So ive calmed down now tell me what you would do..............

[mummypoppins]

I have a Nanny/ housekeeper..there are a number of previous threads on this.

She works 7 to 11 and 3 to 7 in term time and 8 to 7 in the holidays. She also covers when children are ill.

She is paid Full time wages ( 295 net.........we are very rural area ), lives in ( sep annexe with all ameneities ) and has our 3rd car full time for no cost.

Both children are at school ( 8 and 7 ).

One of her jobs is to empty the dishwasher in the morning before she does the school run whilst children are having breakfast.I put it on late a night and any cups from bedtime and my early morning pot of tea are left on the top for it to be reloaded afterwards.

Last night I came home at 8.30pm after yet another mammoth day in the office to the following note in the house diary.

' Re the dishwasher. I am happy to deal with this in the morning but sometimes I feel more like your maid than Nanny. I am trying to teach the children to tidy up after themselves but find it difficult when you and DH do not. If you have drinks please rinse out the cups and empty the teapot. I was bought in a household where it was considered common courtesy and good mannersto tidy up after onself '

That was it.

Your comments ladies please........!!

I must admit that when I gave my nanny a payrise this month I was astounded at the average rate of inflation in nanny salaries - I agree that the market for nannies is probably going to get very tough soon - DH and I have already gone through all the 'what-if's' and although we think we are safeish job-wise, our bonuses aren't; You do have to weigh up nanny cost vs AP/nursery cost sometimes...if I weren't in 'nannybliss' with my current lady I would definately be buttoning down the hatches right now...

Battening I mean doh!

The note is outrageous. I sat at my desk and went 'huuuuh?' out loud when i rad it and am astounded at the first few posts which present her pov as an exploited downtrodden victim of your feckless ways!

BUT....I thihnk this is now one to sort out directly, honestly and openly in a face-to-face talk, and find out what is really bugging her - or whether she is a self-centred lazy 'taker'. I wouldn't escalate to 'how dare you send me such a note' from the off, i would say you were surprised at the note, and it's tone, and does she really feel that she is being treated badly? Then tell her you were taken aback and don't see it as unreasonable that she load the diswasher with what couldn't go in when it was running. And see how she responds.

£1,200 take home, with no living or car costs to pay is really a good quality of life.

When I had my last nanny job the dishwasher was loaded/put on/emptied but whoever was there be it Mum, Dad or me as the nanny. It wasn't listed as my job but clearly it was part of it.

agreed squiffy and sometimes its only the bonuses that make the stress and the long hours worth it..........so you can have somenice hols with the children when you do see them. I find that our monthly income simply covers our huge outgoings to pay all these people just to stand still. Again i reiterate its not nanny's problem but everyone in the workplace is going to have to try that little bit harder to justify their exsistence so that when push comes to shove employers really do not want you to be the one leaving because you are indespensible.nannies need to realise that they are not immune.

will talk to DH later about how we approach this one.............I dont think she will leave. has alraedy booked her holidays for next year and I agreed to her having a whole month off in August so she could go to Australia.........will be really inconvenient but becasue I am reasonable I will work round it for her.

[ mug emotcion ]

very true mummyp - if (you) mb or dh dont have a job, there is only so long you can afford to pay your/their nanny

us nannies are a HUGE exspense and take up most of the employers salary - most of us reliese this but not all

She will probably leave if you:
Stop giving her advances on her salary.
Limit her spending money.
Give her more housekeeping duties, not fewer.

The note is so rude, it's a personal attack! I wouldn't want her anywhere near my kids!

Oh my god. She's a cheeky mare!!! She is overpaid and lazy. Not to mention rude. If I were you I would have an appraisal sharpish, and give her an updated list of duties to do whilst the kids are at school (after all she is a hk AS WELL as a nanny according to the contract SHE agreed to and signed!!!!) and tell her a further review will be done in a month. If she doesn't like it tough sh!t she can resign. If she doesnt live up to the contract she signed then she should have a performance based review asap. FFS I would love to have as much paid free time as she does!!!! I work 40 hours a week plus am putting myself through nursing school!!! If I can find time to empty/refill the dishwasher etc without complaining then I'm sure she can. Laziness and a bad attitude do not make a good nanny!

And you've got a pool! So, £1000 per month, car, housing, part-time hours...
when she resigns in a huff, can I work for you?

If you really don't want to get rid of her, then you need to reset the roles - and quick !!!
I would turn on 'manager - employee' mode, ie ; I need have an urgent meeting with you to discuss xxxx - and try and make some time to take her 'off site ' (!) - that way it is out of her comfort zone. I would sit down with her somewhere neutral (local caff') and have a proper meeting. You have an agenda etc etc.
I would aks her how she thinks it is going - her expectations / yours / where she thinks she could improve...etc
Throw in a bit of approval - You did really well with XXXXX on such and such an occasion.
But basically, re-instate the roles so she understands you are in charge and you are constantly reviewing how she does, this also means you are aware when she does a good job
too (from her perspective)
I would also bring up the note very specifically ( have it in front of you & bring it out) - I wouldn't say anything first - I would ask her to explain it, then say that you were very disappointed and can she understand why you would be unhappy about it ? Let her explain. - My guess is if she has any sense she will apologise.
Failing that, I think you should really wonder if it;s time for a new nanny/housekeeper !!!

captain mummy - better to unload dishwasher then wash up

If you want a new nanny/housekeeper I'll join the queue for the job while I do my Masters! Whereabouts in the Midlands?

Seriously though she needs a good talking to. The note was unprofessional and rude. If she wanted you to rinse the cups (and yes I rinse them and it's just a tiny little thing that I have for no reason that annoys me) then she should have brought it up in a verbal, jokey kind of way! Worked with my housemates and now all tea/coffee/hot chocolate cups are rinsed out

If you need any help while she's away in August, let me know. I live in Evesham and have been nannying for 21 years and don't mind emptying or filling the dishwasher!

stroppy dollop .(as the apprentice would say ) Im a nanny and have a school age and a 2and a half yr old plus my own . Im employed as a nanny nursery duties only . I do all familys washing ,ironing but not dads shirts , shopping, prepare quite alot of evening meals for parents (all chopping and weighing ) sweep floor every day ,wash floor every other day . On a Monday vacumn all of house (up and down ) post office and dry cleaners stuff . Go to the dump . And I have even been known to use the rods and clean the sewers when it gets blocked . The dishwasher daily . Feed the dog . This is just off the top of my head . I dont get paid mega bucks but I feel I get paid a good wage for 815 to 7 15 . My bosses are fab . Im gratefull to her and she is gratefull to me for all the extras . Your nanny (if you can call her that ) Is a self centered ,self indulgient spoilt brat .

What madness is this? Washing up cups before putting them in a dishwasher! The very idea is as outrageous as nanny's note. I am a part-time nanny, not a housekeeper and I frequently load/ unload the diswasher. I don't see the big deal. Being live-out I know what it's like to rush out in the morning and leave the kitchen looking less than perfect. I think it's just plain rude to make such a fuss about something so small.

blimey paros you are a gem...........my nanny wouldnt do any of that! Its beneath her I am afraid. Which is ridiculous. I pay her less than my PA and I dont provide my PA with a house and Car!

Shazrey........are you working at the moment ? email me at [email protected]. we are just the other side of Pershore.

Thanks for all your support. As I said earlier sometimes you just need MN to confirm you are not mad or unreasonable etc and thats just what this has done for me.

Keep you posted all.
Off to bed
Love MP x

Maybe you need to sack the cleaner and give her a few more housekeeping duties

deduct the equivalent value from her wages

can i work for you?

you sound wonderful

I really think writing you a note like that is appalling and not only extremely rude but immensely disrespectful towards you and your family.

I know you say in many ways she's a great nanny but I would be worried that someone feeling such unjustified resentment towards you is caring for your children. I realise it's hard when you have a routine and this is someone who has cared for your children for some time but I really think you either have to readdress the boss/employee situation here or ask her to move on.

I would give her a verbal warning for that. She simply cannot behave like that and insinuate your family have no manners.

She is the housekeeper and doing what ever reasonable tasks you ask of her is her JOB. I think you need to tell her that it's not up for discussion. If she cannot fulfil her role then she must leave. I'm am 1000% confident you will find lots of fantastic nannies queuing for the job as you have wonderful benefits and pay a fortune!!

Have to say I am shocked at some people's earlier relies on here - this note is unacceptable, simple as that.

How long has she been with you MP?

Not there is any reason to leave such a rude note, as Frannikin said, you might say something jokingly to someone if it annoys them BUT in this case,she is a nanny/hk and if children are at school all day, and she agreed to do the duties in contract, then there is no reason for her to get arsey!!

Paros - you sound like a saint - I am happy to go to dump/post office/dry cleaners/recycle bottles/empty dishwasher/sweep floor after meals, drains maybe if needed but the ironing is a no go with me

I think she is being rude. Wouldn't tolerate it myself. It's an employer/employee relationship and the balance sounds wrong. If she were employed strictly as a nany I could understand, but if the housekeeping is part of her job description then she is being a bit precious.

Lol I said I do the ironing ,I just didnt say how well I do it . I cleaned out the George (whatever his name is ) grill thingy now that is a sh*t job . I hate it . But hey Im on here ,little one is asleep so cant be bad can it .

id sit her down and take the upper hand..you ARE her employer and this balance needs to be reiterated..she 'does' the dishwasher because she is 'asked' AND 'paid' too as its in her job description..remind her of her job description and that to suggest you do not nned to tidy up your morning pots when SHE is paid to empty and reoad tha machine, YOU cannot fill it when it has not yet been amptied when SHE is paid to do it..this one tiny job..then you need to sit down and reasses the role taking into account her FREE car, her SEPERATE own house etc!

i think its more important she helps you children learn respect and tact, of which she doesnt seem to have!

where in the midlands are you? are you looking for a new nanny if so can i offer my darling sister!!