Support thread for those of us who are requesting an ELCS after a previous traumatic delivery

[withorwithoutyou]

Hello everyone.

I have noticed a lot of threads regarding requesting ELCS lately, probably because I am in the process of trying to request one myself!

I just wondered if it might be useful for us to have a support thread where we can talk this all through as I know it can be a challenging process to go through.

Can I please also ask in the nicest possible way that anybody contributing to this thread can respect our desire for ELCS over VB? Thank you!

Anyway, I'll start - I have one DD, born 20 months ago by forceps after failed ventouse. She weighed 9 pounds 11 and I am concerned this one will be heavier! I am 30 weeks and have my first consultants appt tomorrow where I will be requesting an ELCS!

lovethesea - quite liking the idea of manga comic character, might pique DH's interest LOL

Its an interesting question about more info regarding postnatal complications - ive honeslty never given it much thought as most people in real life I know who have given birth have been absolutley fine - I seem to be a bit of an oddity. I think I would have discounted any negative info prior to birth...but thats not to say immediately afterwards it would have been helpful actually to look at that info and see I wasnt an oddity and a freak (as I felt I was) and maybe give me the chance to seek support, becuase actually, now I think about it, even the health care professionals I tried to talk to about my problems treated me like I was a) a freak b) being a bit soft c) as if they'd never heard of the type of stuff I was telling them - they mostly had a puzzled look when I spoke to them.

So yes if it became part of the info that is discussed with HCP's prior to birth perhaps it would educate THEM as much as mothers to be!

Maybe it just needs better follow up care then for those of us who don't get the textbook waterbirth? An immediate proper chat with someone outlining possible issues and SOLUTIONS available.

I really felt freakish too. It was the look on the postnatal midwives faces as my bladder completely failed. 'Oh we can't have that' one said as she organised a registrar down to recatherterise me in the middle of the night. I felt utterly alone, broken and that they were more concerned with not having to clean up after me than any compassion, explanation or even proper medical plan. My consultant said the next day they should've left it be for a bit longer but now the catheter was back in it had better stay there for a few days. I found it incredibly painful as it pushed on damaged nerves, episiotomy scars and many other forceps tears.

No one took the time to get someone in with some knowledge of urogynae to explain this can happen and it usually works out fine. I asked for incontinence pads when it did come out again and they said they had none. My DH had to go find me tena so I could at least not have to change my bedding every couple of hours. Then you come on threads like this and realise it does happen to women all the time. Ok not for most, but surely for enough of us that it could be standard to do an initial debrief on complications and reassurance that plans will be made and extra support given as needed?

lovethesea - thats so shocking and sad, I really feel for you, its so embarrasing all this stuff for the ;person involved...I'm sure the nurses etc dont turn a hair but it feels mortifying when its you and a little kindess and dignity when being dealt with would have meant the world to me and Im sure you too. Its the kind of dehumansising, stripping of your self respect and privacy that gets to you and no one explains these things can and do happen and you are not a freak, as like you say, it actually happens to lots of women. Childbirth and the aftermath of childbirth was actually incredibly shocking and I think little is dobne to educate women in the realities of it.

That sounds horrible, Lovethesea. I think there should be more information pre and post birth. I remember asking the MW doing our antenantal classes, 'what if things go wrong', and she just said, 'things don't go wrong, and you need a more positive attitude' - great!

TBH, since taking a bit more to friends about why I'm having a c-section this time round, I have been surprised that a lot of them have had issues with continence, painful/unable to have sex etc. I think people believe it is something that no-one else would want to hear about, and you wouldn't particularly want to talk about it either.

I can't believe the battering my body seems to be taking with being pg and having children, I think there seems to be an idea amongst some hcp, that we just have to accept the shocking state that our bodies can be left in.

I think in this countrry there is definitely an expectation of maintaining a stiff upper lip and not complaining or being treated for postnatal problems which is extremely damaging.

Certainly from what I've heard about delivery in France the attitude there is that the woman's pelvic floor should be treated and proteceted after birth - I think it's fairly standard there to see a physio after the birth to get your pelvic floor back into a healthy shape.

I've heard people dismiss that as a rather misogynicstic take on childbirth - trying to restore things for the man's pleasure. However, I think it's really important that the trauma a woman's body goes through is acknowledged and addressed.

Such a shame that over here people are just dismissed and expected to get on with it. I remember the only piece of postnatal advice I received was from a Maternity Care Assistant was to do my pelvic floor exercises and only to stop "when you don't mind peeing yourself in public"

Mookle and Lovethesea my baby was engaged at my 35 week appt too, scared me slightly but I think it can and does happen early with second babies without premature birth following.

Sorry, meant without early birth happening, not premature birth.

Very tired today - been up half the night with DD!

withor - hope your DD decides an early night is called for and thanks for the comfort on engagement.

I am getting muscle/nerve/period type pains when I'm upright so I am lazing around on my bed while MIL looks after DD. It is most likely the strain of Bean being lower and could go on for days or weeks ... but I am at paranoid status now I only have 15 hours before we get in the car en route to the hospital.

Hoping to be first in line tomorrow - as I am sure are the other 3 or 4 elcs booked in with me Only things I still don't know are, who is operating on me and will they lower the screen so I can see bean born? I'm told the anaethetist will be round to talk to me in the morning so I will ask him/her about it. So close now I am no longer so bothered by the details as I was which is a relaxing relief.

Really want a good night's sleep but it would be the first for some time so probably unlikely with every twinge making me panic. So close now, so close.

withor - thats reassuring to know someone else with a second baby engaged at 35 weeks, DS never engaged so its a new experience!

I think you are right about the stiff upper lip thing, and the attitude that its a mysoginistic approach, well if I had never experienced pelvic floor damage, my gut reaction might have been similar but having experienced it, I know full well its got little to do with "tightness" issues as far as sex goes and more to do with not wanting to fart,poo, pee with very little control (which, yes does affect your sex life as we all know, but has a bloody big impact on the rest of your life too!!) so I think that attitude has to come from people who have not experienced what we all have. Also, since when has being able to walk and sit comfortable for months had anything to do with sex LOL! Its crazy isnt it.

Its really interesting to discuss and explore these issues with people in similar situations

Lovethesea - thanks, she's got a high temp now so one more thing to worry about!

Anyway, just popped back quickly to wish you lots and lots of luck for tomorrow. I hope it all goes really well and you manage to relax a bit this evening (probably impossible I know!) Wishing you a very speedy recovery too and looking forward to hearing how it all went.

Lovethesea - GOOD LUCK for tomorrow!! Hope it all goes well & you make a really good recovery.

It'll be me on Friday - arrggh! SO excited, but anxious too! This motherhood thing is a whole new experience for me, after 3 miscarriages & four years of trying I can't possibly believe it's actually going to happen!

From reading all of your difficulties regarding VB they are all contributing fears towards my VB phobia & I know I have absolutely made the right decision with elcs. I don't believe that VB is a 'right of passage' for all women & I sometimes think vets wouldn't let a dog suffer like hospitals do with some pregnant women. I hope all of your next birth experiences are far more positive & memorable for the right reasons. Good luck everyone xx

lovethesea - lots of luck for tomorrow, hope you sleep well

thank you onebaby - so pleased you got your wish in the end and lots of luck for you on friday too!

Lovethesea - good luck for tomorrow, I hope you get to sleep soundly tonight - so that you can spend tomorrow night gazing at your new arrival.

Thanks all Am laying on the bed with my feet up and a yummy sandwich and fruit for dinner. Have taken my last iron tablet, my last pregnacare, antacid all lined up for tonight, drinking tons before my midnight deadline of no fluids/food .... feeling pretty relaxed to be honest. Am sure I have forgotten something crucial to pack but almost at the 'don't care' stage for that too.

It was weird thinking I won't see DD again until after the op (maybe tomorrow or friday depending on how I recover initially). Fortunately she is happily down to sleep now and enjoying her time with Granny. DH has run back to the office for a couple of hours to finish clearing his desk so he can switch off on paternity leave.

I am as content as a person facing surgical birth can be . My gut feeling still says this is the right choice after my last experience of birth. Really glad for those of you now with dates, plans and some peace.

Onebaby - GOOD LUCK for friday - I will look forward to reading your story next week sometime. I cannot imagine being this close after so much loss and I am excited for you and hope the early days and weeks are magical.

Sounds fabulous lovethesea! Will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Lovethesea - Good luck for tomorrow.

I had to cancel my antenatal appointment today as work was mental and couldn't leave. Have got appointment for 11.30am on friday so fingers crossed midwife is still supportive.

I am not telling anyone that I am pushing for ELCS. Have told everyone that I have 34wk scan to check placenta moved up and if it hasn't I have to have a c-section.

I haven't spoken to anyone about my health problems since birth of my DD only mentioned that birth was awful and needed forceps with no pain relief and was not in a hurry to repeat it, hence the 6yr gap between DD and this pregnancy. Starting to worry about post birth a lot more now than the actual birth. Probably because most of birth I was hysterical and afterwards is when it all hit me. DH is very worried about a repeat performance and has actual said "Do I need to be there?" If I don't get go-ahead for elcs then maybe i won't ask him to be there because i cannot imagine what it would be like to watch someone go through that twice.

Lovethesea - have followed your story on here and other threads and would just like to wish you a calm and joyfull birth tomorrow. Good Luck and will be thinking of you x

Mumtoblaire, I hope your appt goes well on Friday, glad they've got you one so quuckly.

I had forceps without pain relief too and it was hideous, I hope you get the outcome you want.

Just popped on quickly to wish you the very best of luck for tomorrow onebabyplease

I hope it all goes really well and your recovery is speedy. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Here's to a wonderful, wonderful delivery Lovethesea. Am sure you'll be feeling a bit ropey for quite a few days, even if it does all go to plan (fingers crossed), but it will be worth it. I hope today's events help you to lay the old ghosts of your last labour to rest, and you can start your new life as a happy wee family here. Enjoy meeting your little one!

Hope it all went well for Lovethesea - been thinking of her all day.

Thanks for all the good wishes Mookle, Withor & co - feeling so nervous but excited!

Won't have internet access till I get home so will update you asap. Just can't believe it really! It's been such a long time coming. Take care all & thanks for all the support xx

aw onebaby i want to give you a very un-MN hug LOL! Will be thinking of you x

Good luck for tomorrow, Onebabyplease.

I can't wait to hear how it has all gone for you and Lovethesea.

Had a frustrating day here, as I saw my MW, and she said the consultant has buggered up my notes, not signed me off for a c-section and has forgotten to book me in for an anaesthetist consultation. I am fuming, and worried, she has made an appointment for me to speak to the consultant in 2 weeks time, but I just want it sorted now really.

Hope everyone else is ok.

hazeyjane - thats just disgusting I am so angry on your behalf. I cant say i am shocked though, I have heard many similar stories recently from friends who are within the NHS system and have had appointments be mislaid and not made and miscommunication between consultants and surgeons (can think of two friends this has happened to in the last 6 months - one with a tumour on his spine and the other with cervical cancer) Not that it makes you feel any better but it does seem common.

So horrible for you to have all this in the last few weeks (your c sec date is 5th july isn't it? Mine is 1st july) Really hope you get it sorted but I would be questioning why you cant just have the papers signed off now - you shuoldnt need to see consultant again - or am I missing something? And Why cant they just book an anaesthetist appointment for you??

Arrrghhh! I'm going in! Sh*tting myself! Gotta be there at 8am - wish me luck girls! Be back asap xx