Probably get roasted but I need to rant

[InAMess2023]

On the back of my other threads. Ok it turns out I can't have children but I actually wasn't sure I wanted them before that and now I'm a million percent sure. My reasons are as follows and I just wanted to get them out there. Judge away I expect it. In no particular order (I'm also autistic by the way)

• I don't have a great relationship with my body so having a baby will ruin it further
• if the relationship doesn't last you've still got something tying you together
• maternity leave aka not willing to cut my earnings significantly after 6 weeks
• relationship with my own mum who is not maternal and wouldn't want usual Grandma duties
• love of exotic expensive holidays that would have to stop
• shopping habits that I don't want to give up
• lifestyle - I do what I want when I want
• lack of sleep
• after 25 years of mental health problems a genuine fear that I might try and top myself

Sure there's more but felt I needed to write it down after comments on other threads 'the best feeling in the world is to be a mother' I just wanted to get it out there. Seriously if you'd trust me with any maternal feelings especially after the last one I'd worry for you

That poster, when pressed, reiterated their feelings in terms of wondering whether the hypothetical child would have their eyes or their partners musical capabilities.... so no I didn't misread anything. To me, that doesn't boil down to 'because I want to'. It's 'because I can'.

@PinkyU No I haven't seen any nice bridges but I have seen a so-called 'troll hunter' making themselves look stupid

That's great, wonderful news so you can get on with your own life and stop bothering people with superior judgements.

That's great, wonderful news so you can get on with your own life and stop bothering people with completely pointless comments.

@InAMess2023

You seem really angry and I don't really understand why?

I've never had any real desire for kids but your last point in particular resonates.

Frankly I wouldn't inflict myself and my mental health issues on an innocent child.

The one time I got (accidentally) pregnant was also with my seriously abusive ex, who I was making plans to leave after nearly a decade. The thought of being tied to him for life was horrific. I had a miscarriage but would have got an abortion if that hadn't happened.

I was childless by choice until I was 40, my family assumed I'd stay that way. Literally not one person ever asked me why or commented.

Then I had a kid, he's an only child, and not one person has ever mentioned that either. Who would?

Where is this judgement coming from? I've never seen or heard it. People really only care about themselves, if they comment on anyone else's household set up its usually in the same way they'd talk about the weather ie it's an alternative to awkward silence.

@InAMess2023 thing is getting pregnant is a lottery start to finish. It’s not like you can predict any of it from conception to when, where and what pops out.
So often reasons don’t make a lot of sense.

If you just have the one and in my case was a single parent, it’s a whole different ball game to having three and a husband. So actually I never stopped work, took him on lots of exotic holidays and my lifestyle didn’t change at all. I understand that people with three kids have different challenges and other advantages. It’s fun to discuss them.

And nothing lasts forever does it. Stages of childhood come and go. I’m totally back to where I was pre kids because mine is an adult.

Lots of childfree and childless people face judgement. I'm childfree, I've been told I might as well kill myself among other things. My friend was disowned by her parents for not having children. One of my sisters has one child, she's faced judgement for that including being called evil. My cousin has 7 children (so far) and she's been told her children should be taken away because it's cruel to have so many children. Lots of people face judgement for their choices unfortunately.

I don't know why anyone would judge you for not wanting children. It's your choice. It is nobody else's business. It is a perfectly reasonable to choice to make. You do not have to justify it explain it.

I look forward to the day when women no longer feel any need to justify not having children.

Your reasons are perfectly valid. So is "I don't want to."

I don't know why anyone would judge you for not wanting children.

I don't know why either, but nonetheless a hell of a lot of people do. I've been told I'm not a 'real' woman, basically what's the point of me, and won't I be lonely. To name a few things.

That's all really horrible, and completely outside my experience. I'm sorry you have such awful people in your life.

I've had exactly the same. I commented recently on a post on Instagram that was basically spreading misinformation about birth control (something that I absolutely have to take despite the fact I can't get pregnant - the irony). A response I got was (word for word) 'And what you think doesn't matter because you're not [checks notes] a real woman. Hope that helps'

Those are all fair and valid reasons!

It's a shame that we feel we need to justify our choices!

Why do you care so much? Just live your life happily child free. Why are you commenting on stuff like that on instagram?

Or maybe rather than me not commenting on stuff that I feel strongly about people shouldn't think they have a right to be nasty in return? Just a thought

@InAMess2023 thats clear, we’re not usually aggressive the way you are.

Getting shit from randoms online is never pleasant but it's absolutely standard on insta etc. I should know, my name is Karen. I don't think it's open season on childless women because of vile comments from Stacy in Indiana. That comment would be deleted on here as a personal attack.

All completely valid reasons whether you can have children or not.

Our main reason for not wanting children is that we're a little bit selfish and don't want to give up our lifestyle. We both earn above average salaries for where we live and we enjoy spending our free time and extra money on us and enjoying life without having to consider children.

Hey OP, what IS the problem? Why should you get roasted? We are all human beings, hopefully with freedom of choice.
I'm also child free, Asperger's on top. So what? Staying child free was literally the best decision made for myself, by myself. (Married, 44).
You be all right 👍

I think my children are the most magic thing I’ve ever done.

They are exhausting, relentless and almost always a little bit sticky. I would chose them again every life time - but they are a commitment / choice that comes at huge opportunity cost.

I fully support anyone’s choice to not have children. I don’t think you should have to justify it but all of those reasons seem independently v. Sensible.

I would argue that less people should have children than choose to have them. I think child free by choice voices are very important . Peer pressure is a terrible reason to have a child!

They are all good and valid reasons to stay childfree.

Mine is simply that I didn't want the responsibility. Which essentially is all of the things you've said and more.

My dogs tie me down enough and made me certain I wouldn't have enjoyed that responsibility in life.

Yes, you are being judged on here. Not for not wanting children, but for your utter rudeness to other posters. You seem very angry, but it's unfair to be taking that out on other people.

@InAMess2023

Just wondering genuinely why you are so angry? You seem really annoyed and seem to want to attack a lot of people replying to you.

It's a genuine question, I have no issue with your views at all.

😂