Best part of being childfree

[Mintgum]

Whats the best part of being childfree.
I chose not to have children knew from an early age i never wanted them.
But i have been ask why not whats so good not having them my reply was whats good with having them.
I like my life i like doing what i like i love my freedom.
I have no intrerest in schools finger painting teen dramas i also like sleep.
I dont have the stomach to be around them when they are eating either.
My sister didnt like my reply.
And told me im missing out on what love really feels like.
I replied with.
I'm really not missing out on anything.
You're the one that had kids in your late 40s and all you want is help.
And now im in the doghouse because i was rude.
My family all know dont ask me to baby sit because it won't happen.

I am genuinely curious as to why you would think poorly of someone because of this, if it's for any other reason than because it's "the norm" for most people to spend time with close relatives.

The important thing to note is the "most people" part. Human beings are not an identical homogenous mass with one hive-mind. I can understand being surprised at something that is completely outside "the norm" for you, but what I don't understand is the judgement. Why "poorly"?

Would you, for arguments sake, think similarly of someone who did not like dogs and declined to attend events where dogs were invariably present, and likely to be left to approach, clamber all over, and drool all over them?

And no, I am not directly comparing children with dogs. It's a hypothetical for the purpose of emphasising a point.

My sister and I are very close...we both have DC. I had mine before she did. She was a good aunt to them when she was childfree and is a good aunt now she has DC. Likewise, I love her DC and want to be a part of their life. I'd be absolutely devastated if my sister couldn't be bothered to form a relationship or get to know my dc.

I've had a lot of loss in my life so treasure the family I do have....seems like other people tend to take them for granted

Not every family is the same we all have reasons lord knows i have.

My sister and I are very close...we both have DC. I had mine before she did. She was a good aunt to them when she was childfree and is a good aunt now she has DC. Likewise, I love her DC and want to be a part of their life. I'd be absolutely devastated if my sister couldn't be bothered to form a relationship or get to know my dc

I appreciate the answer, but it doesn't really explain why you would judge anyone who felt differently.

I've had a lot of loss in my life so treasure the family I do have....seems like other people tend to take them for granted

I don't "take my family for granted", I'm indifferent toward them because I've never had any sort of close relationship with them, and when I have spent time with them I haven't found any reason to want to spend more time with them. I treasure my friends, partly because those are actually people I've found I want to spend time with, hence why they are friends and I value them.

So you've never had a close relationship with any of your relatives? Has there been fallings out? Do you have no feelings of fondness towards them?

Little of column A, little of column B. Someone who was actually happy with their choice to have children wouldn't be spending their entire Saturday night picking at and being goady to those who have chosen a different path. Methinks a miserable, bitter, regretful parent 🙃

No close relationships, immediate family are just people I shared a home with until I was old enough to move out. I left at 17, moved away, and barely saw them again. DM is alive(as far as I know), but she's a horror, haven't spoken to her for years, and have no plans to change that. DF was a decent human being so there was a slight fondness, but he's been gone for years and since I barely ever saw him anyway I don't really miss him.

The remainder are just acquaintances really. Significant age gap between me and sibling, so they were nothing more than an irritant when we were kids, and as adults we have absolutely nothing in common, so they might as well live on another planet.

There's no point trying to reason with Comedycook. I have seen her posting on multiple threads and it's always the same.

• If you don't have family your life will be miserable and lonely.
• Friends are not the same. Ever. Because she doesn't have friends who make time for her or treat her like family, none of us possibly can.
• Those without children will burden others in our old age.

Everytime I see a post from her I feel depressed and worthless. I am childless by circumstance.

Have I said any of that on this thread...no, so it's irrelevant

I'm very sorry to hear this

Maybe not, but you have said it elsewhere so I assume it still represents your beliefs and feelings about those without children. Everything you post makes me immensely sad as someone who has no children and not by choice. I actually dread seeing your username.

Why?

I'm not lacking for anything. I get all the human contact I need from other people. There is absolutely no need to feel sorry about the fact I don't have a typical family.

@Comedycook leave people alone your been at this for ages.
And every thread you go on is the same as someone above as said.
Do you have regrets or are you jealous.
Do you really have a happy family or are you making it up.

Your acting like the last poster
@Wondergoldenlight

Are you not able to read properly? What you quoted doesn't say you can only post if you don't have children. On the contrary it says you can as long as you are respectful and not goady.

Thank you. I do find Comedycook's behaviour strange. Certainly if I was blessed with this lovely happy family she says she has, I would be too busy spending time with them to be posting on Mumsnet and desperately trying to make people without children sad and worried about their future. It is almost like she gets some kind of kick out of it.

I actually hope you're making up the happy family you supposedly have, because I don't have high hopes for the future of any children raised by such an inherently unpleasant, bitter, miserable person.

Not liking other people's children isn't exclusive to childfree people. I think it is true for a lot of people, whether they have children or not. Loving your own child is biology. But there is no biology involved in liking other people's children. Personally, I really couldn't care less about other people's children. I will show an interest out of politeness, but only if the parent means something to me. I really dislike the disruption children bring to most occasions and prefer to meet with friends and family without the children being there. It always surprises me when people say "How can you not like children?". My internal response is always "How can you like children that are not your own!?"

The lonely-in-old-age thing trotted out by some parents is also interesting. I think it just shows how so many mothers prioritise their children exclusively. This means if you take away their children they would have no one else in their lives. It is that "loneliness" they are projecting onto people who don't have children. Thankfully, many of us don't sacrifice our friendships and relationships to the altar of motherhood, and like many (most?) people without children, we prioritise and maintain friendships, relationships, and networks throughout our lives. Children have nothing to do with loneliness in old age.

There are plenty of parents on mumsnet who actively dislike other people's children. Have you not noticed? Why is it ok for them but not for child free women?

Hmmm. I work in this area and frankly most people do end up needing some sort of assistance from someone in the younger generation. Many childfree people ensure they have good relationships with a niece or a nephew or an adult child of close friends. Dh and I have power of attorney for my child free uncle and will ensure we are there for him if needed.

One elderly client had a work colleagues daughter who he treated as his own assisting him another her late husbands niece. Both ended up in tears of gratitude in explaining how important these people were to them. Not just childfree people some have children who they’ve fallen out with / live overseas so wider family step up.

Absolutely reasonable not to want children but anyone violently disliking whole sections of society for characteristics they can’t help seems abit off. Saying you dislike old people or Welsh people wouldn’t go down well. Children are the best and worst of humans. Many are awesome if you actually talk to them.

No one here has said they’re violent towards children.

Where did I say they were violent? I would slowly back away from anyone that professed to strongly dislike whole sections of society due to their age. .

Also we were all children once! Even you! How would you have felt if adults had sneered and glowered at you just for existing ? I am sure most adults treated you with kindness when you were under 10 they certainly did for me.

I don’t know why you’re being so rude. I’ve said a few time I love kids. Also no one has said they treat children that way. Lots of people dislike children, parents included, and that will never change. As long as they’re not nasty to them it won’t affect the children.

@BeckyAMumsnet, please note - critical posters have spoiled what was meant to be a happy and supportive thread to the extent that @Mintgum now wants it removed. This is why the childfree board just doesn’t work in Active - there is simply no point in us trying to have threads about the benefits of being child free when we’re going to get jumped on & interrogated.