So ive calmed down now tell me what you would do..............

[mummypoppins]

I have a Nanny/ housekeeper..there are a number of previous threads on this.

She works 7 to 11 and 3 to 7 in term time and 8 to 7 in the holidays. She also covers when children are ill.

She is paid Full time wages ( 295 net.........we are very rural area ), lives in ( sep annexe with all ameneities ) and has our 3rd car full time for no cost.

Both children are at school ( 8 and 7 ).

One of her jobs is to empty the dishwasher in the morning before she does the school run whilst children are having breakfast.I put it on late a night and any cups from bedtime and my early morning pot of tea are left on the top for it to be reloaded afterwards.

Last night I came home at 8.30pm after yet another mammoth day in the office to the following note in the house diary.

' Re the dishwasher. I am happy to deal with this in the morning but sometimes I feel more like your maid than Nanny. I am trying to teach the children to tidy up after themselves but find it difficult when you and DH do not. If you have drinks please rinse out the cups and empty the teapot. I was bought in a household where it was considered common courtesy and good mannersto tidy up after onself '

That was it.

Your comments ladies please........!!

Gloucester. Can't you google?????? Isn't that a basic nanny skill?

thank you

didnt even think of googling it in my defense can only say I am tired and I cant even blame it on the children being bad as I havent even worked today [hangs head in shame]

give imananny a break - maybe she had some heavy cup rinsing to do.

PMSL

I am so at op. If I had your nanny's job I would certainly not be leaving notes like that. Who is employing who here? Surely if you pay her the extremely good amount you do and provide all the other perks that you do, she is in no position to complain about being asked to load the dishwasher or whatever else you decide is part of her job.

Well... is it time for our post weekend update yet??

Are you going to give her a set budget for expenses? (which would certainly be fair!)

I'm waiting patiently waiting patiently face on....

Im not patient!!

WHATS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!

tap tap atp....

Sorry sorry...no update I am afraid. I wasnt home until 10pm on Friday night. nanny at college all weekend and I am still in the office now. BUT there were a few cups on the side this morning so we will see what she says.

Also I left her an errand to do to run a duvey down to the Launderette so we will se what happens.

I thought I would see what happens this week and then sit down with her Friday night maybe and have a general chat etc.

I am an ostrich I am afraid.............easy to rant on her but much harder to face in reality.

I will set her a budget for expenses definately and I shant be rsuhing to pay her early every month either.

Mummypoppins - scanned the thread and what caught me was the hairdreser episode. IMO this is something to really watch - your nanny spending your money as if it was her own. It can easily be forgotten/glossed over. To me it is a sign that the nanny is now unhappy and also needing to have a change. Spending is for the necessaries with the treat or such. It seems that, for a better word, the heirarchy of the relationship has become blurred. She is in your employ. I just see thst episdoe as a massive alarm signal.

I'm following this thread and can relate to what you've said claricebeansmum. I'm not a manager in work (I'm the other side of the desk) and I'm finding it hard to be sufficiently assertive with someone who is half my age but is very forthright with her opinions, up to and past the point of rudeness. I hate having to keep asserting myself (gently but repeatedly) as the employer. If I do have another ap, I will definitely have a contract with probation clauses and fixed dates for reviews just like we have in work and I'll tackle rudeness on the very first occasion, politely but firmly.

mummypoppins I think you need to tackle her about the things that bother you but I would also hate for you to be left in the lurch if she suddenly packed her bags and left in a huff, though I think this is very unlikely seeing as you provide her with accommodation and a car as well. She might possibly say something like "Well if that's what you think, I'm going to resign and not work out my notice either!" just to see if a look of horror crosses your face as she'll assume you have no back-up childcare plans you can call upon. If you do discuss things with her, I'd suggest you have a list of things i.e. the blazer, the p.e. kit, the hairdresser expenses etc so you can refer to them in a flash if she gets defensive and tries to get the upper hand. Sometimes you can be in the right but come out of a discussion in a weaker position than when you went in, but I'm sure you know this anyway. I've certainly been guilty of not preparing fully in the past and I've got a review coming up and I've filed away the evidence of my hard work, I just need to collate and present it in order to (hopefully) achieve the result I feel I deserve.

nothing wrong with being an ostrich - better to vent on here and feel better,rather than flip at her, and she resigns (if that isnt what you want)

maybe she was having a bad day - it happens - thou still think she was very rude

ps - with your cups, did you leave a teapot with cold bags/water in it?

Oh dear... mummyp I'm concerned you are trying to preserve the nanny's happiness at the expense of your own. You will have to tackle this -- whether now or later, it will come to a head. Best to do it before you have to be put in a straight jacket.

Have just looked up to find out the latest developments - have you had 'the chat'??

Please Mummypoppins, update us.

I can't believe you haven't worked this out.

Do you not think that your nanny may be following this (and every other one you have started to slag her off) thread and is DELIBERATLY trying to piss you off?? All you have done is damn her (in every post you have made, i'm sure!). Her behaviour is VERY unproffesional, I agree, but I sure as hell wouldn't blame her for it!

Back to the letter. I agree, she was out of order. You need to talk to her, else you will be going out of your mind. I think I see her reasoning behind it, but it's no excuse and you need to clear it NOW. For EVERYONES sake.

And stop slagging her off. You are being JUST as unprofessional as her.

why would MP nanny delib try and piss her off by posting about it on here?

If her nanny is unhappy, then tell her to look for another job. She is paid a good wage and when asked to do simple tasks as her contract states as a nanny/Hk she seems to have a problem with it.

me smells a troll!!

MP - how has she been this week, and did you manage to havr a chat last night to clear the air?

I don't think mp is being unprofessional and I don't think this situation is puppeteered by the nanny.

Are you a conspiracy theorist, Charlie?

imananny, don't get me wrong, I completely agree with you, she is being unprofessional and SHOULD look for another job. I have no doubt in my mind about that!

I just think it must be awful to be reading that your employer is slagging you off every five minutes, and therefore her performace at work IS going to suffer, rightly or wrongly.

CharliegirlB, this debate has been rehearsed at length on MN - i.e. employers seeking help / words of advice / perspective vs the perception that by doing this they are slagging off the nanny. I honestly don't think MP is being unprofessional, or slagging her off. There is nothing to suggest that the nanny / housekeeper goes on MN.

The note was clearly insubordination, and it is quite ridiculous to expect people to rinse cups before putting them in the dishwasher!

unless bluethinker - charliegirl is MP nanny or her friend?

we had a charlie on NJ ages ago who was a right stirrer - also called herself lottie!! Hmmmmmmmmmm - - prob not the same person, but you never know - just seems a weird thing for charliegirl to say

often nannies and mums disgree over topics on here,nothing wrong with a healthy mature deabte but I feel that MP is in the right this time, and the nanny/hk very rude, unprofessional and def in the wrong and prob in the wrong job for her

Hang on - listen, I am saying that I agree with you wholeheartedly. The note was out of order, nanny OBVIOUSLY has an attitude problem and needs sorting NOW.

What I am saying is that this seems to have turned into a witch hunt, and MP needs to be more careful. And more professional. It's ok to discuss these issues with a group of Mums sitting around having a coffee, but posting it on here for all and sundrie to read is out of order, IMO.

imananny, am I right in thinking that NJ is nannyjob? I assure you that I am not a member over there. Used the site for job seeking, end of.

And I forgot to say, I think MP IS right. I am not disputing that. Just better to sort it with nanny, surely?

appoligizes charliegirl - your post came across that you were poss MP nanny/friend with your comments reg slagging off the nanny

I am sure that MP will sit down and have a chat with her nanny/hk - but if things cant be sorted out so that both are happy, and that the nanny/hk dos her job better, then MP may look for a new nanny/hk

Yes these are chatboards and obviously anyone can read - if I read something that my MB wrote about me and she wasnt happy, yes i would be a bit upset BUT I would also try an dimprove and have a chat with her

if the nanny/hk was on here, you think she would pull her socks up and improve imo

OMG is all go whilst I was away de stressing at a spa!!

Not that I feel the benefits today to be honest.........end of financial month at work , both my secretaries on a rare day off together . DH away on business , I have a late meeting tonight and guess what..............nanny phones in sick at 6.30am this morning! She did sound terrible and in 18 months has not had a day off so I am not at all unhappy but gosh her timing is impeccible!!!

It seems that I may have misunderstood what mumsnet is all about. Charliegirlb when do you think someone who works at 70 hour week has time to sit around with other mums having a cup of coffee ? ! I think you are a nanny ? Yes ? So surely you understand that anyone who can afford a £2k a month financial committment out of net salary must be living a pretty busy lifestyle and mumsnet is in actual fact sometimes a reality check and no more.

I have no wish to be hard on my nanny at all but she can be rude and unprofessional and as an employer at both home and work I feel that she lives in an unreal world. She has times when she is really good and others when she is downright lazy as you will see from my other posts. I have never employed a nanny before and just wondered really whether my experiences were normal and was looking for advise as to how to handle what is a difficult situation when they ae live in ( or annexe as in my case ).

My Nanny is unhappy and I would be in her situation too but I dont think its is our job that is the cause. We treat her very well and therefore I dont feel that she should take her unhappiness out on me. I am sure she is lonely........miles away from home and at nearly 40 she has no boyfriend ,children or a house or savings. But I am not responsible for that.

NO I didnthave the chat as I have been working all hours but then again last week she was brilliant...........did lots extra and was happy and jolly.

next time we have an issue I will deal with it straight away and not slink off here.........!!