So ive calmed down now tell me what you would do..............

[mummypoppins]

I have a Nanny/ housekeeper..there are a number of previous threads on this.

She works 7 to 11 and 3 to 7 in term time and 8 to 7 in the holidays. She also covers when children are ill.

She is paid Full time wages ( 295 net.........we are very rural area ), lives in ( sep annexe with all ameneities ) and has our 3rd car full time for no cost.

Both children are at school ( 8 and 7 ).

One of her jobs is to empty the dishwasher in the morning before she does the school run whilst children are having breakfast.I put it on late a night and any cups from bedtime and my early morning pot of tea are left on the top for it to be reloaded afterwards.

Last night I came home at 8.30pm after yet another mammoth day in the office to the following note in the house diary.

' Re the dishwasher. I am happy to deal with this in the morning but sometimes I feel more like your maid than Nanny. I am trying to teach the children to tidy up after themselves but find it difficult when you and DH do not. If you have drinks please rinse out the cups and empty the teapot. I was bought in a household where it was considered common courtesy and good mannersto tidy up after onself '

That was it.

Your comments ladies please........!!

I used to be a nanny (an an au pair and mother's help before that) and I would never have dared leave a note like that.

In a good working relationship nannies soon start doing bits that aren't in the contract and some parents don't bat an eye lid if XYZ isn't done every day as mutual respect and trust has grown up.

She sounds like there is either something else going on (it is always something small that tips the balance) and she is trying to provoke a reaction (be careful she is not angling to sue you for wrongful dismissal) or she really is pissed off over a few pots.

She wouldn't last a minute in my house as the d/washer goes on 4 times some days!!

Am I getting this right?
You are paying her £2,000 a month?
You are putting a roof over her head (separate from your house)?
She has free use of your car?
She only takes care of the children round about 4 hours a day?
You also have a cleaner?
Are you made of money ?

Where are you? I'll have her job and I won't moan about doing the dishwasher

If you are going to keep her on, then you need to talk to her. I know it is easy for all of us to say it, as we won't have to face her. But seriously, what is the point if you can't talk to her? You sounds like great employers, she sounds like quite a lost soul. But either way, she is paid to do what she is paid to do, and if she has issues, she needs to raise them in the appropriate way. A snidey letter is not the appropriate way.

But as CrushWithEyeliner says, if you are def going to let her go, then probably not worth getting your knickers in a knot about it.

No maisemor.........£2k a month is what it costs me with her salary...NI and to run the car and sep heat and light the annexe which I could rent out.

As well as taking care of children she prepares a meal for them and she does the house washing and ironing which was her choice as she swopped nursery and kids bathroom cleaning with her ( standard nursery duties )....and I recently gave her the opportunity to swop back which she declined.

She covers full time in the holidays and for kids sickness..........but yes it is very expensive and I think she doesnt see that she is well treated. Its not like I ask her to collect cups form around the house in fact she leaves the DC's cups in their bedrooms on the basis that they should collect them..........which of course they often dont so I end up doing it!

Mummypoppins - you have a nanny/housekeeper and a cleaner and a builder.....

No wonder you're pissed off - you've got staff.

Heck.

gosh yes..............builder has gone to be replaced with painter...........oh and a gardener.................he gives me no trouble at all!

OMG - you're aristocracy??

Lady chatterley?

lol

Can we have a meet up at your place?

no dont be silly.........and yes if you want.......bring all kids..we have outdoor pool.............better leave it a few months to warm up though.

Not a bad environment to work in........even if we do leave cups on the top like slobs!

I shall name change to waynettapoppins.....

I have a confession...

Monday morning I arrived home from the ariport with two small children just after a flight from Chicago. Bloddy knackered -- DS refused to sleep on the plane. I made a weeks worth of grub in the slow cooker. I was exhausted and went to bed in the evening thinking oh I'll clena the kithen early before I go to work. Forgot to set the alarm and woke up after the time I am usually out the door. Mad panic. Flew out of the house. Felt guilty but didn't touch the mess in the kitchen. Got home and it had all been cleaned up.

I lurve my nanny.

I really ned to thank her. I was too ashamed least night and just hung my head in shame. I'm off to the gym tonight, think I'll buy her some creche passes so she can throw DS in the creche and go for nice work out during her work hours.

God only knows what kind of nasty note I would get from your nanny.

Mummypoppins, would you like a new nanny/housekeeper ? I am a trained nurse, lots of experience with children... and loading dirty cups into a dishwasher is my speciality
I would have to have my little DD living with me too, but she's very good at sorting washing...

Your nanny/H.K sounds like she needs a bit of a reminder of how good a deal she has there with you! I can't believe that note! Leaving notes is a disrespectful thing to do to anyone let alone your employer!

What does she do between 11 and 3 then? So, she is paid full time, has free accommodation and a car, plus you have a cleaner who actually cleans. What part of the housekeeping job title does she do, if loading a dishwasher is such a problem. Which it clearly is, despite her saying its not!

Who'e EVER heard of washing/rinsig cups before they go i a dishwasher anyway? Its a bloody dishwasher FGS! Its very name defines it job! jeeez...

God, my blood is boiling for you! Sod your DH, don't leave this, she will think she can say anything she likes and start dictating her job to you, which you pay her for...
you need a proper conversation with her. Ask her what she does in fact see her job title as, and what she feels that entails.

good grief, some people do not know when they've got it good do they?

So, about the job?

Sounds like a match to me.

well quite and as a nurse i guess you have done many a thing that would not be defined a nursing for a lot less money.........ho hum!!

Oooh. Have come all over with a Desperate Housewives Gabrielle vision of you. No wonder the nanny is p*d off.

MummyP it just doesn't seem to stop for you. From this and your other threads she does sound as if she truly believes herself to be the boss here. you say you feel sorry for her but it doesn't sound that as if she has any respect for you at all. This is nothing to do with dishwashers and everything to do with power.

You really do have to have that big talk with her otherwise she will chip and chip and chip at you and it will end up with either your nerves or your temper snapping.

Personally, and having gone through the whole nightmare nanny scenario myself, I would be looking for a new nanny at this point - that letter is beyond rude (think of it this way, would you behave like that at work?). A nanny is only good if she enjoys the respect and confidence of her boss; your nanny has blown all chance of earning this from you.

you live in the Midlands - could possibly make it up for a day trip?????

I really do think your nanny has forgotten that she does have a good job.

I feel a bit like one of those awful ballet teachers,but...

Everyone! Everyone! Look at AtheneNocturna for how to treat your nanny well. See how she does it? Is everyone looking? Are they? Now try to do the same.

Some nannies think they rule the roost and bully their bosses. Some people treat their nanny like crap. Tis never the case that the horrid nannies get the crap families, is it?

AN's nanny is clearly a gem and AN is treating her well. MP's nanny acting like a MIL from Hell and should be shot reminded of her duties. There are other nannies who can drive and be nice to your children. I know getting rid is easier said than done, but I don't see this woman backing down, do you? She would appear to be the simmering resentment sort, from this and your other threads.

I can't tell you the number of times I've stood on my ward and thought, and I studied hard at uni for 3 years for this??? Or, left my ward at 22.30, when the rest of the staff have left at 8pm. I'm still sorting out paperwork, as I didn't have time, due to sorting out all their IV's or things they've not done, or more importantly, talking with relatives. ( something I always made time for)

Point is, I don't get paid for that extra time.. I work from 7am-8pm, with a lunch break of half an hour. supposed to get a dinner break too, I've never had one o all the years I've been qualified! So, i'm only getting that half an hour, which I take in the ward office, in case anyone needs me...

I really really want to stress here that I'm not complaining at all. I'm really not. Its my job. Its all part of my job, and if it needs to be done, so that my patients get the care they need, then so be it. I didn't train to be a nurse for the money, or the hours!

Relevance being your nanny has lost touch with what a the real world is like I think! You are clearly incredibly kind and generous as employers, and care about her welfare. (unlike the NHS! ) You can't let her start doing things like that, with out discussing it.

Gosh, I didn't mean to let this turn into a personal rant about the NHS... not intended anyway. Just am utterly gobsmacked at this.. can you tell?

I think you've been a great employer, you've been very generous and reasonable, you've tried being nice, and it hasn't got you anywhere. So isn't it time you look for a childcare solution that decreases your stress level rather than increases it? You seem to be worried about your nanny's wellbeing more than you are worred about your own. Don't you think your happiness is worth more?

I had a nightmare time with mine, and was hesitant to find a replacement for a long time because I thought she was really good with the children, but the fact that I was stressed with her meant that I wasn't being a good parent to them. I regret not having replaced her sooner. My lesson was: a nanny that's good for the children but not for the parents works out to be good for no one in the long run.

She's got part time hours at full time pay and a car and a house - and she is speaking (or writing) to you like that?

Again i write cheeky cow - thats the nanny/hk not you the MB!!

How hard is it to empty and re pack the dishwasher AS the children are at school fulltime.

Sometimes I empty, sometimes Mb - it all depends BUT was a very rude tone of voice/note she left you!!

What does piss me off , if the dishwasher is empty and things are left on the side rather than put in, but I just say about it in a joking form.

have to say I NEVER rinse the stuff I put in but only as mb/db dont - if they did, I would

you are right she has totally lost touch with the real world...........one of course that is getting harder as we speak certainly financially.

That is what makes me cross that she can't pick up a few cups in an otherwise relatively unstressful day.

Im not sure about you lot but Im a lawyer and its getting pretty tough out there to keep to targets etc........we are all certainly having to work really hard for our money at the moment and I dont think it will get easier in the near future. My nanny of course is totally oblivious to that. I know its not her problem but loading f***g dishwasher is!

I also think that some nannies may find themselves out of work as families cut back and certainly those who work for the really well paid bods in the city may have problems.

TBH if DH lost his job we could afford to keep her out of savings for a good while but Im dam sure I wont now!

imannay I wouldnt dream of doing that.......if they can be loaded I do it .

Some of you may remember that this is the same nanny that left my sons school blazer at school over the Easter holidays because he forgot to bring it home....she couldnt understand that I pay her to remind him and at age 7 to help him look for it. She just shrugged her shoulders!!

yes i rem that thread about the blazer!!

I also rem being offered pimms round your pool

so what are you are going to do or say?