret is made up by religious fundamentalists and the far right. It took me by surprise and it did last a while. I think hormones may have played a big part.

But now, it’s relief.

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That is true.
Women's world is full of contradictory "must dos"

Original poster
knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 22:46

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 22:37

How can you feel such relief about not having children but also worry you will regret not having a child. Surely that statement means that you are undecided??

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Because women can change their minds. It cannot be that hard to grasp.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 11/06/2025 22:46

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 22:37

How can you feel such relief about not having children but also worry you will regret not having a child. Surely that statement means that you are undecided??

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Worrying about regretting not having a child is not the same as actually wanting one.

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 22:48

knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 22:46

Because women can change their minds. It cannot be that hard to grasp.

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Oh ok - but you seemed so sure that not having kids was such a relief

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 22:51

KimberleyClark · 11/06/2025 22:46

Worrying about regretting not having a child is not the same as actually wanting one.

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But surely if you are worrying about regretting not having a family you are open to having a family and wouldn’t feel such relief about not having children -no??

Original poster
knowifIcando · 11/06/2025 22:51

SunflowersandSangria · 11/06/2025 22:48

Oh ok - but you seemed so sure that not having kids was such a relief

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Yes, that’s right. I’m sorry you cannot grasp basic and simple concepts.

OP posts: