Support thread for those of us who are requesting an ELCS after a previous traumatic delivery

[withorwithoutyou]

Hello everyone.

I have noticed a lot of threads regarding requesting ELCS lately, probably because I am in the process of trying to request one myself!

I just wondered if it might be useful for us to have a support thread where we can talk this all through as I know it can be a challenging process to go through.

Can I please also ask in the nicest possible way that anybody contributing to this thread can respect our desire for ELCS over VB? Thank you!

Anyway, I'll start - I have one DD, born 20 months ago by forceps after failed ventouse. She weighed 9 pounds 11 and I am concerned this one will be heavier! I am 30 weeks and have my first consultants appt tomorrow where I will be requesting an ELCS!

So sorry to hear your sad news Mookie. I have no idea what it must feel like to lose a baby, but it always puts my birthing worries into perspective to hear things like that. Hopefully your parties will give you a bit of a lift and will take your mind of things. I know it's the last thing you feel like doing, but it's probably worse to sit home and brood about it.

Withorwithoutyou, completely sympathise about the NCT feelings of isolation. Two of the eight of us had traumatic births (the other ended in a c-section) and the other six sailed through. I'll never forget sitting in a meet-up shortly after the birth which our teacher also attended. Another girl had given birth in the same week as me, and our teacher literally ignored me while lavishing praise on the other mum for 'doing all the right things' and 'getting all those lovely birthing hormones going'. I wanted to punch her lights out!

Grr Ealey, our NCT teacher was the same. Out of all of us I was the only one who she asked how the long the labour was.

I quite clearly remember her telling us in our classes that it wasn't acceptable to have an epidural unless you'd been in labour for something like 36 hours.

As I was the only one of us to have an epidural I can only assume she wanted to know how long I was in labour so she could decide how nastily she could judge me!

My goodness, the NCT are wicked sometimes. I apologised (yes, apologised) to my husband in the event of having an epidural after three days of contractions and 19 hours of active labour as I'd bee so brainwashed into believing that they were evil!

I totally agree with regards to talking to others about their births - I now let it wash over me as I've come to realise that the birth is a very, very small part of the overall parenting experience. Immediately after DS's birth, I used to torture myself - I'd encourage others to tell me about their births, so that I could feel even more inadequate. So stupid.

On a positive note, I had my anomaly scan this afternoon and everything was fantastic with the baby. We found out we're having a girl, which has made me very happy!

Hello all - sorry I've not been about for a bit. Been up since 4am with itchy skin so headed in to hospital be checked out at 7am. Waited for 4 hours in the maternity assessment ward listening to women coming in in labour (different hospital but oh the memories!) to be given the all clear. I'm to stop the antibiotics I'd been given Thursday for sinusitus just in case and my liver tests came back all clear. So probably just a pregnancy hormone thing.

Nice to hear the heartbeat on the monitor for half hour though! Less than 6 weeks to my elcs. Registrar asked me why I was having one - I said I had rotational forceps with DD and was going on to explain my bladder is still dodgy but she had already said 'say no more!'. If anyone tries to talk me out of it they will get a hormonal rant at this point, and I am normally a calm friendly soul! So far they have all been supportive so just hoping the postnatal ward staff are also.

Hi to all the new people - will try and catch up properly soon but am shattered so going to eat ice cream and try and watch Dr.Who on iplayer ...

Aaah, congratulations on your scan news redllama - it's lovely to have some good news on here.

I totally relate to what you say about the NCT guilt - DD was admitted to hospital at 6 days old as she had lost over 20% of her birthweight and was literally starving. I remember being really upset as the hospital basically said we had no choice but to give her formula to put some weight on as I was so brainwashed about how terrible it was.

Lovethesea - sorry you've had to spend the day at hospital (especially on the labour ward) but glad everything is ok.

It's good to hear that the registrar was understanding. I got cc'd a letter today that my consultant sent to my GP basically saying that I can't face labour or delivery, which is apparently "obviously a shame" (for who I don't know!)

I've realised that getting a section will probably depend on them deciding that I'm not psychologically 'up to' having a natural delivery.

Part of me is a bit cross about that because I believe I have valid physical health reasons that they haven't even listened to yet. But part of me also realises that given how upset I've been since my consultant's appt I don't think I am psychologically up to it.

To be honest, there's very little that anyone can say now that can make me feel any more shit or useless about the whole thing so I'm really past caring what reason they right on my notes, as long as I get a section.

Sorry for rambling!

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Went to both parties which weren't too bad apart from comments about how Huuuuuugeee I am which are always welcome! Not! DS ended up throwing up at 9pm and we had to leave the second party - I think was combo of eating two lots of party food then running around like a wild animal at two parties gave us an excuse to go earlyish anyway!

WRT NCT classes - Ive never attended any...dont think I will be doing either based on your experieces - they sound like birth millitants if ever I heard of them! Ive come to the conclusion that listening to many groups of people WRT birth choices/experieces and the "right" thing to do is pointless. I'm sick of well meaning people trying to enlighten me so I'm sticking to threads like this and sticking to two fingers in my ears around any one else! I think thats also going to stand and be my policy after the birth too regarding baby rearing i.e. feeding - breast or bottle = whichever suits me, weaning BLW or other = whatever suits me, co-sleeping or Controlled crying = whatever suits me!! LOL you get the picture ...and big raspberries to what anyone else thinks. I'm being flippant and I know its much harder to actaully do than say but |I'm going to make a concerted effort to ignore what doesnt suit me. Ive been through so much to get here I dont want to let others opinions spoil it.

Lovethesea - sounds like younwont have too much of a fight on your hands after your registrars comments - thats good. Glad you got the itching problem sorted.

redllamayellowllama - congrats on your anomoly scan thats great news.

withorwithoutyou - what a ridiculousy worded and patronising letter. I'm really sorry you are feeling so shit about everything at the moment. I have my fingers crossed for you you just get your section and get to forget all about their ridiculous attitude soon. I can fully understand you feeling annoyed by the fact they dont seem to have acknowledged your physical health reasons.

I'm hypervigilant today about feeling the baby move because of whats happened to my friends and have had bugger all sleep becuase of it so I'm going to try and have a little snooze now.

Hi mookle, glad the parties were ok yesterday. Sympathies on the huuuuuuge comments, why do people do that?! It makes me feel so self-conscious. I've got a family wedding to go to when I'll be 36 weeks so really dreading everyone telling me how fat I am!!

I totally agree on your what ever suits you policy. I wasted at least the first 6 months of DD's life trying to do everything perfectly and it was only once she got to 12 months that I relaxed and realised that just doing your best is good enough.

Thanks for your sympathy too, I just want to get the next few weeks out of the way, get to 34 weeks, get my section date and forget about it. Having re-read the letter it actually says a c-s would obviously be a shame given I've already had one normal birth.

Well, if 'normal' birth means somebody cutting your bits open with a pair of scissors without bothering to give you any pain relief first then frankly, they can keep it!

HOpe you manage to get some rest.

LOL at "normal" exactly - what we have all been through does not constitue nromal to me and they stick normal if thats what it covers!

Ive got a wedding to go to at 34 weeks too so not doubt I'll have a few more "you are Mahooosive!" comments to come yet I'm just gonna agree and ask them to pass me another pie next time

Didnt get any rest unfortunately started faffing about getting the baby room ready and packing hospital bags (I know a bit premature!) just having a sit down with MN and a biscuit now. Hope you have all had good weekends so far.

Wow, packing bags is really organised, I should think about that soon I suppose.

I've just realised you're 30 weeks same as me mookle. What's your EDD? Mine is 6th July and I'm really hoping for a c-s date for very end of June.

Thought is come back and update you all.

Had my elcs on Thursday was a bit surreal going to theatre n having it all planned inhad a few wobbly moments when I questioned myself about was this the right choice! Mainly when they we're doing the drip n spinal etc!!! Hubby did a great job of talking and distracting me during the process.

The only person who asked "didn't fancy a vb birth?" was the surgeon in the chat before we went to theatre he hadn't read all my notes throughly I said simply after forceps and issues with stitches for 6montjs after no I didn't fancy a vb birth which he had nonissue with said fair enough and that was it! Everyone else was lovely on the ward apart form one sister on night shift my first night but everyone else was super.
I also had the fears of being judged by others both friends and the medical profession.
If anyone has any questions about the process or the elcs let me know happy to answer!
Sorry to hear about eveyone elses bad experiences :-?it's hard to to feel judged a bit like when i felt judged for not being able to bf dd1.
Ohhh and those worried about length of hospital stay they would have let me out 26hrs post op had dd2 been successfully feeding!!

withorwithoutyou - my EDD is 7/7/10 hopefully we will be ELCS buddies!

butterscotch - thanks for posting about your ELCS thats really great. A bit at your surgeon - did he think you just fancied it on a whim!?

I cant wait to get to 36 weeks and book my ELCS then I will know I'm almost there.

Thanks for the update butterscotch - so glad it went well. Surgeon probably thought that was a bit of humour ... they can be odd I think - sort of god complex meets geek skills.

Really glad you got home soon too - I was in 6 days after the forceps so hoping that the 3 days I've been told is average will be my luck too! Half the time on wards etc. Bliss.

My date of 10.6.10 is looming closer and closer now ..........

Congratulations on your new DD butterscotch! That's great news.

I'm so glad you sound like you're recovering well - I hope DD is feeding well now too.

mookle - ELCS buddies would be brilliant, I am hoping to get my date at 34 weeks, not so long to wait now I guess.

Hi ladies

great thread,you started it 5 hrs after my elcs!

Like Butterscotch I did have a bit of a wobble when the spinal wasnt really working but it soon passed.

My first child was a forceps delivery, healing time afterwards wasnt too bad but the experience was quite scary and I felt quite violated and had issues with the way I was cared for during labour.
2nd child was an immediate crash csection when I had just started going into labour his heartrate and a stabbing pain in my side made them react with utmost urgency to get baby out.

So, this time round with a 4yr old and 2 yr old I thought a VB was worth considering for healing time etc even though like most of you I had huge concerns about my mental ability to deal with a Vb. In the end after many tears I knew I couldnt face a VB, I couldnt deal with any emergency etc and the day I got my CS date I really think that is when I started enjoying the pregnancy.

The birth went well (I have to keep reminding myself not to say "the op" as although it is an op it is also the time I gave birth to my beautiful DD2). I am healing well and psychologically I am in great shape. I have happy memories looking back to the experience and when I see photos that DH took of me before and immediately afterwards I smile and remember happiness and excitement and not in tears like I was looking back at DD and DSs early photos.

Regarding breastfeeding, my milk came in 2 days afterwards and before that DD was latching on fine for colustrum, we had skin to skin whilst I was being stitched up but waited to feed her until I was in the recovery ward.

Good luck ladies, I hope you get the elcs's that you all want and deserve

Oh and talking of insensitive staff, the anaethetist joking said "dont be nervous you've done this before you know what its like" to which I replied last time I was knocked out as it was a crash section, he soon looked a bit sorry for himself and apologised.

brightredballoon - great post, many congrats on the birth of your newest DC. I think I will finally relax when I get a date for the op as I keep worrying the will change their mids and say I cant have one!

Congratulations brightredballoon - I welled up a bit thinking about you being able to look back at photos and see them as memories which are happy. I can't really look at photos taken immediately after my EMCS without feeling sad.

It's great to be able to read such a positive story - thank you for posting it. It only serves to strengthen my resolve to have an ELCS.

Congratulations to butterscotch too!

Can sympathise with the 'you're huuuge' comments mookle. My mother-in-law calls me fatty when I'm pregnant. My DH had a word with her about it and she now says, 'Hello fa.. Oh, I forgot, you don't like to be called that.' Bloody annoying.

I think I'm going to have to develop a thicker skin though - her niece gave birth yesterday and MIL wouldn't stop going on about how she was delivering vaginally and wasn't that wonderful and much better than a c-section. A little insensitive I thought, but I need to stop interpreting every comment on people's birth as some kind of reflection on my own!

redllamayellowllama - wow your MIL sounds a peach(!!) I find it weird as I am very skinny when not PG and I think people are just commenting on my bump size but Ive gone from everyone feeling they have the right to tell me how skinny I am and how I look anorexic and need to eat more to people taking great pleasure in telling me I'm huuuuge! I wish they'd all just knob off and keep their opinions to themselves really - much like I wish they'd do the same over birth choice comments!

Flipping heck really at your MIL - what a dipstick!

Ealey we are elcs buddies - mine is also booked for the 11th May!

A quick question for those who have already had elcs - did you have a bit of a wobble just beforehand? I remember the guilt of not being able to have my DD naturally and feeling like such a failure the last time, does this feeling bite again, even after an elcs?

I know in my heart of hearts that an elcs is the very best thing or me and my family but I am scared, having a wobble and a bit worried of what others might think!

Hello brightredballoons and big congratulations on your DD2!

I'm so glad it all went well for you, really glad to hear your milk came in quickly too.

Fantastic that you got some happy photos too. I was just thinking earlier today that I don't have any photos of DD when she was just born. We didn't take any til the next morning and I don't have any of me and her together until she was about 4 days old - something to rectify second time round I think.

Redllama - how insensitive of your MIL! Some people just think they can say whatever they like regardless of other people's feelings. I have an Auntie like that who loves to tell me how plump/fat/heavy my DD is. She's not fat at all, just very tall and it makes my blood boil.

With regards to people's comments on caesareans - I'm already trying to think up responses to the inevitable idiots who will just have to comment. I think the tack I'm going to go with is: "Too posh to push? On the NHS? Hahaha, do you honestly think the NHS agrees to perform surgery because people just don't fancy natural childbirth?"

30ish, I know I've not been there yet so can't really answer your question, except to say that no one is a failure for opting for an ELCS. Reading some of the stories on this thread and the things people have gone through and STILL gone on to get pregnant again despite their experiences, well I think that demonstrates so much courage and determination, failure doesn't come into it.

I have to admit I've only skimmed the last page (read the first two)as I'm tired but I'm verrrrrry interested in this thread.
DS is 6 months but I hope to TTC again at the end of this year. I ended up with an emcs last time after three days if labour, two failed epidurals which I waited 4 hours for, forceps and ventouse and and a very very unsympathetic bitch of a midwife who refused to listen when I told her my pain was unbearable. I begged for a section, she said it was impossible, then finally got the doc in when I refused to push (2 hours arguing with her), who then managed to relieve the pain then discovered it was back to back and then I was rushed in for a section.
Another worrying this is that I was swabbed on the assessment ward one day in, then contacted by one of their midwives 10 days later who asked had I had my baby, I said yes, and she said is he ok? I said yes, and then she said I'd tested positive for GBS. Bit late then eh??

I've never been precious about how I gave birth, always assumed I'd need all the drugs they'd throw at me, and so have no urge to try a VBAC (and to defend the NCT my classes were great with no judgement at all about pain relief, epis etc).

So I'm now wondering - is my experience traumatic enough to get me an elcs this time? I will not go through what I went through again ,I just won't, and if there is any chance (which of course there is) that I'll end up having another emcs after going through the hell that is labour in an understaffed hospital then I want to go straight for the elcs. Friends have said that I need to consider that I'll have a toddler to look after too so consider the recovery time but as someone has already said I'd take physical pain over mental trauma anyday, and there is NO WAY i'll be able to approach a VBAC with a relaxed and calm attitude.

Whoa there, sorry about the rant!

30ish, that's great we're elcs buddies! We'll have to come and support each other when we're having our wobbles, as I'm sure we will. I'm actually amazed that I've felt relatively little fear since setting the date, I feel overwhelmed with relief. My main worry is that I won't get as far as my CS date. How far before your due date is yours? I haven't actually had any horrible comments about it, everyone knows what a rotten time I had last time! Funnily enough, the worst reaction I've had has been from a baby-friend who went through a similar experience as me (3rd degree tear) but is terrified of c-sections. She's always really negative to me about my choice, but I let her off because I know she's just working through her own fears and choices. I have been avoiding her lately though!

That's a really nice comment withorwithoutyou, about everyone here being brave simply for getting pregnant again after what we've been through before. I know I couldn't even comtemplate it for over a year. Now and again I feel a bit crap for not facing another VB, but then I have to keep reminding myself that the important thing is to do what's right for the baby, my long term health, and for my family. I completely empathise about the photo thing, I still can hardly bear to look at baby photos of DS. When it comes to the CS this time, I'm determined to focus on welcoming this baby into the world as well as I can, rather than just wanting it to go away as I did last time. I'm going to try to keep that in mind whenever I get scared.

lovely74, I'm sure you won't have much trouble getting an elcs if you've already had an emergency cs, and your experience sounds hellish. Even the reluctant consultant I saw admitted that they were trying to 'save' their elcs rate for previous cs patients. You might have to be a bit pushier with some consultants than others, but you'll get agreement if you're assertive about it. You might even want to get it in writing before getting pregnant? I remember reading other posters on this site saying that they sought out and wrote to a recommended consultant before getting pregnant, and got an agreement to elcs in writing before falling pregnant again. It took me a while to accept the recovery aspect as well, what with having a toddler, but all my friends who had elcs recovered far more quickly than me last time around (even more so if you include mental recovery!).

Thanks for the positive elcs stories too - congratulations on your babies and for coming out the other side of all this. I can't wait to be in your shoes!

Ealey - my original due date was the 18th May. I'm being delivered at 39 weeks exactly! This time next week we might be holding our babies!

30ish and ealy - "This time next week we might be holding our babies!" HOW exciting! Hope you will both stay around on the thread and give us post ELCS advice! :-)

Hi there lovely74, I'm really sorry to hear of your experience.

I can't honestly see them turning you down for a c-section given that you've (unfortunately) already had a traumatic birth which involved a c-s. I think if you state your case to them clearly it would be very, very difficult for them to turn you down. You also may find that you don't need to talk them into it at all - I've heard of lots of people who've simply been asked whether they want an ELCS or a VBAC with no talking them into a VBAC whatsoever.

Ealey and 30ish - wow, this time next week. It would be great if you get a chance to let us know how it went (not that easy I know!)