Mid wife shrieking in horror at extent of open epistiotomy wound. All stitches undone, severe infection, any natural remedies anyone?

[Dhosonia]

1st time poster - Before starting i just want to say that i have tried to read every related post on the topic on mumsnet and elsehwere as i dont want to waste ppls time and effort but cant seem to find the answers that will help my wife anywhere. She is not posting herself as i am trying to burden the pain for her and think that the less she knows the better frame of mind she will be in and therefore cant get caught up in a cycle of negative pessamstic thinking. This was our first son - pessary/pitocin drip/epidural/epistiotomy/forceps. Was a wonderful pregancny but traumatic birth (28 hr labour) I feel very guilty and im blaiming myself for the mess wifes in now, as i was so wound up about the forceps scar after telling the registrar that we didnt want it (baby was in correct position, all stats ok for mother and baby) that i started having a go at her whilst the registrar was still stitching after birth saying that we didnt want forceps - look at his scar etc as she only let her push for 40 mins and cited maternal exhaustion as reason for forceps etc. so ive concluded she did a terrible job in stitching after i upset the registrar with my outburst. The room was also like a circus, 4 mw's 1 reg,1 nurse, 1 ped.

All her stitches have come undone and there is a horrible gaping open wound with pus and all sorts of gunk seeping out intertwined with whats left of her stiches. Birth on 27June back in hptal on 1st july. IV antibiotics - they cant restitch - offered possible repairin 4 - 6 mths. Whilst in hpital any mw's that checked reacted with horror when checking her wound. Back home today 6 july. Mw reacted with horror again at seeing it, cut is right from top of vagina to the rectum.

Its very severe and my wife is in huge amounts of pain. When showering to keep it clean should the water go inside the wound? or just softly outside. How long should she sit on the bidet - 1 min - 5 mins? Can i put manuka honey on it now or will it hurt to much/sting/cause bad reaction/make it worse. Does it go inside or just outside. The odour is going but its still full of white and black thimgs inside and is pinkish. Can i spray collodial silver on it? How long is healing time.

Thanks you for any replies we are totaly lost on this and seeing how much pain she is in is breaking my heart. Also have switched to combination feedimg as we dont want antibiotics getting through to son - is this a good idea?

Wishing the OP and his wife healing and health but please - could this thread be moved to the Childbirth forum, not stay here in the pregnancy one, and the discussion continue there?

I know bad stuff happens during childbirth but this is a very, very extreme case - and quite honestly, it is frightening, upsetting, and quite traumatising to read - I am a first time mum to be, who for various reasons I won't go into here is already quite anxious about giving birth and having a lot of medical intervention - and I have found myself shaking and in tears over this thread. There is another thread here where other women who have yet to give birth have expressed anxiety and shock over the contents of the thread so it is not just me.

I know I didn't have to read it but... The thread title alone is triggering and unavoidable as it right there is on the Pregnancy forum first page.

How do I request the thread is moved to somewhere that is more suitable?

Miffster - If you click on the "Report" button next to your name, you can send your post and a short message to MNHQ requesting the move.

Did so - wow - that was fast. Thanks Mumsnet.

Hope the OP can find the thread ok but I guess he can always post asking where is it.

Blimey that was quick!

OliviaLightningMcQueenMumsnet that's what they call me(kerchow!!)

It'll stay on his threads i'm on btw so no need to worry either.

That's a brilliant move, good point Miffster - sorry this has shaken you so. It is, as you say, very rare that something like this happens, we promise!

Dhosonia, I'm a lawyer with Med Neg experience as well. And a woman who believed in understanding as much as possible about childbirth and intervention, and who had an amazing birth assisted by respectful and knowledgeable midwives and a GP.

I hope your wife feels comfortable seeking advice on her own behalf, and seeing her wound if she wants to do so; she probably feels scared and like she's lost herself a bit right now, and perhaps she needs to feel in charge a bit. I disgare that it's not good for her to see - she sounds like she's feeling helpless at the moment.

i have not read any of the replies yet and will read them with some interest, well lots of interest as i am in the same situation. i just wanted to write first a few thoughts in answer to your specific questions:

-she probably needs antibiotics for the infection, there are some safe to take whilst BF if she is
-she should wash herself after EVERY time going to the toilet. don't need to soak the wound each time but do wash it. eeasist way is with a jug of water on the toilet
-she could splash the water on the wound to get as much of the mucus off if she can't touch it
-the best thing that worked for- and like i say i was in exactly the same situation and 8 weeks on there is still some unhealed opening- but the best thing was to keep the area open as much as possible. she should lie on the bed and open her legs as much as she can. if she's bleeding a long, lay a towel under her to catch this. i did this for 2 weeks- complete bed rest and exposure and it made a HUGE difference. like a any cut, it needs air to heal

• tea tree oil baths once or twice a day to keep the area clean as well and to soak the perineum will aid healing

i hope the above can help. i'm still recovering the above is just how to get over the first stage of healing. i'm 8 weeks on and seeing a gynae dr in a couple of weeks.

she also needs lots of support with daily living, more than a normal delivery would have required- we are trying to get people to cook food for us and leave it with us as much as possible so i can eat well but not worry about cooking.

i thought i was the only one. i hope when i read the replies there are some from people who have fully recovered as right now i too don't know when things will be fully back to normal.

I haven't read all the threads but it sounds like your wife could do with a referral to a tissue viability team, they are experts in wound healing and treatment. Midwives really don't have the experience in such severe cases, they will also treat the infection and be able to relieve some of the discomfort.

"its not a good idea for her to see it"

Oh dear, buddy - you cannot control your wife like this.

You've witnessed an awful experience, but calm down. Now is the time for you to be her servant, not the master.

this chap is giving me a creepy feeling........

It reminds me of my CW saying she always red flagged women whos husbands insisted coming to every ante-natal appt.

wow this is such a long thread i've got half way through and am saving the rest for later.

i have to say i feel soooooo much better for what i've read though. as i say, i'm currently going through the same thing, JUST as bad, only with better healthcare in my area by the sounds of it. its such a relief though to hear that others have come through similar experiences.

re looking at the stitches, i personally wouldn't recommend it. i got freaked out when i first looked at mine. she should at least wait til the infection clears. and then she should look at it with someone, either you or a clinical person, with whom she can talk through what she is seeing. when i did this the second time i looked it was much better and i'm coming to terms with it.

Yes, I definitely agree re having a look with a midwife/ nurse to hold your hand. First time I looked it was such a mess that I couldn't even work out what was supposed to be what. I couldn't even compute the extent of the wound really, it was horrific. But, you do get over it eventually (although I spent weeks feeling rather violated if that's not too strong a word), and having a look yourself is an important step to take (although not a nice one).

Go to a proper gynecologist! You can't expect to get proper advice on medicine from strangers on the internet.

Continue with antibiotics. If there is puss inside and especially smell, her wound is infected. That infection must clear. Don't worry about antibiotics passing to baby. I'm guessing that you were given Amoxillin or similar, which is safe for baby.

To wash, buy washing gloves from pharmacy. It makes washing much easier. Also, wash with not only soap but iodine solution (foaming disinfectant, like surgeons use to scrub before operations). Dry not with towel but with hair dryer.

Tell her to forget about sanitary towels and underwear. My recommendation would be to wrap a towel around her waist and let everything air. As towel gets bloody, change towel.

Find some painkillers that are also anti-inflammatories. I was given keto-profenid suppositories. If it passed in breastmilk, we didn't notice any effects on DD. And it was the only thing that took the edge off the pain.

I hope your wife feels better soon. Try not to blame yourself. These things happen, even when husbands are not there to harass the midwives.

I don't have any advice for the wound healing but please don't worry about antibiotics and pain meds passing through breastmilk.

My ds was born prem by cs, had pneumonia, and was given pretty much every antibiotic going, including vancomycin, endless list of drugs, morphine etc before his due date. I was also on strong painkillers, morphine and blood pressure meds - he had my breastmilk from the start. He is now 3 and completely healthy, hardly ever ill.

I know it seems scary to "poison" your fresh new baby with drugs, but I'm sure that what you are being given will be compatible with bfing, and it sounds like your poor wife could do with all the drugs she can get! Pumping must be an added hassle that she really could do without at the moment.

To anyone who's a first-time mum-to-be looking at this and worrying and all those who're currently in a post-birth worry zone - please take my word for it - it all gets better and you will be yourself again.

Some people have births and a day later you'd hardly know they'd been pregnant or had a baby - jammy, but great for them.

Sometimes it takes a bit longer (see my earlier post if you like). But you do get better.

I had an absolutely LOVELY labour, not scary at all, very relaxed, at home with my husband and two lovely midwives. My (very big) baby happened to have her hand on her head when she was born, which caused some tearing. But IT HAS GOT BETTER!!

For several weeks, I was very upset and thought I would never be the same again - in a very personal place, which is not easy to be objective about.

But those fears were unfounded and I am better. You will be too if it (very unlikely) does just happen to you.

Have faith, our bodies are amazing things. Having your lovely baby there with you will also help you deal with anything and everything.

Arnica is excellent for healing and I think you should back off a bit from your wife and give her the space to post on MN herself.

Hair drying stitches may well not be very comfortable but it will not make an air bubble go up inside and kill you! Probably not even if you put the hair dryer right next to the entrance to the vagina. It is true though that air drying is probably what was originally recommended.

Oh good God. I have no advice other than to echo those who urge seeking more professional advice - but wanted to wish you the best of luck, and encourage you by saying you're clearly a very loving and supportive partner.

i don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, am new to mumsnet and it seems as though this is now considered 'old'...

but anyway i just wanted to say thank you to AmesBS7 your posts have given me hope that I will get better. at 10 weeks I have had my wound cauterised twice now. its good to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

also re the confusion re hair drying, i'm sure this won't end it, BUT a hair dryer yes a hair dryer not air drying was suggested to me by a very senior midwife. she said use it on a cool setting for a short while after every time going to the toilet in order to keep the area dry.

having said that, now i've read the post re the consultant who said about hairdryers being dirty, i'm now just using my travel hairdryer (hardly used) and have just bought a new desk fan for the same purpose.

I think you are all being a bit mean to Dhosonia, he is trying his best but TBH, he sounds like he is in shock.

I had a traumatic forceps delivery and my stiches got infected and developed into an abcess which resulted in me being readmitted to hospital and having the abcess dealt with under GA and having an IV of anti-biotics. I cannot begin to describe how painful it was and made childbirth seem like a walk in the park. I was sent home with codiene (amazing) and some 2 types of anti-biotics.

There is absolutely no way his wife would be able to physically go on to Mumsnet herself to seek support.

Oh and I had to get DH to look at my fanjo - after all he knows more than me what it actually is supposed to look like.

I peed in the shower for 4 weeks after the birth.

Dhosonia, your wife will be OK, but take her lead about her recovery. Don't mess with the wound as it will heel itself.

My fanjo is absolutely fine now if anyone was wondering.

TheCrackFox, how long did it take to heal? Glad youre well now. Agree with you about some of the posts to Dhosonia. Perhaps thats y we haven't heard from him 4 a while in this thread. Hope he and his missus are well.

muslimah28 it was 5yrs ago so the details are sketchy now. I would say by 6 months the pain was much better (I stopped taking pain killers) and buy a year I was fully recovered.

I am sorry you are having a tough time. But if you are at all worried keep pestering your GP.

If you are still checking this then I can tell you that I was in a very similar state, big cut right into bum, infection, IV's, readmission the lot - and at the time a horrible gaping wound - def the right move to keep it clean and leave it though - it healed from the inside out - taking about 6 weeks to fully close over. At first the scar was red and raised and tender but over time it flattend out and turned white - cant be felt on the inside, and no big deal on the outside. It does not bother me at all now, it will ache very slightly if I am on my feet all day but that relly is it. 2.5 years after I delivered a nine and a half pounder in an hour and it stayed completly intact, so hang in there its more likely that not to sort its self out.

TheCrackFox, ive pestered and am under the care of a gynaecologist now. have had granulation tissue cauterised twice now...

10poundstogo, thank you so much for sharing your story esp about having another baby so easily! right now i can't imagine having any other kids as i'm sure you can imagine!!