Support thread for those of us who are requesting an ELCS after a previous traumatic delivery

[withorwithoutyou]

Hello everyone.

I have noticed a lot of threads regarding requesting ELCS lately, probably because I am in the process of trying to request one myself!

I just wondered if it might be useful for us to have a support thread where we can talk this all through as I know it can be a challenging process to go through.

Can I please also ask in the nicest possible way that anybody contributing to this thread can respect our desire for ELCS over VB? Thank you!

Anyway, I'll start - I have one DD, born 20 months ago by forceps after failed ventouse. She weighed 9 pounds 11 and I am concerned this one will be heavier! I am 30 weeks and have my first consultants appt tomorrow where I will be requesting an ELCS!

Hello MumtoBlaire and Crumblequeen.

I only saw my consultant at 32 weeks to talk about having a cs, after a particularly grim bout of incontinence, and suffering uncontrollable wind. I rang the MW office (in tears) and they arranged for an appointment the next day. I think if they hadn't I would have called the consultants secretary myself.

My consultant is very anti cs, so I knew I would have a bit of a battle, but it really helped to go in armed with the info that LovetheSea put in her post from the Royal College of Obstetrics. It also helped that I was clearly a shaking mess, and although I managed to hold it together, I think they realised that I just couldn't face any more damage (3rd degree tear with dd1, 2nd degree tear with dd2). I think what LovetheSea says about long term consequences is really important, and is often not at the forefront of the consultants mind.

MumtoBlaire, I had a nightmare stay on the postnatal ward with dd1, I ended up discharging myself and lodging a complaint. It was truly one of the low points of my life. A year later I had dd2 in the same hospital, and was lucky enough to have a wonderful MW who had been involved in the complaint and took me under her wing - she was wonderful and luckily I only had to stay in one night. This time I am giving birth at a different hospital, but am going to book a private room, I just don't want to risk another horrendous stay (I am also going to make sure that my buzzer works before dh leaves this time!) Is there an option for you to have a private room?

Hope everyone else is ok. LovetheSea are you hanging in there? Is your cs on Thurs?

Hi hazeyjane - so jealous you can book a private room! I am hoping they have a single room free for me and let me use it, but depends on the whim of who is around at the time.

Some comments made during my tour nearly had me making rather sarcastic observations on the almost boarding school approach this hospital seems to have - 'we like to have all the mums sit at the table and eat their lunch together' - and no access to the kitchen at all and lunch is presumably brought in when it suits the orderlies not when you might be free from breastfeeding or not napping. Oh, and partners are not allowed in for an hour and a half over lunch because 'mums need to rest' ... so restful looking after the newborn alone while also eating lunch Especially when parking is so awful the partners will be sitting in the car with a sandwich and book because it can take over 30 mins to find parking so it's not worth going anywhere.

I am taking a lot of snacks! Quite why after surgery I will suddenly be feeling up to light chitchat with complete strangers over hospital food at a picnic style table in the room is beyond me ... but hey! Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised

And yes - still hanging in here despite the bump weighing a ton and being scared with every ache and pain that labour is starting. All go for Thursday morning, due in 0700 and will be on the ward by lunchtime hopefully! Pre op is tomorrow and MIL due to fly in tonight. I've just done my second ever Tesco online order and am trying hard to do almost nothing to keep this Bean in place until the elcs.

Lovethesea, that is unbelievable about your hospital!!

Sending your husband away at lunchtime so you can mingle with the other mothers for a while, wtf?

That's the kind of thing that would make me sit in my bed eating biscuits alone with the curtains drawn.

I really hope you manage to get a room. I've been told if one is free and my blood pressure is ok I should be able to go into one from recovery. I really hope I can.

Only a few more days for you to go now, by the end of this week you'll be a mother of two!!

After reading all the points made on this thread I know I should defo be requesting a c-section. The health issues i have had since my DD birth are not normal post birth and I have made a note of all my concerns and will be taking them with me when I see a consultant.

I am seeing my midwife on wed for this chat and will discuss all my concerns with her.

Wish me luck.

Sorry can I just point out that maternity wards have much more lax visiting hours than the rest of the hospital which means at some hospitals the 90-120minutes during lunch when visitors aren't allowed can be the only time during the day that mums CAN relax without other peoples partners and children running around.
(the eating at a table together thing is just weird tho)

mumtoblaire - I'm glad things are clearer for you through this thread and I hope your mw and consultant are very supportive and helpful in planning the best birth possible for you and your wee one.

Libra - I was just spoilt as at my last hospital partners could come in from 9am-9pm with set hours for other visitors. It was so lovely to have DH there when I was so in pain and shock and I will really miss him this time. At this hospital DH is allowed in to see me from;

1030-1230 (has to leave over lunch)
1400-1730 (has to leave over dinner)
1830-2000

Other visitors can see me 1400-1530 and 1900-2000 only.

I appreciate that the staff need space and time from hordes of people but having my DH around actually saved me ringing the bell lots last time as he could help me out. I really hope he can find parking easily so I can lean on him for the 7 hours he is allowed in this time - but I will miss those other 5 hours I had extra last time round.

I will be that woman in the cubicle eating chocolate with her curtains closed, mp3 plugged in and pretending she is somewhere else!

(Mutters means to an end, means to an end)

Off to pre-op at lunchtime today so I'll let you know how that goes. I'm guessing it'll be the normal checks and some blood taken, forms signed, stocking measurements taken etc. Just glad to be almost there after another achey night.

(It's actually one of my strongest memories from last time, of watching the time slowly, slowly, slowly making it's way from 0400 up bf DD in a lot of pain desperate for it to get to 0900 when DH could come in. I had real problems sleeping because of the noise on the ward even when DD was asleep. One day he couldn't find any parking close and it was nearly 1000 before he arrived. I just remember sitting in bed sobbing quietly because I was so exhausted and desperate to have someone else to help me.

I was a big mess after DD's birth and I know it won't be the same this time as I am more prepared for it all, but it still rocked me to find out DH would be with me about half the time he was last time round. Just hard to be rational when you are so vulnerable! I also want time for him to get to know his new wee one in the first days of his life.)

Lovethesea totally understand why you (or an individual) would want their DP their but I'm just pointing out that your DP is another persons stranger IYSWIM and when I had my EMCS and was struggling to b/f having other peoples DP their the whole time was difficult for me even tho it might have been essential for them IYSWIM!

Anyway!

Good Luck for today you have given out so much good advice on this thread I hope it all goes well for you.

Best of luck for everything Lovethesea, I'm sure you'll find it a much more positive experience. It really is over before you know it! The hospital I had my elcs at also had much stricter visiting hours than the hospital where I had my first child (which I would have really worried about had I known beforehand), but it was actually absolutely fine. I felt much more able to cope, and the level of care and support was much better anyway. Hopefully it will be the same for you, so please don't worry too much that it will be awful and exhausting.

HHi everyone, not had time to read back through all the posts yet so hope everyone is OK. I saw a consultant again today to get my cs date booked but not the same consultant who agreed it originally. It was not a great experience. She basically tried to say there was no reason I would have any problems with birth this time so why on earth did I want a section. Began asking what problems did I have after birth that led me to being adamant now about section, I mumbled about pain but was too embarrased to tell her the full gory details of my bowel/sphincter problems infront of DH who has no idea of the full spectrum of embarrasing things wrong with me I know it might sound stupid to some people but thw whole saga from DS's birth, through to needing IVF and all the timed sex on demand trying to concieve before finding out we needed IVF has put enough strain on our sex life, I want to feel like an attractive woman not some bloody ruined farm animal who cant control her own wind etc (sorry i dont mean to offend anyone, IM not suggetsing anyone else should feel this way uts just how i feel) then she crossed out the bit on the consent form under reasons for ELCS where someone had written "safe delivery" and went on about how it was purely maternal request while I looked at her sceptically. WRT DS being a big first baby (at 9lb 70z)she agreed this was big but said you dont look that big this time, but then she measured me and at 35 weeks 5 days Im measuring just over 37 weeks - DH noticed her filling the graph in on my notes after this and the fact that this took me outside the nromal growth area on the graph and piped up "so does that mean its a big baby then cause its outside that grey line" Ha! to which she had to admit that yes it does ans on the actual notes it says further tests may be required if this is the case.

Ive also been back to hospital to be monitored again for baby having irregular heart beat although they have reassured me this is very common and does not usually indicate any serious ongoing problems.

So the upshot is I have a date of 1st July for CS and I confrimed that if I go into labour early they will still do CS unless baby is virtually hanging out of me by the time I get to hospital. I am a bit worried though because babies head is engaged

All in all, not the most reassuring visit but at least I have my date.

God sorry for atrocious spelling mistakes baby's head etc etc

mookle - well done for getting your date! I can totally understand not wanting to be all gory in front of your DH - our sex life was also stressful before the pregnancies so I too am looking forward to a time after I heal when we can just relax and have fun - no pressure on DH to make me pregnant, no pressure to perform on certain key dates, just a chance to work on it together in a relaxed way. My dodgy bladder clouds it for me a tad too, I am also worried about it affecting DH if he thinks of it.

Are you going to see the consultant again by yourself anytime soon? Perhaps you could even organise it if you felt it important to have on record properly - or even send a letter in detailing your reasons and why you felt unable to disclose them in front of your DH?

My pre-op assessment went fine. Measured for my stockings and a little surprised to find I am to wear them for 6 weeks - is that standard? I don't mind at all, anything to lower the DVT risk, but I hadn't heard about it from others so I'm wondering.

Bloods taken, BP low as ever at 95/58, temp fine, prodded and poked in the tummy by both the mw then the doc - bean has engaged 4/5ths which is not what I wanted to hear! Stay floating and free small one! Nearly there now. Signed the consent forms and got given my zantac anti-acid tablets to take the night and morning before. Only have to fast from midnight so that's a lot better, someone told me originally it was from 7pm and that included water so I was dreading being thirsty.

Got the spiel on the risks and checked I knew about possible injury to baby, me, bleeding etc. I am so focused on getting to Thursday morning that I don't have any space to be worried about anything else so I'm not concerned. I know it's major surgery but this whole thread is proof that childbirth is just dangerous to health full stop.

Libra - if I ruled the world we'd all get single rooms postnatally so we could have that lovely privacy and head space. Maybe with a lounge area for those who want to chat to other mums over lunch

ealey - thanks for the comfort. It is so different this time round and mentally I am so much more prepared I know I will be fine - or I know who to shout for if I am not! My maternity psychologist is going to pop in and visit the first afternoon and I've used urogynae at this hospital so I know which name to yell if my bladder packs up again.

Hey mookle, so glad you got your date but at the Dr you saw this time.

Withor - thanks, I know what a horrible woman

LOvethesea - so glad someone understands the reluctance to discuss such things in front of DH, lots of people would think I was being "soft" but its been a huge issue for me.

Well it all sounds exciting for you cs, didint knoe the stocking were for 6 weeks either!

Wishing you the very best of luck with it.

Pleased you got your date Mookle - understandably a stressful appointment but at least you've got the desired end result.

Lovethesea - I don't have a pre-op appointment - do you know if this is normal?! I had all my blood pressure etc done on Friday, I have got the consent forms in my notes now (not completed though), I have my antacid tablets to take so I guess it's just stocking measurements I haven't had done?? Is your C-sec booked for Thurs? Good luck!

Good luck with your appointment on Weds Mumtoblaire.

I just can't believe I've only got 2 more full days of child-free life! Can't get my head around it! Ordered a Theraline Caesarian belt online today so hope that's useful.

mookle - it's so not soft! It's part of self-worth, identity, confidence, all bound up in how we relate to our DH's. Obviously many people develop medical issues that mean they have to adjust to a new 'them', as do their partners, but it must be a good thing to want to minimise the negatives of that as much as possible. We are all going to change as we get older, as will our DH's, but some issues are more tied into concepts of hygiene and attractiveness than others.

So - I am not at all worried by the scar I will have from my elcs. I wouldn't care if it was vertical. I've never been a bikini person and a line showing I had surgery is no shame to me at all - in fact I am quite interested in it as a curiosity But I am worried about peeing myself during sex with my DH. I can cope with a leaky bladder but I am worried it will affect DH more because he tends to be more squeamish than me in general. I am scared if it happens badly once he will always have it in his head and it will make him find me undesirable I know he would do his best to get past it but the fear is still there.

Onebabyplease - all the best for your CS, how exciting that you'll have your baby soon!

Mookie - So cross on your behalf at your consultant today. I had a similar experience with being presented with different consultants at different points who all had different perspectives/opinions. It's so unhelpful and distressing. The important thing is that you have your date, so try to put the consultant out of your mind. I also completely sympathise with not wanting to discuss all the gory details in front of your partner. I had to do this at one appointment and was really uncomfortable about it.

Lovethesea - at you wearing the stockings for 6 weeks! I was told just to wear mine in the hospital (which was 48 hours), and that I wouldn't need them any more once I was mobile. I guess your hospital is being cautious - I suppose there are some people out there who might get home then not move for the next 6 weeks!

onebaby, ealey and lovethesea thanks so much for your posts it means so much to have someone who knows what I mean. I even feel embarrased about not being able to be honest and open with DH I feel so confused and conflicted about it all - Lovethesea - I feel similarly about my DH finding me unattractive he had problems reaching climax when we were TTC and nothing was happening (before we found out IVF was our only hope) we had been trying unsuccessfuly for about 2 years and he lost all desire for sex which really hit me hard, because no matter how much I rationalised it all, ultimately I felt he MUST at some level just not be that attracted to me. And now to start adding in the knowledge of all the physical issues I have would just further convince me he secretly finds the whole thing repulsive, so I really fully understand where you are coming from.

ealey - I thought it a little odd no one had commented on going out after a couple of weeks with these snazzy thigh high stockings on .... I am quite happy to reduce the DVT risk but hoping they give me a lot of pairs so I don't have to keep remembering to wash them!

mookle - do get some support if it doesn't settle for you post birth too. I will. I have found being able to talk to the psychologist has helped me a lot in separating out what was general stress/relationship stress and what was birth related. No reason to struggle on with your emotions alone if another neutral support can help. It's very freeing to be able to say absolutely anything.

I am desperately hoping we get a good sex life in the end. It's crazy. About to have our second child and could count on my hands the number of times we have had sex since DC1's conception. DH doesn't want to have sex when I am pregnant; then after the forceps birth I couldn't have sex for over 6 months. Then tried a few times. Then got pregnant with one off sex at right time with DC2. So DH again put off sex because I am pregnant. We are kind of doing this the 'wrong' way round! Hoping the impregnation being out of the way for good means DH can relax about it all. We have had a quiet laugh about how it must look from the outside to people ... ooooh, 2 kids and not even married 3 years yet. If they only knew! You are not alone

lovethesea - its so good to hear Im not alone! (not that I wish this on anyone !) I got given the details for the counsellors at my first appointment at th hospital and I really think I might give them a ring and try and settle my thoughts a bit before the birth.

I soo know what you mean about the "if only people knew" thing! I think people would be shocked if they knew our circumstances too it skind of funny but epically sad too!

You have to laugh or you'd cry! The flip side is I am very grateful we have been fertile enough to get pregnant twice with viable pregnancies despite all the issues and lack of practice. Bloody miracle!

Ah well. Two more sleeps and I'm there! I am feeling a lot of pressure below now and planning on spending tomorrow in bed as much as possible. Hoping it's not raining all day like it was today so MIL can take DD out for a walk. If I were fitter I would lay upside down for a while to try and float Bean back out again unengaged

Now, what have I forgotten to pack in my hospital bag

Mookle - definitely sympathise with the dh thing. The worst part of having pooed myself (there really is no other way of putting it), a couple of weeks ago, was not the fact that I was walking home at the time with dds, and had to pretend it hadn't happened, but the fact that I had to tell dh. He is so understanding, and we have been through so much together (it took us 7 years to conceive, and I had a molar pregnancy which led to chemotherapy for nearly a year in the middle of that time), but I don't want him to see me as someone he has to look after, we have been through too much of that. I didn't want him to come in to the appointment with the consultant, because I knew that, a) I wouldn't be able to really be open about my fears and b) I knew that he would get really upset if he thought I was in any way being bullied.

Lovethesea, I din't know that about the stockings either, I have had to wear a firm support stocking on one leg for the last 4 months, and was so looking forward to being able to take it off!

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow MumtoBlaire.

I have just received my theraline belt, Onebabyplease - dd2 put her My Little Pony in it and used it as an attractive over the shoulder bag.

Lovethesea - I only had to wear the DVT stockings for a couple of days after my c/s - once I was up and moving about I think I could stop wearing them - and I was probably high-risk for a DVT as I have high blood pressure.

I'm v lucky as I will have my own room after the c/s - everyone here (in NZ) has one to themselves, after a c/s anyway. The hosp I had dd in I got my own bathroom too! This time will have own room but shared bathroom I think. It was great after dd's birth, she slept loads and I just slept and rested with no noise from other babies and people!

You really do have to laugh dont you

hazeyjane - what an awful time you have been through, I really feel for you, I never would have imagined life had all this type of stuff in store for me would you?

BTW, Liking the idea of theraline belt as attractive shoulder bag LOL

Hmm, I have my theraline belt in the cupboard here ready for when I come home ... maybe I should think handbag for a longterm use!

I will double check about the stockings, I think I am low risk for DVT normally as I have low BP (vague thought not based on any actual knowledge!) but obviously I know surgery and inactivity raises everyones risks. Have visions of looking like a manga schoolgirl assassin with thigh high white stockings and a nightie ... I won't be able to leave the house until I have some trousers that fit me again

So relieved to have got through another night. Woke up at 5am and couldn't sleep again but I'm putting myself on almost bedrest today to try and prevent this wee man engaging any more. MIL is being great with DD and they are heading out for a walk soon so peace will descend briefly. I am so impressed by those of you juggling even more than one other child. HOW!?!

I would have found it helpful if the ante-natal classes had covered possible postnatal complications. Am I unusual in that? Would it have just freaked other people out to be told of possible incontinence/PTSD/nerve damage etc? Am I odd in managing these things much better if I know they can happen?

Obviously I knew childbirth was still pretty much the most dangerous thing I could do, but a general mention that bladders sometimes take a few months to heal, or further surgery is needed to help healing etc .. that would have made me feel less shocked. Then again maybe it's just me - my neighbour had her first recently and quite clearly said she wanted to know nothing of what might go wrong as denial was her coping strategy. Just curious.