Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

As a recently retired Childminder my advice would be to speak to the Childminder again and ask her to expand on why she terminated the contract on the first day ask for examples of your sons behaviour in relation to other children,
Before any child starts with a Childminder settling in sessions are usually offered ,i used to have 4 settling in sessions,most children on the first few days of school and a new Childmnder will be out of sorts,I have only made this decision to terminate when other Children welfare has been at risk,anas Childminders have to think of the safekeeping and welfare of all Children,I would ask your class teacher if your child has the same tendencies in School if not,then i would put it down to a bad experience and find a Childminder who has the right credentials,Always go with Outstanding or Good and read the OFSTED report and references are essential

This a hard one to judge from just a small post. My instinct is to wonder what these incidents of pushing and hitting exactly were. The circumstances are all. Regarding settling in if he’d been crying loads or seemed really tired that would seem more understandable than hitting and pushing.

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@Getyourarseofffthequattro as a one off or even an irregular event of course it wont. But in my experience the kids that regularly hit other children at 4 are still regularly hitting other children at 10, 12, 14+. And they hit the kids they know wont hit back. And years and years of being assaulted is extremely damaging to anyone, yes. [/quote]
That seems incredibly unlikely ime.

Again nobodies advised what proffesional help he should access? Anyone?

I have a 4 year old who knows how to respect and show manners to others and hasn't hit (not acting perfect parent just saying). I also have a baby who is at a childminder. It seems weird that she gave up that quickly. Mine did 3 settling in sessions over a few weeks so to me it seems like she has thrown the towel in early. All I can imagine is she didn't think it would be one off behaviour. I wouldn't want a 4 year old who throwing stuff around my baby who was there also. So ultimately it boils down to risk and she did t want to take that risk.

I guess the benefit of self employment is deciding who you will work with. Back to the drawing board op. I wouldn't bother with the bad review because you have nothing to gain but other childminders might see it and steer clear of you.

I'm guessing it won't have been just the child's behaviour, it'll be the parent's attitude as well.
A parent who is in denial and won't work with the childminder to address the problem is a lost cause. Childminder and parent are in immediate conflict right from the start. It can only get worse, so it's best to give notices straight away.

Children who behave this way require more attention and maybe to give him that amount of attention just wasn’t feasible.it’s the childminders choice whether she wants to continue or have another child

@PumpkinsGalore

ONLY hits other children 2-3 times a year?!?!?! Are you for real???? Stop making excuses for him! He should not be hitting ANY children at ALL! Yes it does happen but you address it FGS, you don't just say "Oh well it's only 2-3 times per year...." 🤦🏼‍♀️

THIS!!!

@Tanith
I'm guessing this has a big part in it, if parent says that's not my child what did you fo why d8dnt you keep him happy etc it dosent sound like a parent willing to work with the cm . So pointless trying.
If the child is an only or much younger sibling and gets what he wants at home he probably won't be hitting lots of things to consider but a baby landed on by a 4 year old tantrum is going to get hurt. A 4 year old hitting a pushing while walking home is a risk to the children around him. One who won't walk with you is a risk to everyone. If then dad says (I'm guessing dad by the ops title) that's not like my child and dosent want to step up your going to get nowhere. I've even see parents laugh and cuddle their child when told they have badly hurt a cm .....was there to observe.

ask her to expand on why she terminated the contract on the first day ask for examples of your sons behaviour in relation to other children,
The thing is, that conversation had already happened. The childminder gave her several examples and op is saying "that sounds nothing like him".
If that was her response to the childminder as well, you can see why she doesn't want to work with either of them.

I am wondering if those of you automatically saying the cm was wrong without knowing any details would be willing to risk the investigations and loss of job possibly home ( you cant work while under investigation) should a child be seriously injured or wors whilst in your care. The judgement she must be at fault that hangs over someone for years to come with neighbours and friends shunning you. It's not like a cm has any support no union no co worker to see it. You can't take risks with other people's children.

@jannier I agree I'd also like to know what reasons a parent would think it's acceptable to give notice. In 10yrs I've given immediate notice 3 times, once for a child would kept putting himself and others in danger, another because the parent became verbally abusive and threatening and the last one for non payment. It's so easy for people to sit back and make snap judgements when their not living the experience.

If my child was the one on the receiving end of the hitting/biting/pushing, I would be pulling them out of the childminders if the hitter/biter/pusher was allowed to carry it on for several weeks to see whether your son settled! Out of interest, how did you react when the childminder said your child had been a problem? Were you apologetic? Did you ask what you could do to help address the issues? Or did you say that your little angel would never do such a thing? The fact that you are minimising your son's behaviour towards other children and threatening to leave negative reviews for the childminder makes me think that perhaps it wasn't just your child the childminder didn't want back?

jannier
I agree. Childminders are regulated professionals who have a duty of care to the children. I highly doubt a contract has been terminated for a small push when playing with a similar aged child got a little carried away.

The fact the OP has listed hitting, throwing and pushing, has been given examples by CM but I don't think shared them here, and has gone straight to but it's not like him, I don't think the childminder wanted to do their job, and I want to leave a negative review sounds like a pattern we see in school where a minority of parents have rose tinted glasses on and will insist that their child's behaviour is the responsibility of anyone other than their child.

It really annoys me when others comment she just wanted rid becousesomething else paid more. I've known numerous childminders over my 29 years of working with them and never known one do this, for most its sleepless nights and putting up with appealing behaviour from child and parents never done on a whim.
People have 1 bad experience and judge all by the same if we were talking race there would be an outcry.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro it seems unlikely to you that being regularly assaulted would have a damaging effect on a person?

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@Getyourarseofffthequattro it seems unlikely to you that being regularly assaulted would have a damaging effect on a person? [/quote]
No, it seems unlikely to me that a child would repeatedly hit another child over a period of many years without intervention, in a non home setting.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro right...

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@Getyourarseofffthequattro right...[/quote]
So at school nobody would intervene? And it's likely that the child will be with the other child in every single class until mid teens?

It's unlikely at best.

So at school nobody would intervene?
Who knows? You can't deny bullying is actually a thing, surely?

It's like you have no experience of a school environment. Some children will get away with violence toward both children and staff for YEARS and the school can be powerless to do much (particularly where special needs are involved) until the child hospitalises another child or staff member or the parents of the victims get outside agencies (council, police, Ofsted etc) involved. I've seen it more than a few times.

@GreyhoundG1rl

So at school nobody would intervene? Who knows? You can't deny bullying is actually a thing, surely?

I'm not denying bullying happens at all.

@DemBonesDemBones

It's like you have no experience of a school environment. Some children will get away with violence toward both children and staff for YEARS and the school can be powerless to do much (particularly where special needs are involved) until the child hospitalises another child or staff member or the parents of the victims get outside agencies (council, police, Ofsted etc) involved. I've seen it more than a few times.

As a parent if my child was subject to physical abuse for years, would I not move my child out of that school?

I don't deny bullying happens, I know it does but trying to say this four year old will traumatize other children is ridiculous.

"one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2-3 times a year"

That's not one off. And the way it's thrown is as if it's a normal occurrence could suggests that maybe your views on negative physical behaviour mean you're not seeing your son's behaviour as it really is.

Did the childminder not meet the child previously? Were any settling in sessions done?

There's issies on both sides - your acceptance/brushing off of your child hitting other children and the childminder's inability to child mind.

Out the positive slant on this - you now know that maybe you need to evaluate your child's behaviour and change it, and you aren't relying on a childmindwr who may not be very good at minding children. Win win