Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

I think it’s highly likely you’re minimising your child’s behaviour and you’d do better to be concerned about ensuring he is settled, happy and has strong boundaries in all his environments rather than concerning yourself with trivialities like writing reviews. Get your own house in order.

The childminder sounds reasonable.

If I send my DC to a childminder then I expect my DC to be kept safe. If another child in the space of 2 hours has been pushing, hitting and throwing things to a point where the childminder doesn't want to continue offering a place then I'd be grateful the childminder was keeping my child safe.

4 year olds (and older) do occasionally hit or push each other

Op is being a bit sparse with the detail. It could have involved younger children, not a peer.

It could have also involved hitting the CM. Children can have fallouts and end up hitting each other but it’s very rare to hit out at an adult so maybe that’s the reason.

@ThePoint678

I think it’s highly likely you’re minimising your child’s behaviour and you’d do better to be concerned about ensuring he is settled, happy and has strong boundaries in all his environments rather than concerning yourself with trivialities like writing reviews. Get your own house in order.

Why do you assume the OP is minimising. If anything she's being very honest saying he did occasionally show this sort of behaviour when younger.

It's just as likely that the childminder changed her mind on caring for him and used his supposed behaviour as her reason for terminating. After all no one can disprove what she said.

Well, she also said she doesn't believe it because it sounded nothing like him. Which is hardly proof positive it didn't happen.

My daughter has permanent scars on both knees from a boy deliberately pushing her over from behind on her first week in Reception class at school. Said boy then continued to push, hit & shove her whilst he followed her around at break. A phone call with her teacher soon straightened it out. I'm not saying it's the same - but what I am saying is that it needs dealing with in an appropriate manner before anyone gets hurt. All children, whatever setting they are in, deserve to both feel and be safe.

2 or 3 times a year ? I doubt it.

ONLY hits other children 2-3 times a year?!?!?! Are you for real???? Stop making excuses for him! He should not be hitting ANY children at ALL! Yes it does happen but you address it FGS, you don't just say "Oh well it's only 2-3 times per year...." 🤦🏼‍♀️

How sure can you be that your child has only had those few instances of bad behaviour over a year? It could easily be that he is consistently badly behaved and hurts other children and that previous childminders have only notified you of the worst incidents.

If the session was 2 hours long and that included walking home and he had one episode of hitting one of pushing and one of throwing thats pretty extreme on his first day most children when surrounded by strangers would be quiet and finding their feet not bossing around and being violent. I've worked with children for 29 years and never seen that in normally developing 4 year olds. Such a shame more time wasn't available for settling.

I've done this once in 20 years of minding.

The child concerned had clearly never been disciplined in her life and I spent the whole day stopping her from targeting the baby I was also caring for. At one point, she tried to wrench the baby's ears off. Any attempt at stopping her from doing exactly as she pleased resulted in a screaming tantrum.

I couldn't guarantee the safety of the baby while she was in my care, so I gave immediate notice, not least because the parent refused to see anything wrong in the child's behaviour so wouldn't work with me to address the issues.
She also turned up almost two hours late, having hung up on me when I tried to ring and find out where the hell she was. These days, I'd be obliged to call social services.

Childminders can pick and choose who they mind. One let us down after a few weeks of minding DS. She said she was stopping childminding but she carried on picking up other children after school so that was a lie. Later her daughter told my DS that the real reason was that they didn’t like him. I had to resign from the job I’d only just started as there was nowhere else to take him.

If I read a review that a childminder had terminated care of a child with violent behaviour, I’d assume they must have a zero tolerance approach and be more inclined to go with them!

@FuckingFlumps
Have you much experience of childminders?

I'm afraid that you need to look at your son's behaviour and not at the childminder's.

Hitting, throwing and pushing aren't acceptable at all....not at 4. Maybe at 2 or 3....but by 4 most have stopped this behaviour. Especially in a new environment where they should be more careful.

CM is probably concerned she'll get complaints from other parents.

I would change childminder she hasn’t given him a proper chance,

[quote jannier]@FuckingFlumps
Have you much experience of childminders?[/quote]
Quite a bit why?

@Audreyhelp

I would change childminder she hasn’t given him a proper chance,

Yeah, I think that ship has sailed

Quite a bit why?
Have you really encountered some that change their mind about one of their charges and lie about him in order to break the contract?
In the first hour?

I once had to say no to a 5 year old, I’d agreed with mum I’d watch once a week-a favour. I have 5 kids, a successful teaching career and often have kids round. I didn’t think twice about it.

I’d never encountered anything like it. On exit he ran at me, launched past. I had to grab him before he went to the road. He was articulate, looked at me, could understand and repeat or paraphrase what I told him. Yet totally had no concept of behaving.

I let go of him after crossing the road, set ground rules he repeated. He ran straight into a muddy puddle as I let go, kicked his shoes into another child’s face and knelt in the mud. I had to actually hold him all the way home in the end due to running off kerbs. Walking just socks.

At the door he was kicking it as I tried to explain, I got the socks off on the step but he reached under my legs and wiped the mud on the carpet. He then pushed me in the ankle.

I let go in surprise, he climbed into and toppled a bookcase as he kept onto other furniture. He was like catching a monkey. He opened things, broke things, hit the two year old, scratched his sister and called the three year old ‘shit bum’ until she cried. Tried to contain him in the garden, he broke and climbed a fence. Beyond restraining he was wild. I pretty much ended guarding him from a doorway to prevent the other children, including his sister, being hurt.

I could go on but you get the picture. Mum swore he was never like this and brushed it off. Obviously never had him round again. No SEN, he’s grown up to 15 now with decent grades and calmed a lot- just hard work at any activity. I heard others had similar experiences and apparently his mums house was pretty trashed and she didn’t care.

The short version- I can imagine saying no to a child of this age, I have! And their mum swore they were fine

My kids are no angels but they would never have hit or kicked at that age, in someone else home. As a childminder I wouldn’t expect it either snd may have done the same.

I think you need to review your child's behaviour rather than the CM's.

I also think you should appreciate the CM for telling you quickly that your child is not a good fit for her setting.

I speak from experience when a CM accepted my 12 month old baby, after which I spent many weeks settling the baby, only for the CM to ring me IN WORK a few months later advising that her own older child didn't like my baby and could I come and pick up my baby and find alternative childcare!

The problem is the childminder .
Please see this as a positive thing ,that you found out early she is not capable of looking after your child .

@GreyhoundG1rl

Quite a bit why? Have you really encountered some that change their mind about one of their charges and lie about him in order to break the contract? In the first hour?

I've encountered some who decide that minding school aged children isn't for them so give notice but they have all been honest in relaying to parents.

I wasn't trying to insinuate that this childminder had lied I was merely pointing out to all the posters decreeing the OPs child some sort of monster that it is only the childminder who actually knows what his behaviour was like. We have absolutely no way of knowing what did or did not happen and the OP likely never will.

Nobody said the child was a monster.