Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

Depends what the other children she had there are - if young babies etc maybe she was very worried. I do think it was bit of a knee jerk reaction though, children take time to settle and be happy somewhere

He shouldn’t be hitting anyone 2-3 times a year, did you mean that?

Childminder has to consider all the children in her care.

She shouldn't have to expect 4 year olds hitting, pushing or throwing things in her home.

If it was me, I'd be really upset, I would apologise to her and try to tackle my child's behaviour.

My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something
But this is what childminders do and are used to it, so having a child settled and keeping him stimulated is nothing new, that surely cannot be the problem.
I wouldn't be happy with this on the first day, no. She should have some knowledge on how to deal with that type of behaviour. If the behaviour continues and it is quite bad then it is understandable, as I guess she needs to safeguard the other kids...

I imagine starting school and going to a new child minder all in one week is too much for him. That said, she has to safeguard her other mindees.

That does sound rubbish OP. To make a judgement in just 2 hours seems unreasonable to me.

@OrangeTortoise

That does sound rubbish OP. To make a judgement in just 2 hours seems unreasonable to me.

Agreed. Surely even if he was the most terribly behaved child she had ever minded (not saying he is) she wouldn't make a snap decision in 2 hours on his first day, in the same week he had also started school.

I would be wondering if no matter how well he behaved she would have terminated the contract it sounds more likely that she's changed her mind about having him.

Sounds like a pretty poor childminder to me if she judged a four year old as completely unmanageable in the space of two hours. What did she try to settle/engage him? What age and how many other children?

I am sure she wouldn’t turn down work without good reason. She may genuinely have felt she couldn’t manage him.

Is she experienced and came well recommended? In that case, she probably has a waiting list of potentially easier children.
Even throwing is dangerous, if there are babies in the room. A thrown car or block can really hurt.
It is no fun handing children back and having to apologise that they have been injured by another child.

If you are looking after a baby, a couple of toddlers and a couple of other young children, and also trying to make tea for everyone, and one child is hurting the others and throwing things, two hours would definitely be enough to know if you can't manage them!

It's easy to judge her as a "poor childminder" when you haven't experienced keeping multiple young children safe, engaged and fed.

@pinkcattydude

Obviously he shouldn't be hitting but he's a young child
And 2 or 3 times a year is hardly frequent.

It's also definitely not worth her risking the parents of a full time baby/toddler withdrawing their child because they've been hurt by an older child who only does 2 hours a night.

@Trevorsarse

Sounds like a pretty poor childminder to me if she judged a four year old as completely unmanageable in the space of two hours. What did she try to settle/engage him? What age and how many other children?

I agree. Giving up after 2 hours is ridiculous. I suspect she's changed her mind, or has another child lined up to take his place.

I've been a childminder and wouldn't have given up like that! Have a word with the parents yes but seriously, he probably just needs a little time to settle in.

New school and new childminder is a lot of change when you’re 4. I think it’s probably not the childminder’s fault such that you can leave a poor “review” - I’d have expected a bit more time for her and him to settle and work on the behaviour but equally perhaps it’s not the right setting for him after school and so better to know that now.

You’ve got more things to focus on than a poor review.

If she’s just met him, she doesn’t know that it’s out of character for him. If he turned up on the first day and was hitting and pushing, she probably thought oh sod that and that she doesn’t want to deal with managing that on a daily basis. I think 2 hours is plenty of time to decide whether she thinks he’ll be a good fit in her setting. Unfortunately, it’s not like school where they have no choice but to put up with poor behaviour. She has a private business and what you were paying her wasn’t enough for her to want to deal with that. It does sound like a shame for you though as the first week of school is so overwhelming and if he’s not like that normally, then it must be doubly frustrating.

Did he meet and spend some time with the childminder before this?

This is difficult to read between the lines, however his behaviour must have been worse than what you've said, has he caused damage to her property ? Did he injure other children? Ultimately childminders who look after school age children need to be mindful that it does not impact the younger children and that their needs are met. She absolutely has the right to terminate the contract due to behaviour. I've been childminding for years and have had to give notice within the first couple of days because the child was putting himself into to danger by dropping his stuff and running into the road because he didn't want to walk. The dad wasn't happy at all but I have to ensure the safety of all children in my care and my own safety.

It’s her home and her business so I think that’s fair. It’s up to her which children she takes or she doesn’t get paid for them right. Presumably she’s able to make a good living from children who aren’t hitting/throwing/pushing so why would she bother dealing with the hassle of teaching your child how to behave, plus the risk that she’ll lose other customers once the other parents start complaining.

Did you do settling in visits or was it a last minute rush to find someone?
What did he throw and was it typically playful throwing or deliberate I'm not liking it throw to hurt? I've had a child pick up heavy toys, cups etc and deliberately aim them at people when they couldn't get their own way, push baby to the floor etc.
Are you doing a full week or a couple of sessions a week....she might feel that 2 hours then not a couple of times a week is not going to let him settle or not long enough to work with him to make a difference.
Did she have negative feedback from school as well?
I probably wouldn't give notice straight away but if a new child had been uncontrollable, endangering others etc. It would be something to consider you cant have an injured baby becouse a school child has had a tantrum.

Did he have any settling in sessions with her and if so, how was his behaviour then? Children do get very tired when they start school and behaviour can dip but any experienced childminder would know this. Either he’s been absolutely horrendous or she’s changed her mind for some other reason and is using behaviour as an excuse.

Your child shouldn’t be hitting or pushing ever, let alone several times a year! Not when they are 4! What were the examples she gave?

You sound like you're in denial! The childminder took your child on and clearly wanted the income. The childminder has other children's care and safety to consider. A 4 year old shouldn't be hitting anyone full stop, he obviously has extremely challenging behaviour that needs addressing by a professional.

*A 4 year old shouldn't be hitting anyone full stop, he obviously has extremely challenging behaviour that needs addressing by a professional.'

This 4 year old could well have still only been 3 mere weeks ago for all we know and whilst not great behaviour some small children do hit when they cannot express themselves. It's also pretty common for behaviour to dip and for children to lash out through tiredness upon starting school so again whilst not acceptable behaviour I hardly think he is unusual or in need of professional help.