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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

So ive calmed down now tell me what you would do..............

153 replies

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 13:41

I have a Nanny/ housekeeper..there are a number of previous threads on this.

She works 7 to 11 and 3 to 7 in term time and 8 to 7 in the holidays. She also covers when children are ill.

She is paid Full time wages ( 295 net.........we are very rural area ), lives in ( sep annexe with all ameneities ) and has our 3rd car full time for no cost.

Both children are at school ( 8 and 7 ).

One of her jobs is to empty the dishwasher in the morning before she does the school run whilst children are having breakfast.I put it on late a night and any cups from bedtime and my early morning pot of tea are left on the top for it to be reloaded afterwards.

Last night I came home at 8.30pm after yet another mammoth day in the office to the following note in the house diary.

' Re the dishwasher. I am happy to deal with this in the morning but sometimes I feel more like your maid than Nanny. I am trying to teach the children to tidy up after themselves but find it difficult when you and DH do not. If you have drinks please rinse out the cups and empty the teapot. I was bought in a household where it was considered common courtesy and good mannersto tidy up after onself '

That was it.

Your comments ladies please........!!

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MrsWeasley · 16/04/2008 14:29

I think she was having a bad day(PMT?) and you got the brunt. I would maybe just say, I dont mind if you dont rinse the cups before filling the dishwasher.

I think perhaps she is a little comfy with you and hasnt realised what a good deal she is getting. Does she have any children of her own?

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 14:30

TBH I'd get a good au pair and pay her well for those hours and those ages of children.

AtheneNoctua · 16/04/2008 14:36

Good grief, are you still employing this twit? What she needs a swift kick up the arse.

I'd highlight the dishwasher duties in the contract and stick it in the nanny diary. Then I'd tell her face to face that we needed to have a review and that I would be home early on Friday to have this review so that she can clock off at the usual time.

Then I'd have a good stiff drink on Friday night and ponder my approach to her dismissal.

(for those of you who think I'm being harsh have a read through mummypoppin's previous threadsm before you jump on me)

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 14:38

No Mrs W....nor a boyfriend , house , any money or prospects really which is why I feel a little sorry for her. I think sometimes she sees me as her equal and is just maybe a tad jealous.........echos what sumgcolditz says.

Dh just said ignore it and carry on as you were.......if she doesnt like it she knows what she can do !

Men eh ?!

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bozza · 16/04/2008 14:41

Agree that she is being OTT. We have a similar dishwasher system. It is loaded after we eat in the evening so there is usually the odd wine glass (!) etc on the kitchen side in the morning. Then on the 3 days that I work, I have a glass of juice before I leave (7.20) and leave that too. DH will then unload it while he is giving the DC their breakfast/having his. He seems to cope with my unrinsed wine and juice glasses.

AtheneNoctua · 16/04/2008 14:42

Actually, just ignoring it might be the thing that really pissed her off.

hecate · 16/04/2008 14:42

Obv she feels you are taking advantage. Dunno whether that's true or not, don't know the history. However, if it says in her contract - which she signed - that she is to not only empty the dishwasher, but load t again, then simply photocopy her signed contract, underline the specific part relating to that and leave it out for her.

The last sentence of her note to you was totally out of order imo. Who does she think she is?! Very rude.

I'd be leaving one back advising her in the strongest possible terms to never address me like that again.

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 14:46

" 'Re the dishwasher. I am happy to deal with this in the morning but sometimes I feel more like your maid than Nanny. I am trying to teach the children to tidy up after themselves but find it difficult when you and DH do not. If you have drinks please rinse out the cups and empty the teapot. I was bought in a household where it was considered common courtesy and good mannersto tidy up after onself ' "

I would point out the irrelavent of her upbringing to her duties as outlined in her contract too.

I would also make it clear that you would like your children to learn that leaving post-it notes about your concerns is ineffective communication, so can she ensure that she does not do this again.

To be honest, you don't have to tidy up after yourselves much if you are paying her to do that.

RahRahRachel · 16/04/2008 14:46

She does sound very pissed off, but I'm not sure why. Is there other stuff going on and this is the last straw?

Unloading/reloading the dishwasher doesn't sound at all unreasonable tbh, especially if she's a nanny/housekeeper and the children are at school. I'd talk to her, and maybe point out that you and your dh are in a rush to get out of the house in the mornings whereas she can come back and load up the dishwasher after the school run.

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 14:52

Perhaps you could leave a little note back to her along the lines of

"I would like my dc to be brought up to do their contracted jobs happily and not be rude to their employers, I would be appreciative if you could start setting this example." Perhaps she will flounce?

I am joking btw

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 14:53

I love Mnet.its such a great leveller.......maybe some outraged nannies will be along in a minute !

We have to keep the balance equal !

RRR....im not aware of anything else going on to be honset. She hasnt said.

She can always chose to leave if she is so unhappy.

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Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 14:56

PS I wonder what my response might be when she asks again this month to be paid early again on the 21st rather than the 30th because.......now what excuse will it be this month ?..........shall I ?

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MrsWeasley · 16/04/2008 14:59

Maybe you should ask if she wants to have a meeting to update her contract. Everything that she isnt happy with gets replaced with another job or her money get reduced.

WanderingTrolley · 16/04/2008 15:01

On behalf of nannies, can I just say....

....she is totally out of order. Rude and unprofessional. I'm not a nanny any more but that kind of "I'm the boss, not you" attitude embarrasses me and gives nannies a bad name. I'm guessing her control freakery over how hygienic is the inside of your dishwasher stems from only ever living on her own, without the experience of living wiht a partner or a family. She's been far too long in the job imo and I would be itching to take her down a peg or two. Does she know they're your children, not hers? (personal bugbear about nannies who refer to 'my children' - creepy, that)

She has a very cushy, very well paid job. Were most of us in that position, we would take the rough - and it's hardly rough, really, is it? - with the smooth.

I am most indignant on your behalf, can you tell? You pay the moo piper, you call the tune. It's not as if you're asking her to mine coal for the fire.

She is very full of shite.

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 15:04

Calm down WT..........think of your blood pressure.......was on a par with mine last night!

And just to think this morning she did her Yoga class after dropping the kids off..and today she wont have to collect again until 5pm.........its sooooooooo tough having to do the dishwasher!

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WanderingTrolley · 16/04/2008 15:06

And how the hell do you rack up debts and need paying early when you take home over a grand a month with no rent to pay? Tell her you are trying to teach the children about money management, and cut her personal pocket money...gravy train...salary top up....kitty money sharpish.

"I am happy to deal with [the dishwasher]..."

No you bloody aren't!

RahRahRachel · 16/04/2008 15:06

I'm a nanny mummypoppins and I'm far from outraged, just confused. Why would glasses need to be rinsed before going in the dishwasher? Ok, maybe you could empty the teapot - but it's only a 2 second task anyway. Since she's supervising the children's breakfast and presumably clearing up after that, surely the couple of extra glasses on top makes no difference to her?

In any case, I would never be that rude to an employer (or a colleague or employee for that matter!).

Anchovy · 16/04/2008 15:06

RE dishwashers and nannies, we have a lot of give and take in our house. Sometimes the dishwasher only gets put on after breakfast or not all the breakfast things can go in it - nanny deals with it, even though she hasn't contributed to it's contents. Sometimes she sets the dishwasher as her last job before she leaves, or it is just finishing when I get in - we deal with it. No biggie either way - its only getting crockery in and out of a dishwasher.

This is so not about the dishwasher, though. You know that, don't you.

Sidge · 16/04/2008 15:10

I think the dishwasher isn't the problem here.

It sounds to me like there has been a breakdown in communication and neither party is very happy. I guess from the hours she works and the hour that you get home that you don't see much of her?

Time for an appraisal I think! There's no point having a nanny/housekeeper that cherry-picks what she likes to do.

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 15:10

well yes RRR that what I feel.........blood pressure apart its not that bad.......she only has about 5 things to do from the children's breakfast surely a couple of cups isnt that bad........

Yesterday a milk bottle had spilt in the fridge and she did wipe it out for me and throw away the veg that it had covered ..........but then left me a note to ask the cleaner to give it a good clean which I did and she will.....I am not unreasonable really.

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PhDiva · 16/04/2008 15:14

No, you didn't hire her to sort YOUR life out. It is your house, and you can bloody well do WHATEVER you want in your own home. This is such a tiny matter, she will just have to find some way to cope. Sometimes the better you treat people, the worse they will behave.

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 15:15

anchovy / Sidge...........it would seem so but she had an appraisal at Christmas and a bonus and payrise and absolutely nothing has changed since then..........in fact if anything I do more and she does less partly because I cant trust her not to waste kitty money if I ask her to run an errand........eg she took my 7 yr old to the barbers for a haircut recently and on top of the hiarcut spent £16 on hair gel and posh shampoo for him as well !

She cannot help spending money. So ive cut back on things that I ask her to like that and I think she may be a bit bored. She liked the going out and spending my money bit too much!

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oranges · 16/04/2008 15:16

but why do you still have her??

CrushWithEyeliner · 16/04/2008 15:20

I think the note is v cheeky, she sounds ped off about something. But if you know you are going to let her go soon i wouldn't bother making a big deal.

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 15:22

Beacuse the school run is a 30 mile round trip on the motorway and she is totally reliable with the children and very ggod at homework and stuff like that.

Its very difficult!

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