Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

I wouldn't expect a school age child to be regularly hitting or pushing other children, no. If that happened in only the 2 hours she happened to spend on the very first day with him, that sounds really concerning rather than a normal random sort of thing.

The childminder has to make the judgment about what she can and can't manage, in the round of her duties to all the children in her care.

Your sons behaviour sounds nothing unusual but she might still have decided that she is unable to manage a child that behaves in that way when she has others to care for. As is her right.

It does seem rash but as a parent of 3 kids one aged 4 and one a toddler I would be seriously alarmed if my son's childminder had a 4 year old who was pushing, hitting and who could potentially seriously injure my toddler. I am in no way judging your child as they may just have had an of day plus having just started school and a new childminder is a lot to handle. Your childminder had to make a safeguarding call and unfortunately your child's behaviour meant she felt unable to continue minding them. Reading this I wonder if you need to look more closely at your child's behaviour in general.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Nobody said the child was a monster.

Some posters on this thread have certainly implied he's some sort of monster one even said he needs professional help as his behaviour is that shocking.

He's a 4 year old who may or may not have behaved poorly in a new environment after a huge change in his life in starting school and a new childcare setting.

Some posters seem to be missing the fact he's going through some big changes and that the OP only has the word of the childminder in regards to his behaviour.

@Wantubackforgood

The problem is the childminder . Please see this as a positive thing ,that you found out early she is not capable of looking after your child .

It doesn’t have to be either the childminder or the child that’s the problem on their own, the problem is that they aren’t compatible.

She could be perfectly capable and choose not to for the sake of her own stress levels and the enjoyment of the other children in her care. We have no idea what her reasons are for terminating the contract, but whatever they are she’s entitled to them.

I think it's understandable that your little boy is acting out - new childminder, starting school. Is a lot for a little child to cope with. He is certainly not a little monster, poor lad.

However I still think the childminder right not to take on a school aged child who is pushing and hitting - she has obligations to the other children and needs to think what she can manage. She probably doesn't think your son a monster. She probably thinks it completely understandable that he is acting out and that is to be expected. However this still doesn't oblige her to take him on.

I posted too soon someone has literally just called a 4 year old they know very little about a monster.

It is hard to say without knowing what the DC did.

that the OP only has the word of the childminder in regards to his behaviour.
You keep repeating this point. You clearly suspect the childminder is lying?

She’s been honest, she can’t manage him, it wouldn’t work him being there.

Is a childminder the best after school care for a 4 year old? Doesn’t the school do after school late care or clubs? My 5 year old wouldn’t enjoy being with babies and toddlers they didn’t know in a new setting at the end of a school day. You’re asking quite a lot of your son to tolerate and enjoy it (which clearly he didn’t).

Childminders dont just decide to turn down work on some sort of whim. She obviously feels she can't keep him and her other charges safe given his behaviour. At 4 I may expect a child to be a bit unsettled or upset at their first session with a childminder but not to the extent of hitting throwing, pushing other children.

You keep repeating this point. You clearly suspect the childminder is lying?

No I don't suspect she is lying but most childcare professionals would give a child the benefit of the doubt as others on this thread have said they have done. One 2 hour session is not enough in my opinion to gage his true behaviour or conclude he is unmanageable.

There are 3 sides to every story and its very likely he wasn't a perfect angel but equally I doubt his behaviour was truly as terrible as the childminder is implying. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Well, if he genuinely went into hitting, pushing and throwing the minute he arrived on the premises, she'll probably have had no great expectations of it getting any better.

It sounds like mayhem, and if she has very young babies / toddlers, a two hour "chance" is probably all she can safely offer.

@PumpkinsGalore

ONLY hits other children 2-3 times a year?!?!?! Are you for real???? Stop making excuses for him! He should not be hitting ANY children at ALL! Yes it does happen but you address it FGS, you don't just say "Oh well it's only 2-3 times per year...." 🤦🏼‍♀️

Some high quality trolling here tbf.

Where?

Yeah that's not trolling - it's the truth ATieLikeRichardGere

Sounds to me like your 4yr old doesn't want to be with a childminder, wants to be at home instead. Kids that age don't know how to express anger or frustration, whilst some withdraw, others lash out.
Address the reason WHY your young child is hitting - what are they upset about?
Don't blame the child.
Don't blame the childminder.
Don't blame yourself.
Address the problem.
If they've never been away from you, it's quite easy to see why this is such a disruption to their world.
Talk it out calmly OP.
Don't leave a review - just move on.

Incredible that people are blaming the childminder!

Would you all be ok with a 4 year old hitting your babies/toddlers?

I’d guess she’s experienced this before and isn’t willing to go through it again if she’s willing to make a decision like that.

She isn't obliged to look after your child and has forfeited income by turning him down for a place.
For what it's worth I suspect you are probably minimising his behaviour. Probably better to spend some time reflecting on how to address the hitting/pushing/hurting before you have school on your back as well.

Please remember we don't know the circumstances of the events, we don't know how thr child was other than the reported major concerns....so there may have been screaming, uncooperative behaviour rudeness etc. It may have happened roadside so more dangerous,
It's not unusual for parents to be economical with details to childcare playing down concerns like possible special needs (a variety of understandable reasons) I've known a child on the spectrum being placed unknown to the childcare who kicked off due to stress and unfamiliarity.
We do know this child has just moved schools but we don't know if the childminder knew what the child was dealing with or even if she knew that the child had little English so was she able to communicate with him? We don't even know if she had met the child properly some parents don't bring their child to meet the childminder then present them with the I'm really stuck have no time guilt trip of saying yes.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Well, if he genuinely went into hitting, pushing and throwing the minute he arrived on the premises, she'll probably have had no great expectations of it getting any better. It sounds like mayhem, and if she has very young babies / toddlers, a two hour "chance" is probably all she can safely offer.

I agree with this.

If a school age child was throwing stuff at, hitting, or pushing my baby/toddler/child I would be asking the childminder questions about their duty to keep my child safe.

You say you think he acted out because he wasn't getting the attention he needs. Is it possible that you have become use to giving your DS an above average amount of input, to manage he behaviour, without realising that this is more then most children his age need? It's easy to just assume what you do is normal because it is for you, but it could be impossible for her to give the same level of attention, without neglecting the needs of the other children.

@Emmelina
Childminder numbers fell by 30% during 2020, registrations were not happening becouse Ofsted stopped visits except for complaints. So very likely unregistered uninsured and untrained.