Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

Please leave a review. A childminder who is proactive in keeping others safe and not afraid to pick and choose who she has in her home are worth their weight in gold.

Childminders are currently scarce and they can and will decide who they are prepared to look after.

There’s more to this than you’re saying.

Wouldn't be expecting a 4 neurotypical 4 year old to be be pushing, hitting or throwing objects. Old enough to understand that those behaviours are wrong.
Wouldn't want it in my house either, putting my other children at risk.

So the childminder judged a child within the space of 2 hours, a new child who was adjusting to being left with someone who is basically a “stranger”

I work in early years and it can take anything from a week to a few months for a child to settle in a our setting depending on how often they attend. I certainly wouldn’t judge a child within 2hours. Very unprofessional.

I'm pretty sure that you would know within 2 hours if a child is more than you can handle plus keep babies/toddlers safe.

Instead of rushing to leave a 'dissatisfied' review, I'd be a lot more concerned with finding out what had happened from my child's perspective tbh.

Something has clearly gone very wrong and if the behaviour described by the childminder is as out of character as you say it is then you absolutely need to know from your child why it happened. A four year old does not hit/push/throw for no reason and it sounds like it must have been pretty bad for the childminder to terminate on the first day. Talk to your child!

Imagine if you sent your child to a childminder and your child was hit and pushed and had things thrown at them, and the childminder didn't spend any time getting your child settled or doing any activities to entertain your child because all the childminder's attention had to be given to settling and entertaining another child to stop them being violent. Would you then think that the childminder should perhaps be doing more for your child?

Sorry OP but I’d be very happy with that, especially if I was one of the other parents putting my child in into that environment.

You need to work out what the problem is with your child - it’s completely reasonable for the CM to not want to have to deal with that. Most kids don’t hit, throw or push & she would potentially have parents removing their children if they were on the receiving end of it - I would. Perhaps work out the reason why he behaves like that & then if there is something that’s an issue do what you can to help him. It’s not ok & she’s well within her rights to refuse having him in her care.

(tbh if I read a ‘dissatisfied’ review from a parent whose child had been removed from a CM for those reasons I’d be signing my child up in an instant as it sounds like a safe place - possibly not the outcome you’re looking for!?)

@Phphion

Imagine if you sent your child to a childminder and your child was hit and pushed and had things thrown at them, and the childminder didn't spend any time getting your child settled or doing any activities to entertain your child because all the childminder's attention had to be given to settling and entertaining another child to stop them being violent. Would you then think that the childminder should perhaps be doing more for your child?

Nail on the head.

A childminder has a duty of care to all of the children in his/her care.

Your child has form for hitting and pushing, he does so at the new childminders and somehow that is her fault?

@chipsandgin exactly this

@2pinkginsplease

So the childminder judged a child within the space of 2 hours, a new child who was adjusting to being left with someone who is basically a “stranger”

I work in early years and it can take anything from a week to a few months for a child to settle in a our setting depending on how often they attend. I certainly wouldn’t judge a child within 2hours. Very unprofessional.

Issues settling in due to being sad, crying, shyness, etc are one thing. A four year old pushing and hitting to the point they have to be excluded is quite another.

I doubt you'd be minimising this behaviour if your child was on the receiving end of it. Childminder made a decision, which is her right. She has other children in her care to consider.

@2pinkginsplease
I'm guessing when you say you work in an early years setting you dont mean you work alone with up to 6 children under 8 but have other staff members to guard and protect other children while you work 1 to 1 with this child. Im guessing your not also trying to cook for and feed them all at the same time. Are you also aware that the care of children out of the early years bracket ( the 4 year old attending full time school no longer counts as eyfs for these purposes according to the eyfs) must not be to the detriment of the early years children therfore by neglecting the preschoolers to dedicate your time to a school age child you would be in breach of requirements?

Feels like a bait posts with no op response, my money is it will end up in the mirror….

Let it go and find alternative childcare. I was in your position once. Almost exact situation though my child was 3 and went for several days to CM. I remember her saying her own child had hit when they were young but she couldn't risk someone else's baby getting hurt. I was really angry then and hurt, but mainly because I had to sort out alternative childcare and was worried about my child's behaviour. Turned out my child had ADHD and hitting was something they did occasionally for several years when frustrated....but that's another story.

[quote jannier]@2pinkginsplease
I'm guessing when you say you work in an early years setting you dont mean you work alone with up to 6 children under 8 but have other staff members to guard and protect other children while you work 1 to 1 with this child. Im guessing your not also trying to cook for and feed them all at the same time. Are you also aware that the care of children out of the early years bracket ( the 4 year old attending full time school no longer counts as eyfs for these purposes according to the eyfs) must not be to the detriment of the early years children therfore by neglecting the preschoolers to dedicate your time to a school age child you would be in breach of requirements?[/quote]
I wasn’t comparing my job to a childminder I was just talking from experience and saying that children take time to settle and some do lash out if they are feeling anxious and stressed. It’s fight or flight with some children.

2 hours does not give you the full picture,

We have been working in bubbles and have actually had 8 children in my care daily for the last year with no one else supervising as we all worked with our own bubbles/key groups..it’s only recently that we have started working as one big group.

No one was comparing I was just trying to give my perspective from working with 3 and 4year olds who in Scotland are still classed as early years and not school,

Well, you we're comparing. You said it wouldn't work like this in your setting and therefore the childminder was unprofessional.

In all I think it is better for a childminder to say straight away if she can’t manage a child.

Much better than a childminder who would just shove the kid outside with a football and ignore instead and not tell you they couldn’t really cope.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Well, you we're comparing. You said it wouldn't work like this in your setting and therefore the childminder was unprofessional.

I wasn’t comparing!

@2pinkginsplease
But in your bubble of 8 all children would be similar physical size and strength you wouldn't have a 4 year old hurtling heavy items at a 12 month old or potentially pushing another when walking down the road (we don't know when pushing happened but it could have been) and you do have other staff to call on so if a child is acting out in the max 120 minutes (minus time at school in what 8s often a 10 minute hand over in New school year plus the 15 minute or more trip home). We are also assuming that the child only had 1 of each of the 3 behaviours not more and that the rest of the time they were not screaming or being uncooperative.
We also no the op says the child has changed schools we do not know why, we do not know if there are other factors such as the boy being at home for 18 months with no one to distract adults attention or to share with. We do know that when he was with children prior to lockdown he had hit......lots of unknowns that are possible ACES and may well need more support than can be given to a child in 120 minutes minus travelling and eating, let alone caring for others.
In England 4 year olds in full time school and no longer in the eyfs for ratios and must not be a detriment to younger children.

It’s a bit different for a childminder than a nursery - she is just on her own and has to multi task looking after other kids and making food and things. It would be difficult for her to give a child with challenging behaviours full attention to stop him hitting and hurting other children. Also, unlike a nursery she has to juggle the needs of little babies with school age children. A four year old can really hurt a baby in a way that would be different with same age peers.

Also, not in a mean way, but her priority will be the smaller children and babies. They are her main income and she won’t want to risk their parents removing them as they are being hit by a much bigger child.

Another thing - you say he only hits 2/3 times per year but possibly he is less likely to hit and push with you engaging him in activities and watching him. At school/childcare children to tend to be expected to play together with less supervision.

[quote jannier]@2pinkginsplease
But in your bubble of 8 all children would be similar physical size and strength you wouldn't have a 4 year old hurtling heavy items at a 12 month old or potentially pushing another when walking down the road (we don't know when pushing happened but it could have been) and you do have other staff to call on so if a child is acting out in the max 120 minutes (minus time at school in what 8s often a 10 minute hand over in New school year plus the 15 minute or more trip home). We are also assuming that the child only had 1 of each of the 3 behaviours not more and that the rest of the time they were not screaming or being uncooperative.
We also no the op says the child has changed schools we do not know why, we do not know if there are other factors such as the boy being at home for 18 months with no one to distract adults attention or to share with. We do know that when he was with children prior to lockdown he had hit......lots of unknowns that are possible ACES and may well need more support than can be given to a child in 120 minutes minus travelling and eating, let alone caring for others.
In England 4 year olds in full time school and no longer in the eyfs for ratios and must not be a detriment to younger children.[/quote]
Last reply from me, One, I wasn’t comparing and two, no child should be judged within 2 hours! It’s wrong!

srh96 Fri 10-Sep-21 23:04:57
Wouldn't be expecting a 4 neurotypical 4 year old to be be pushing,

Plenty of people out there who actually aren't NT but were thought by everyone to be when they were still only 4 though.