Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

[Possiblyparanoid]

I'm in a really awkward situation. We have had our nanny almost a year and have 3 children, the eldest two are fine with the nanny but have said nanny has become quite strict. The youngest who is 2.5 has for the last couple of months become increasingly upset when the nanny comes. She will start crying when she hears the nanny's voice and has gone from clinging to us and crying, and most recently saying "no not (nannys name)" when nanny arrives to begging to go to bed, even twice has tearfully asked to put clothes on if the nanny has come whilst getting dressed, and once at a meal time had got down from the table but ran back to it and started eating when the nanny arrived.

My partner watched the nanny force food into her mouth last week until she was sick - but stupidly didnt say anything and this week when the nanny arrived I said that the baby really didnt seem to like them at the mo but didnt understand why - the nanny looked uncomfortable but offered no explanation. I have heard the nanny shouting at her on serveral occassions.

It has gotten to the point where we feel terrible leaving our daughter alone with the nanny particularly as the elder 2 are often not around.

The nanny is leaving us in 3 months but I dont think I can cope with seeing our little one so distressed during this time. She is normally so happy, playful & sociable and loves her other babysitter but is totally different when the nanny is here, she seems withdrawn.

My hubby & I have spent the last 2 months saying to each other not to jump to conclusions but something is seriously wrong here. Has anyone got any advice? I have to give one months notice to end contact but wouldn't even know what to say.

You need to give written reasons for dismissal.

How long has he worked for you, out of interest? If less than a year don't worry too much about process etc.

yes less than a year

well men are useless apart from nick - he is a godsend with his information about everything - but the average man doesnt see things the way a woman does

dont worry about it anymore PP, there is nothing you can do about wht has happened and you are changing the situation and sure your youngest will be a much happier child

Good luck pp. i had a similar situation but with a CM earlier in the year. The DC are all fine now, but it took me a while to realise what was going on. I raised my concerns with the CM - and he sacked us! Absolute blessing in disguise in the end. We have a lovely nanny now and I can't tell you the relief I feel.

Blimey, if my child was terrified of the nanny and I sacked him/her I wouldn't be writing made up excuses as to why. I'd be writing that their services are no longer required as my chilld is terrified of them. And I would put it in references too, though that might be illegal, so I would tell nanny that a reference will not be forthcoming.

Me too, barnstaple.

I wouldn't be protecting the nanny's feelings or paying them either.

i agree with the last two posts. i would not, under any circumstances be paying him. he has been abusing your child and you are paying him?? and you are concerned about his feelings?? you have a duty to ensure your own child's safety and you should also be trying to ensure the safety of other children by doing your best to make sure he doesn't work with children again.

legally PP would have to pay as i dont think you can sue the nanny/fire for misconduct BECAUSE the dh was there and he DIDNT SAY ANYTHING while the behaviur was happening iyswim

Ok last 3 posters yes would be far nicer on my pocket not to pay and paying when baby has become so unhappy is depressing too but are you honestly saying you wouldn't pay despite all possible employment legal issues, as has already been pointed out the issue of force feeding was not dealt with at the time. Im wondering if you arew saying this on principle but would not actually do it yourself? Curious to know..

Yes I'm going to try and focus forward now Imananny. And have to say nick is a world of information 2!

Nannynick I was smiling to myself just now as you helped me with loads of advice when I was recruiting nanny now giving advice on how to get rid...u r a star.

Really thank you everyone who has helped to get this clear as light for me. I'm sorry it has annoyed some ppl but I guess thats just the way of the world.

Uptomyeyes I'm sorry you went through a similar situation but glad to hear ur children are happy now. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in realising something was up str8 away.

You can't please everyone all the time, you can only please some people some of the time

The gross misconduct section of a contract is I feel quite important - it should list those things that the employer considers are grounds for instant dismissal.

PP's situation has possibly added something for that list... force feeding a child.

Good luck PP, hope your phone call goes well and that you and your children are happy with whatever you decide to do next regarding childcare.

I am saying it on principal and also in reality. Why on earth would you pay someone who has been mistreating your child?

Sack him. Don't pay him. Let him try and sue you for non payment and you can say exactly why he wasn't paid and he can get done for cruelty to a child.

New contract point - gross misconduct = no pay.

Hardly straight away if this has been going on for 2 months but at least now you are doing the right thing.

a bit irrelaivant now but desruptive influence is actually just a formal warning, not gross misconduct, my bad

Hmm well many ppl I have asked have said kids often go thro a clingy stage and this can even be when they are used to an enviroment and as stated she was clingy and cried sometimes when nanny arrived at that stage but there was absolutely no other cause for concern. So i will ignore last comment.

Fair enough.

Yes missiesparkles just reading my contract and it's under misconduct on mine.

glad i was helpful and sorry that some of the comments werent helpful, but guess on a board like mumsnett, people will always disagree

main thing is that the nanny wont be coming back

so PP

what are you going to do about childcare next week, assume the older 2 will be off school?

Yes that's true, world would be a boring place if we all thought the same way!

I'm going to use the other babysitter I think and try and talk to a relative who live about an hour away to see if they can help me at all. If needs be will take a few odd days off.

I will start advertising for another nanny I think but just had a thought, if I was to make nanny redundant and it was under a year would I have to pay? Obviuosly you cant make someone redundant and then replace them but maybe a relative would be different??

Don't let this person look after your child for even one more day.

If he's been with you less than a year you don't have to follow a process, all you would have to do is pay him his notice. You don't even have to give a reason if you don't want to.

Before a year he has no right to claim unfair dismissal unless it's some kind of discrimination, which it wouldn't be. So it doesn't matter whether it's gross misconduct and it doesn't matter that the incident wasn't dealt with at the time, he can't complain unless you don't pay him his notice.

You aren't making your nanny redundant though are you? You are sacking him for being mean to your child.

I don't think you can make someone redundant if the job is still there

you'd have to dismiss wouldn't you?

you cant make a nanny redundant IF job is still there, but you can dismiss them, and if you also pay notice as in contract, tech they wont have a leg to stand on (flowerbeanbag said it better)

you have to be in a job for 2 years before redundancy kicks in

happy hunting

Suspend on full pay and take legal advice?