Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

@ZenNudist

I'd bet she's had a better offer of a full day child and is using it as excuse so as to free up the space.

All day and after school children are in different ratio categories - after school children don't take up pre-school places.

@Sittinginthesand

Your child shouldn’t be hitting or pushing ever, let alone several times a year! Not when they are 4! What were the examples she gave?

But he was 2 or 3 for the past 2 years, not 4...

It's not great but a couple of incidents of a 2 year or 3 year old pushing another child isn't a major behavioural issue.

On the other hand, a 4 year old pushing, hitting AND throwing sounds pretty bad, even if it is out of character.

A 4 year old shouldn't be hitting anyone full stop, he obviously has extremely challenging behaviour that needs addressing by a professional.
This is hilarious, only on MN does a 4 year old get referred to a "professional", which one would you choose ?

At 4, kids are still really young, they make bad choices, they do things they shouldn't, it's not an instant need for a referral

The childminder had to keep the other kids safe, if she feels she is unable to do this with your son in the mix, then she has every right
to terminate, it would make me question wether she had another kid lined up for more hours in that slot maybe.

@ZenNudist
Very unlikely as 2 different ratios.

@Sittinginthesand

Your child shouldn’t be hitting or pushing ever, let alone several times a year! Not when they are 4! What were the examples she gave?

Come off it, he’s only recently ‘stopped’ being a toddler. Pushing and hitting is very common toddler and young child behaviour, not out of malice but often frustration, getting overly excited or not understanding their behaviour. Of course he ‘shouldn’t’ Hit and is most likely corrected in this instance but it is typical behaviour

A 4 year old shouldn't be hitting anyone full stop, he obviously has extremely challenging behaviour that needs addressing by a professional

Idiotic comment My DS went through a massive hitting phase at that age. Lots of kids do. He's now a very well adjusted, happy, mature and articulate (too bloody articulate) 9yo. Don't worry, OP.

Is she new to childminding? There was a huge increase in childminders around here after first lockdown 🙄 giving up after 2 hours is poor form.

@Emmelina Were they all registered Childminders ? I know there was lots of unregistered people starting up near me.

How has he been at school, op? Any problems with his behaviour there?

@mayblossominapril
After school clubs have a much higher child to adult ratio so more chance that child gets away with hitting pushing etc. Or conversely gets bullied.
No one to one loving adult no peace or place to rest if needed and mixed with 10 and 11 year olds bundling etc.

Idiotic comment grin My DS went through a massive hitting phase at that age. Lots of kids do. He's now a very well adjusted, happy, mature and articulate (too bloody articulate) 9yo. Don't worry, OP.
Was he at school at the time? 4 is actually quite late to go through a sudden "massive hitting phase" tbh. It's usually associated with far younger children.

School age children should not be pushing or hitting.

[quote jannier]@mayblossominapril
After school clubs have a much higher child to adult ratio so more chance that child gets away with hitting pushing etc. Or conversely gets bullied.
No one to one loving adult no peace or place to rest if needed and mixed with 10 and 11 year olds bundling etc.[/quote]
In your experience. The one I have experience of certainly does have places for the children to rest and at times has 2 adults to 3 or 4 children. Even when they're 'busy' it's much less so than a normal classroom so no opportunity for pushing etc. The children are so comfortable they forget to call the adults Mrs X sometimes and use the adults' first names, as they know them from the village. This won't be the case everywhere but that's the point - all schools are different.

[quote glitterelf]@Emmelina Were they all registered Childminders ? I know there was lots of unregistered people starting up near me.[/quote]
I’m not sure as thankfully don’t need to employ their services any more! But loads showed up on local pages on Facebook with spaces available!

If he's school age then he's old enough to know not to push and hit - she won't be able to give him 1:1 so he needs to be trustworthy which it sounds like he isn't. Hitting and pushing even occasionally isn't acceptable

It’s not usual for a 4yo to be hitting, throwing and pushing.
I should imagine she has other children in her care she needs to protect.

@MrsSkylerWhite

School age children should not be pushing or hitting.

He’s only 4 and it sounds like he’s just started school. A few times in the year is perfectly normal. Jeez. Come on. Yes we know it’s not ‘kind hands’ but he’s still so young. Don’t pathologise typical behaviour. It’s not helpful here

I think a lot of posters are misreading your post OP and assuming your 4 year old regularly behaves like this childminder has described.

When in actual fact you acknowledge as a 2 and 3 year old he occasionally showed these behaviours, which is totally normal and that the behaviour the childminder claims to have witnessed sounds nothing like the your child displays at home or and at school.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Idiotic comment grin My DS went through a massive hitting phase at that age. Lots of kids do. He's now a very well adjusted, happy, mature and articulate (too bloody articulate) 9yo. Don't worry, OP. Was he at school at the time? 4 is actually quite late to go through a sudden "massive hitting phase" tbh. It's usually associated with far younger children.

Yes, he'd just changed schools and was learning a new language, so was probably under some pressure.

To be it depends how extreme the hitting and violence was.

I speak as a parent of a young toddler attending a childminder full time. If I heard
/saw an injury on my child from a school aged child I would be pulling my child out. I am not going to leave my child somewhere where another child could harm them.

Yes 4 yes sometimes hit. It isn't right but it happens. But there is hitting and then hitting. Which was it?

I don't think you should leave a bad review unless you're completely sure he didn't behave as she described. Even if it's out of character, starting school is really hard and over-stimulating for children. My eldest was terribly behaved the September she started.

You are being “that parent”. A childcare professional won’t take your child. You need to start parenting

4 year olds (and older) do occasionally hit or push each other. It's not 'acceptable' and needs to be dealt with appropriately, but in a young child, is hardly pathological behaviour needing professional intervention.

However, hitting, pushing and throwing things all in the space of one two hour period, does sound a bit extreme. It's understandable that the childminder didn't' feel she could deal with it (especially if she has babies and toddlers too).

4 year olds (and older) do occasionally hit or push each other
Op is being a bit sparse with the detail. It could have involved younger children, not a peer.

@Kakser
Most people don't live in a village in a school of 90 per year group as all the 10 primary schools in my area are after school club is 4 adults to the 40 children all kept in the hall or playground. You cant assume all school are tiny affairs where the staff are villagers