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Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

215 replies

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 03:16

I'm in a really awkward situation. We have had our nanny almost a year and have 3 children, the eldest two are fine with the nanny but have said nanny has become quite strict. The youngest who is 2.5 has for the last couple of months become increasingly upset when the nanny comes. She will start crying when she hears the nanny's voice and has gone from clinging to us and crying, and most recently saying "no not (nannys name)" when nanny arrives to begging to go to bed, even twice has tearfully asked to put clothes on if the nanny has come whilst getting dressed, and once at a meal time had got down from the table but ran back to it and started eating when the nanny arrived.

My partner watched the nanny force food into her mouth last week until she was sick - but stupidly didnt say anything and this week when the nanny arrived I said that the baby really didnt seem to like them at the mo but didnt understand why - the nanny looked uncomfortable but offered no explanation. I have heard the nanny shouting at her on serveral occassions.

It has gotten to the point where we feel terrible leaving our daughter alone with the nanny particularly as the elder 2 are often not around.

The nanny is leaving us in 3 months but I dont think I can cope with seeing our little one so distressed during this time. She is normally so happy, playful & sociable and loves her other babysitter but is totally different when the nanny is here, she seems withdrawn.

My hubby & I have spent the last 2 months saying to each other not to jump to conclusions but something is seriously wrong here. Has anyone got any advice? I have to give one months notice to end contact but wouldn't even know what to say.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:44

antihistimines

OP posts:
NotABanana · 12/04/2008 19:46

He still shouldn't have bought them for her without asking you. How did you find out?

Have you rung and fired him yet?

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:47

Just tryng to find guidelines on that tablets to make sure I cover my back first.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 12/04/2008 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:54

Im simply pointing out would rather be covered legally than be sued etc and have already said we will not have the nanny back just ensuring the dismissal is correct and that if I CAN save the money I will - er what is fake about that?! Strange thing to say...

OP posts:
busymum1 · 12/04/2008 19:54

even more worryin if your child on any other medication could react and make child ill sod leaflet FIRE HIM NOW

madamez · 12/04/2008 20:04

I think you have grounds to sue the nanny, frankly, or to call the police on him, for giving your children antihistamines without your knowledge and consent.
I presume the idea was to make the children go to sleep (antihistamines have a sedative effect) -my parents used to give me the occasional dose of Sea Legs or other mild antihistamine if they wanted me to sleep, but the nanny doing it without counsulting you is seriously out of order.

themildmanneredjanitor · 12/04/2008 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

barnstaple · 12/04/2008 20:24

If you're still dithering over the legal position then you are a troll.

NotABanana · 12/04/2008 20:31

You can't seriously be saying that you want to do the right thing and check the legal position more than you want to save your children from potential harm?

CrushWithEyeliner · 12/04/2008 20:59

oh for fuck's sake

you are an idiot or a troll

SmugColditz · 12/04/2008 21:06

sack nanny

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 22:55

By themildmanneredjanitor on Sat 12-Apr-08 20:08:49
it's not a strange thing to say at all. it doesn't sound real.

read your posts back to yourself.

Er sorry but baffled at what exactly doesn't sound real but not going to worry about your pointless comment anyway.

And no Notabanana as I have said lots of times I'm not having the nanny back - see my last post I'm trying to see if I can just go through gross misconduct rather than pay in lieu as the idea of paying more money angers me...

sorry I can only laugh at these silly troll/idiot abuse!!! Very playground but then I'm guessing maybe you aren't really able to deal with things on a mature level hence varying opinion. I don't mean to be rude and won't stoop to that level but if you dont have anything constuctive to say then you might want to find another topic to post on.

I think all my concerns have become clarified clearly throughout today and my options WRT dismissal process are clear. Once again thank you peeps for your thoughts and advice. Obviously as I stated from the beginning I won't be having the nanny back. Cheers guys.

OP posts:
nannynick · 13/04/2008 00:49

I do not advise that you go down the Gross Misconduct route. While there may be sufficient grounds (given the medication situation) it could get nasty. While it may seem wrong to pay someone off, it happens in a lot of cases. You don't want to start involving solicitors and the such, costs will spiral and the outcome could be the same.

As flowerybeanbag wrote
"Just dismiss him. Pay him his notice. It doesn't matter whether it's gross misconduct or not, it doesn't matter if you follow a procedure or not. He's only been there 7 months. He has no right to claim unfair dismissal if you don't follow a procedure or if he thinks you are not justified in dismissing him."

You want the situation to go away as fast as possible... this is the way to do it.

nannyL · 13/04/2008 08:35

Im sure there is now LAW in this country that allows children to be abused, or that would let you be sued for not allowing youre own child to be abused

CrushWithEyeliner · 13/04/2008 09:39

Are you at least going to tell the agency what he has done to your children?

imananny · 13/04/2008 12:18

OMG - he gave your child tablets and didnt mention it

i give my charges medicine,ie calpol/nurofen if teething/ill etc and have been known to give piriton if stung by wasp/hayfever/rash/allegy and wouldnt phone my mb to check with her if it was ok as i asked at interview so know not allergic etc, plus i know she TRUSTS me to do what is best for her child at that time, but i would DEF MENTION IT to her that evening, or send a text just saying XXX got stung, have given piraton

Why did he give it to your child - was there a valid reason, like i described above?

CrackerOfNuts · 13/04/2008 13:15

How old is the child that he gave tablets too ??

Tbh I very much doubt that confronted with what you know he has been doing, the nanny will take it any further if you tell him to fuck off and never come near your family again.

FunNanny1 · 13/04/2008 14:05

Possiblyparanoid - did uget it sorted with ur nanny, what area are you just out of curiousity

phraedd · 13/04/2008 14:08

sack the nanny.

Tell him that you never want to see or hear from him again and that you are seeking legal advice with regards to child abuse/gross misconduct.

I'm sorry but if someone force fed one of my children or gave them medicine without my permission or knowledge there is no way I would have them any where near me or my family again.

lulumama · 13/04/2008 14:27

this is madness

sack the nanny instantly

let him/her try to sue you when your own husband witnessed force feeding

it is ridicolous

and report to the agency

at the end of the day, you might lose a few quid if the nanny sues, and wins ( unlikely) but your child will be safe

imananny · 13/04/2008 14:41

PP is getting rid of her nanny,she has said several times she was - that is not the issue here now

more how to do it legally iyswim

bigdonna · 13/04/2008 15:03

read most of the posts pp ,hope you find a better nanny whom is loving and kind to your dc.i used to be nanny ,my charges would run back to table to eat breakfast but telling mum and dad "my donna here now im a good boy".He wasnt frightened of me he was my little angel!!!!!!

NotABanana · 13/04/2008 15:42

Maybe people were suggesting this wasn't real because most normal parents would be concentrating on getting shot of a cruel, abusive nanny than trying to make sure they aren't sued for not following procedures. I don't think the nanny followed procedures did he?

Sack the nanny over the phone.

Tell him why.

Let him try and sue you.

End of.

looneytune · 13/04/2008 15:59

I feel a bit sorry for the OP tbh. She's come on for advice, said over and over she's sacking the nanny and is just trying to get it clear in her head before calling him. Her delaying the phone call to have it clear in her head is NOT putting her children at any more risk! Just because we're seeing her talk of the legalities on here doens't mean she's not fuming and in a right state at home about the whole thing. It's just that the advice she needs now is the legal side and that's what she's asking about.

I totally agree with what everyone has said about getting shot asap and all that, just feel like she's being given a really hard time about it all.

PP - hope you get it sorted. Let us know how you get on

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