Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

[Possiblyparanoid]

I'm in a really awkward situation. We have had our nanny almost a year and have 3 children, the eldest two are fine with the nanny but have said nanny has become quite strict. The youngest who is 2.5 has for the last couple of months become increasingly upset when the nanny comes. She will start crying when she hears the nanny's voice and has gone from clinging to us and crying, and most recently saying "no not (nannys name)" when nanny arrives to begging to go to bed, even twice has tearfully asked to put clothes on if the nanny has come whilst getting dressed, and once at a meal time had got down from the table but ran back to it and started eating when the nanny arrived.

My partner watched the nanny force food into her mouth last week until she was sick - but stupidly didnt say anything and this week when the nanny arrived I said that the baby really didnt seem to like them at the mo but didnt understand why - the nanny looked uncomfortable but offered no explanation. I have heard the nanny shouting at her on serveral occassions.

It has gotten to the point where we feel terrible leaving our daughter alone with the nanny particularly as the elder 2 are often not around.

The nanny is leaving us in 3 months but I dont think I can cope with seeing our little one so distressed during this time. She is normally so happy, playful & sociable and loves her other babysitter but is totally different when the nanny is here, she seems withdrawn.

My hubby & I have spent the last 2 months saying to each other not to jump to conclusions but something is seriously wrong here. Has anyone got any advice? I have to give one months notice to end contact but wouldn't even know what to say.

There are no bloody legal issues here. Force. Feeding. Your. Child. GROSS MISCONDUCT. No notice, no warning, get the fuck out of my house. Its quite simple really.
I am absolutely flabbergasted you are even allowing this person to be in your home, let alone be 'look after' (I use the term very loosely) your DC!! If you have a contract, one of the terms of gross misconduct should be "causing a disruptive influence in the household" so there you go.
Also - Your DH!! Did he not think what he saw was wrong?!!

Sorry I just dont get why your husband didnt just frog march him out of the house on witnessing this. You must know it's wrong if you were considering giving a verbal warning. Personally if I felt I had to issue warnings to someone looking after my children because of cruel acts then they'd be out the door. It's not like they were late several times hence the warning.

you are entitled to get rid of your nanny for no real reason(though force feeding is more than a good enough reason,esp as DH saw it/was there) PROVIDING you do as contract says, so if it say pay a months notice, then i would call them up, say that their services are not needed anymore and just pay the 4 weeks money outright.

That way, you are still within your rights, plus nanny cant get arsey over legal rights, as you have given them notice, and you are paying them, just they are not working the notice out iyswim

PLEASE PLEASE do not let this person continue to look after your children.

Assume you willNOT be giving them a reference

I am going to leave this thread now as it's too upsetting.

Yes hubby was in the room but I was not - not sure if it makes any difference but only I am the nanny's employer on the contract. I'm going to dig out the contract in a minute. I certainly dont want any legal ramifications so reading some of your posts I'm considering the payment in lieu of notice - would the holidays cease accumulating immediately if I did that? Just trying to get an idea of how much I need to pay in total.

Disciplinary and Grievance Procedures - may be a useful booklet, talks about disciplinary procedures, formal warnings, gross misconduct.

Yes well thats what I am worried about CoteDAzur and hercules. I must stress that apart from hearing him raising her voice at her on previous occassions I have not witnessed anything that I felt was bad conduct.

PP are you not outraged on your childs behalf?
Don't the legal ramifications come secondary to your child?
What has your dh got to say about it?

You would need to work out the leaving date (so end of the month's notice period) and calculate if there was any holiday owed - as far as I am aware.

The other option is to terminate based on Gross Misconduct. As your employee has been with you for under a year, they most likely will not be able to claim unfair dismissal. But you need to go through the disciplinary procedures, which could mean suspending them on full pay while you talk with them and others involved to establish what actually happened.

Bestbear
It seems to have all relevent infor here btw.

You are being an idiot.

Your nanny made your child sick.

Your child is terrified of the nanny.

This person needs to never be in charge of your children again and if you let them, don't bother asking me for advice when your child has future problems.

You really have to put your kids before your job.

FWIW When I was a nanny I was asked to leave because they didn't feel I had the authority to potty train the child in future as I didn't make him wear his mittens in the cold. I figured it wasn't worth forcing the issue (I had only been there a few days) and he would soon change his mind when we went out.

My point is I got sacked for a lot less.

WRT hubby not speaking to nanny str8 away he said he didn't know whether to or not

I have just spoken to hubby and he said the nanny pushed too much food into her mouth while she already had food in it and she gagged and the food all came back out - appears she did not actually vomit from the stomach - not that really makes any difference.

This is our first nanny.

For heaven's sake woman "only I am am the employer". Stop being so wet. Your children, your employee. Even one incident of mistreatment should be questioned immediately. You don't sit on these things and let them fester.

You've clearly been waiting for somebody to say this and nobody has yet - but surely your 2.5 yr old's safety is more important than a week's income for one of you?

why is your nanny leaving in 3 months time?

just curious and nosey

think holiday is 1.3 days a month? so depends if has had any holidays in the past year - sure they have, whether yours or theirs

check your contract and then pay 4weeks etc

if it were not for the force feeding incident - would you still be happy for nanny to stay?

my charges run across living room to the front door when they hear my key go in the lock and fling their arms round me&kiss me

i think the fact your youngest is unhappy with your nanny, but happy to stay with the other babysitter, proves they are not trying it on as mummies going to work

Yes Flynnie of course I am which is why I posted seeking advice.

Sounds like your nanny is too forceful and strict at the very least, and a bit of a psycho monster at worst. Get rid. A 2.5yr old should be bouncy and delightful and cuddly, not shaking and crying in fear, with any caregiver they truly feel safe and loved with. That should tell you all you need to know.

Hi, have not joined in these kind of discussions before, just use mumsnet for offering childcare services but i just had to post.

You have to get rid of this person straight away. it sounds like there is a form of abuse going on. the child is scared stiff of him. i could not and would not leave my child even for one more day with this person regardless of not being able to go to work or him possibly taking legal action.

this is so, so wrong. if he did that while your husband was standing there what on earth is he doing to her when you are not there?

please, please sack him today. your child is being abused and i am sorry to say you are letting her down, standing by and watching it happen.

You are a mother

You love your kids

This is what you need to do -

You need to phone the nanny right now and give them immediate notice for the fact they force fed your child.

If you are feeling scared they will sue you sorry, but then pay them off the months notice and get yourself off work for a bit to resettle your child and give them back some security.

As mentioned a few times, I do not want the nanny to continue with us - this means not returning here, so income v kids debate not necessary.

He has decided on a change of career. No, before i knew of the forcefeeding incident and him advising of new job I had already been thinking of giving him notice. I was even going to be honest and say it was because she really didn't like him.

So what did you post for?

I know I said I wouldnt come back but..
I still dont honestly understand why you are dithering about how and when to get rid. WHy would you let someone look after your child for one minute who you say you have serious concerns over? I am still hoping this thread is a wind up.

right so your mind has been made up - you are firing your nanny - good!!

go find your contract - read the notice period and pay the nanny off

guess in the nannys defense, they thought they werent doing anything wrong,as did it in front of your dh and he didnt comment - so sacking them for that without pay, might not work, so pay them their notice

what were you going to do about childcare in 3 mths time?

I hope it isn't as to joke about cruelty to children is awful but I agree I hope it is, in that a child isn't being mistreated.

this is all what i felt but just needed to hear it from ppl with an outside perspective.

As the force feeding incident wasnt dealt with at the time I'm guessing the most appropriate thing would be to give payment in lieu of notice and be done with it.