Best part of being childfree

[Mintgum]

Whats the best part of being childfree.
I chose not to have children knew from an early age i never wanted them.
But i have been ask why not whats so good not having them my reply was whats good with having them.
I like my life i like doing what i like i love my freedom.
I have no intrerest in schools finger painting teen dramas i also like sleep.
I dont have the stomach to be around them when they are eating either.
My sister didnt like my reply.
And told me im missing out on what love really feels like.
I replied with.
I'm really not missing out on anything.
You're the one that had kids in your late 40s and all you want is help.
And now im in the doghouse because i was rude.
My family all know dont ask me to baby sit because it won't happen.

Good for them.
Adds cold. Hand me your labels; I’ll wear them for you.

Can't you just go away please? You're adding nothing useful here and the question posed isn't even applicable to you.

God, you are just desperate to find something “wrong” that would explain women not wanting kids, aren’t you?

That’s not only true of people without children though. MN alone has lots of posts where people are complaining their family members who have children take no interest in their children or they want nothing to do with family members and their children despite having their own.

@Squarecentimetre It never matters on MN if parents do or say something - they are always treated as individuals and what they say is barely noticed or commented upon. It’s only when childless women say something that it’s endlessly picked apart and pathologised.

I noticed that after this board was created, threads and posts started by parents which were negative about mums or kids were being attributed to childless people. All the time.

It’s a linked issue, I think.

Controversial maybe, but I would be interested to hear from the perspective of any mothers here what they believe ARE the benefits and advantages of having children, and whether or not they see any downsides to parenthood at all?

Maybe that should be a different thread this one is not about that.

I used to read the Reddit childfree sub and people on there would say their parents had disowned them and I was like oh my god how could you do that to your child and now I see the mindset of those parents. It’s really sad and I genuinely hope the nasty, bitter, abusive posters (across the whole forum, not just this post) do not have children who are childfree by choice or circumstance or childless because that would be awful for the children when they grow up.

I wouldn't - not on here anyway. This board isn't for them.

And on a different board.

My comment was ever so slightly tongue in cheek.

Agree that a different board or maybe AIBU (yikes!) would be better.

Don't bother explaining to that poster. I'm trying to think of a polite way to ask why they can't comprehend something so simple but I can't be bothered. They are so determined to not understand. Life must be difficult for them, being so confused all the time when someone else does things differently to the way they do.

Charming comments from some parents telling us people without children that we will definitely be sad and lonely in our old age. Not really sure what they expect us to do? Commit suicide now to avoid this fate? As others have said, let's hope their own children and not childless by infertility etc.

God, you are just desperate to find something “wrong” that would explain women not wanting kids, aren’t you?

No. I’ve clearly stated, a few times now, that I understand how some people don’t want children. I wasn’t sure myself.

I just think what SOME people here are posting re their disgust levels (to the point they gag when they walk past a school) and their wanting to hang with adults as a child sounds like textbook autism behaviours.

And in fact one of the posters has confirmed she is autistic.

lastly, to clarify I don’t think someone with autism has something wrong with them, unlike you.

But why do you think that has anything to do with a thread about what we like about being childfree?

I just love that my time is my time. I have always craved my own space, and I can happily spend time alone in my own company.

I'm quite empathetic and think I would really struggle if I had children and knew they were suffering in some way (depression, bullying, abusive relationship etc).

I also have a rich internal world, and I'm a little religious (not saying I'm a good person but i do enjoy it). I realise that we can't take anything with us to the next life (if you believe in an afterlife), and having children won't keep you alive forever. You still age and deteriorate, and end up in the same spot in the ground with or without them.

Why?
Would you feel the need to tell a thread full of people talking about the benefits of city living about why the countryside is great? Or a thread of blondes about how great being brunette is?
I'm sure parents think there are loads of great things about being parents, or that wouldn't have been their choice. That is not however the choice made by or for women on this thread. We don't fucking care!

My DH is the most important person in my life and vice versa!

We spend at least an hour chatting each day whilst cooking and eating together. Do things to support each other- he's done the housework today to allow me to do a long training session for a sports event, this morning he got the coffee and we chatted and did the crossword.

We've got a holiday coming up which will be 3 weeks of enjoying each other's company and enjoying our mutual interest in travel.

We both have busy careers and therefore really cherish the time we spend together and the one part of having kids that made me the most uncomfortable was compromising on time together. I have no idea how you connect when you work 9-5, spend the evenings doing kids/housework and collapse in an exhausted heap at the end of the day! We are also both huge introverts who value a quiet, calm house! Our relationship is my favourite part of our lives so it just feels weird to me to do something that would hugely compromise that. Luckily, he agrees!

I've made us both sound ancient, we're early 30s 😂. But absolutely both happiest being just the two of us.

I expect that’s been covered on the Parenting board.

I don't consider myself deliberately "estranged" from wider family or anything of that nature.

I've never been particularly close with them at any point, and I'm not particularly interested in them or bothered by not seeing them.

I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who are not family or related in any way, so I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

The reason I choose to avoid family gatherings and don't attend weddings, funerals and so on is quite simple. My dislike for children and wish to avoid them is so strong that I opt out, rather than turning up anyway and laying down demands that people leave their children out, or at least keep them away from me, which I think would be an order of magnitude more unreasonable, entitled, and ridiculous than simply opting not to attend.

For the same reason, when I'm in a public space and there are children present, if it gets to the stage where they are irritating me, I simply leave. I'd never dream of having a go at adults/parents because of children's behaviours, because I completely understand they are just children being children and the "problem" lies entirely with me, but again, I'm not going to fake being interested or liking them, or force myself to tolerate them just because most people are absolutely fine with them. I don't have to be fine with them. I have that choice.

Still here. You're not reading the room, are you?

They'll probably live in other countries. I am not against a positive relationship with them as adults but if engaging with them as children were necessary to achieve this it's not happening.

This is interesting and sounds like a very extreme reaction..

In what way is it "extreme"?

Yes, to opt out of attending family events because your dislike for children is so strong is extreme. When you decline an invitation do you tell them this is the reason or make something up?