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Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

215 replies

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 03:16

I'm in a really awkward situation. We have had our nanny almost a year and have 3 children, the eldest two are fine with the nanny but have said nanny has become quite strict. The youngest who is 2.5 has for the last couple of months become increasingly upset when the nanny comes. She will start crying when she hears the nanny's voice and has gone from clinging to us and crying, and most recently saying "no not (nannys name)" when nanny arrives to begging to go to bed, even twice has tearfully asked to put clothes on if the nanny has come whilst getting dressed, and once at a meal time had got down from the table but ran back to it and started eating when the nanny arrived.

My partner watched the nanny force food into her mouth last week until she was sick - but stupidly didnt say anything and this week when the nanny arrived I said that the baby really didnt seem to like them at the mo but didnt understand why - the nanny looked uncomfortable but offered no explanation. I have heard the nanny shouting at her on serveral occassions.

It has gotten to the point where we feel terrible leaving our daughter alone with the nanny particularly as the elder 2 are often not around.

The nanny is leaving us in 3 months but I dont think I can cope with seeing our little one so distressed during this time. She is normally so happy, playful & sociable and loves her other babysitter but is totally different when the nanny is here, she seems withdrawn.

My hubby & I have spent the last 2 months saying to each other not to jump to conclusions but something is seriously wrong here. Has anyone got any advice? I have to give one months notice to end contact but wouldn't even know what to say.

OP posts:
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imananny · 14/04/2008 13:40

PP has to pay notice as she cant really sack him for gross misconduct as

  1. hubby was there and didnt say anything
  2. force feeding child wasnt stated in contract as sackable behaviour ( though obviously most nannies would never do this )
NotABanana · 14/04/2008 13:50

Do you really believe that every little thing has to be listed as gross misconduct to be immeidately dismissable for?

BabyBaby123 Just what I have been saying all along.

imananny · 14/04/2008 14:09

no i dont expect every thing to be listed BUT though I would NEVER do what the nanny did - the dad was there and DIDNT make any comment to the nanny at the time - and also didnt mention it to PP till a bit later, so i really dont think you can sack a nanny and not pay them for something they did (however wrong ) if it wasnt mentioned/dealt with at the time

its not as if you left a child alone in the house. found out about it from neighbour a week later and then fired them, the employer was present and did not do anything about the situation

NotABanana · 14/04/2008 15:45

Well the job I was fired from because I didn't make the child put his gloves on. I wasn't dismissed straight away. I think it is ridiculous to have that as a reason not to fire him with immediately effect.
Yes, the dad was clearly wrong not to chastise the nanny at the time but I still say this nanny mistreated this child and as such has lost all rights to any notice and should be fired immediately with no pay. JMO.

imananny · 14/04/2008 19:36

I am not saying that the nanny didnt mistreat the child - he did, and was he did wasnt right!!

Guess in the end its up to PP what she wants to do, and how to sort out the legal side of stuff with her nanny.

OMG - sacked for not wearing gloves-shes sounds like a nutter and you are def better away from that job imo - were they a nice family to work for BEFORE that?

NotABanana · 14/04/2008 19:42

I had thought they were okay but I was in my late teens.

I figured he would soon put them on when his hands were cold. I was trying to teach him something without a big drama of me making him. They decided it meant I wouldn't have any authority over him when it came to potty training.

imananny · 14/04/2008 19:46

how bloody stupid!!

i must be a bad nanny, often my youngest doesnt wear gloves, but is given the choice whether to wear them

nanny123 · 14/04/2008 21:49

But the husband is not the nanny's employer - only PP is - therefore it could have been anyone, e.g. sister or brother telling PP this and not said anything as they did not think it 'necessary'. Therefore she has only just found out and could technically state this as gross misconduct?

NotABanana · 15/04/2008 14:43

Of course the husband is the employer too! He is the child's father is he not?

Seems too much emphasis has been put on the nanny's rights and not on the child who was force fed.

philmassive · 17/04/2008 16:40

Get rid of him now. Make sure that he takes all his belongings with him and has no access to your home or kids and tell their school not to let the kids go with him as he no longer works for you. He is not suitable to be working with children. I am concerned that you even had to ask.

NotABanana · 17/04/2008 18:12

What has happened re the meeting?

NotABanana · 10/05/2008 18:08

What happened with this?

Lovesdogsandcats · 11/05/2008 19:00

God why the pussyfooting around, worrying about if he sues etc..so what?
He would be sacked and never setting foot im my house, AND I'd have a field day in court if it came to that-which it wouldn't because he KNOWS she's abusive!

Lovesdogsandcats · 11/05/2008 19:00

knows HE's abusive I meant

tomwill · 18/05/2008 12:22

You have to sack this person now. He'll probably be relieved as it sounds like he hates your children. The force feeding is what you know about, what about other things you don't.

Be a responsible parent and do the right thing now.

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