A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

I had ds2 in 1995 as i said earlier my mil was retminally ill and was dying (she died 2 days after his birth) wed booked ds1 in at the private nursery I worked at for that week knowing it was going to be very emotional well dh couldnt get to nursery to pick him up his mum was so ill,so my colleague dropped him at the hospital on her way home at about 4pm.......by 10pm dh still hadnt arrived (the oncology nurses were at the house so were lots of other professionals) the midwife was really stunned when she came into my room to see ds2 newborn fast asleep and ds1 aged 2 tucked up in my bed fortunately friends called in with some sandwiches and stuff for me (at gone 11pm)and took ds home for me.

That was a very hard time.

if it's really important to you, is there a birth centre near you instead of a hospital? I had DD in an NHS birth centre, there were private rooms, no visiting restrictions, and DH was allowed to stay as long as he liked. TBH he only stayed for a couple of hours to get me settled then I sent him home to get some rest!

leonie i tottaly agree, i wish it was like that here too, maybe in the future it will be.

madame i never once said i didnt care or think about other woman on the ward...if you look at my posts they have all said, i understand why the rules are there for womans privacy, its just i wish they were different and i have never once made anything up. I said im good at literacy and reading and writing, my spelling just isnt brilliant, and i abbreviate alot of words on purpose, i also said i have anxiety and im overdue, and where i lived before, where my sister had children it was aot better dps were alowwed to stay, i havnt made anything up, people have assumed alot about me, for some unknown reason! its dosent matter about my spelling, its dosent mean im not allowed to post

helenwombat Yes i agree i also find it appaling, there should be some system like the system in the usa as leonie said where every womans needs are satisfied. i also think alot of woman may cry wanting there biggest support, there husbands.

fabisfallingapart i was never aggresive until people startin attacking me with uncalled for comments about me being a selfish brat, those comments have been removed by mumsnet, when people are directly mean to me im going to get angry when iv just come on here for advice, voiced one of my opinions about the nhs subject, not directed at any nhs staff in paticular and for ages nobody would drop it when thats really not what this thread was about. i never said my spelling was brilliant i said im good a litature, reading and writing, again why is my spelling and abreviations such an issue here? i have been very nice and greatful to those who have deserved it, but if people are going to be rude to me and disrespect me why should i in return be nice?

starlightmckenzie thanku for the advice. i never though of taking us all into a different art of the hospital. And i was also unaware you can discharge yourdelf as long as everything is ok before the 6hours, i thought it was a minimum of 6hours?

crazycatlady i agree, many woman do really need there dps with them, im sorry to hear your experience wasnt that greta with you dp leaving, i would cry for that long too!

nickschick im very very sorry to hear about your experience, it must of been awful and very hard for you. its food that you have nice supportive friends tho, i wish you all the luck for your future!

squeezyb there is one being built but it definately wont be finshed by the time baby arrives, for next time im going to look into it tho, either that or a homebirth, but i definately dont want to be in hospital, even if this experience is a good one and dp dosent have to leave me, he may have to next time, so hospitals a no no no for next one, ha ha! Thanku for the suggestion tho!

You have to earn respect and people wouldn't bother so much about words being spelt wrong if you hadn't gone on about how good you were at spelling.

tiggz- to be honest I wanted a no intervention home birth, where my hubby would be with me all the time. However 2 days before I went into labour I went from low risk to high risk. Humph. Was not even allowed in a MLU. I then had a long and complicated labour, and if I am honest the most important thing for me was that I was not left in labour - which I was not - all bar him moving his vehicle as it was in 2 hr parking spaces. After the delivery he stayed until I went onto the ward - which was 6 hours ( although I dont remember much of it!)

Post natal wards are not a lot of fun - I agree - but you will be wrapped up in your new little one - and getting some sleep. I managed to get out 48 hours after delivering.

fabisgettingthere i never said i was really good at spelling! people started pickin at my spelling so i explained im not bad at spelling, i abbreviate alot and people are mistaking that for spelling mistakes, im a good at spelling just not brilliant! And i never mentioned anything about my spelling until someone picked up on a couple of mistakes, i didnt post to brag about my spelling, if they hadnt of said anything i wouldnt of said i think im a good speller! And to be honest i dont really want the respect of people who are going to be mean for no reason. my spelling really shouldnt be an issue, this is another subject many seem to find impossible to drop for again some unknown reason
sillysow Thanku for the advice, and sorry to hear your experience didnt go to plan.

Which hospital was it expat?

leoniedelt i agree, i know for a fact if my dp has to leave im going to be a state, and yes that means crying alot! i dont think that makes us pansys.

Maybe I was hardened to it because I'd been sent to hospital for a week before my section because of the previa (too dangerous to go into labour). I'd spent the last week of my pregnancy without my husband. So by the time my son came I was used to having to spend nights in hospital on my own. (10 in all)

You have made things up - you made up about the lazy nurses thing to try and dig yourself out of the hole you realised you were in when you realised it would be a stupid thing to demand your DH be there all night. You then tried to quantify what you said by saying you had to have a form filled in but the nurses were drinking tea and when I pulled you up you said you didn't need them to fill it in just get it to you - but it would need to be filled in anyway and by a nurse and not a doctor - so you are making stuff up as you are going along to back up your aguement which you should have just accepted at the beginning was flawed.

You could have just got up and left without any sort of form I hasten to add as the only way you can be kept somewhere is if you are sectioned - I know this because I work in a hospital - so next time give the lazy nurses the bird and swan out without your form eh?

madame LOL thats all i have to say to you, yes because you are with me 24/7 and u know for a fact i was lieing! oh dear your so silly. i know that happend and i know i wasnt lieing and i do not feel the need to prove myself to you. And i DO NOT feel as though my request is silly atall as many other woman on here say theres was the same. I had said in my experience nhs workers have been lazy i never said you are! stop getting so defensive and get off of your high horse! you should be ashamed of yourself, for constantly piking at a girl whos nervous about her first birth experience, as a MW you should realise not all mw's are the same and some are lazy and its just quite possible that i have only been seen by lazy ones. so i cannot comment on the good nhs service if i have not been fortunate enough to be provided with a good service! i was also adviced against discharging myself and was told if anything happend i would have to take fully resposibility, and i had to sighn a form which they had to fill a little bit out on and had to fetch the form, which took ages which i think was lazy! Just my opinion! i was not told i could leave without this form.

I think it is certainly worth talking about your fears with staff prior to moving to the ward so they are aware and to let those midwives looking after you during your labour to know as well. If you discuss it with them in a reasonable fashion I am sure they will be understanding and make sure you are well supported whilst your partner is not there.
I am a nurse and work for the NHS. I agree with you in that some members of staff in the NHS can be rude, unhelpful and lazy however that is not true of all staff and the vast majority would bend over backwards for patients.. I had a bad experience with post natal care during my stay in hospital after the traumatic birth of my DS 4 weeks ago. I self discharged but was then readmitted the next day. I was, like you, concerned about going to the ward on my own, I dealt with this by addressing my concerns to the manager, explaining my position and talking through ways in which we could resolve the problem. Although I didn't enjoy my stay in hospital it was tolerable because of this discussion and my care certainly improved.
Would it be possible for you to contact your midwife and talk through your concerns before being admitted?
Good luck and I'm sure all will go well.

geraldineaubergine thankyou for the advice. exactly my point thats some are lazy, i know not all are but in my experience i have only had lazy ones so unfortunately i cant comment on the ones that arent. I am going to talk to my midwife about it asap, but shes ill at the minute! But im sure i will sort something out.

'you should be ashamed of yourself, for constantly piking at a girl whos nervous about her first birth experience, as a MW you should realise not all mw's are the same and some are lazy and its just quite possible that i have only been seen by lazy ones. so i cannot comment on the good nhs service if i have not been fortunate enough to be provided with a good service!'

And some teenagers are stroppy, demanding, expect the world to owe them a living and a pretty damn good one, too, without having worked for very long, if at all, themselves.

If I were that sort of person at age 18, well, I'd have been pretty damned ashamed of myself.

You claim to have been in and out of hospitals, yet now say everyone you came into contact with was lazy and rude?

maybe my local hospital is crap, not lucky enough to have a good one then with perfect staff like your and your friend madame seem to be! And yes some teenagers are that, but im not one of those, and your wrong to judge me, and yes if i was one i would be ashamed but im not one. i jus wish everyones womans needs could be satisfied, as many other woman do, i dont think thats asking alot or being selfish, if you think it is then you must think most woman on here are! As alot has said exactly the same as me, i understand the rules, i just wish it was different!

to satisfy every woman's needs will take massive investment, and no-one likes paying more tax. so we have to work within the constraints of what is there

have you been booked for induction yet as you ae 9 days overdyue?

Right now the midwive's ill???

I don't even believe that you are actually pregnant.

You are saying at term +8 the midwife is ill and you are going to sort it - when are you going to sort if love next month???

Do you not realise that they will induce you soon or have they all been too busy drinking their tea to tell you any of this.

Honestly why people waste their time??????

because if you are induced, you must be prepared for your DH being sent home once visitng hours are over, and you might be in early labour and alone, so you need to try and start getting your head around that now..

x post , madamec...

im getting induced thursday, and my midwife missed my homevisit friday so once agin i ended up hospital as they have to check me becaus eim on labetalol 100mg 2x a week! and im under consultant care, my mw informed saturday morning she has an inner ear infection and wont be at work until thursday so monday when i see a random fill in mw i will sort it then, not that its any of your business

that was too madame not lulu lol

In the real world on the Planet Maturia, where people actually work to earn their living, by doing so they soon come to realise that paying taxes is painful. They don't like to pay more than is necessary because they still have to have enough of what they've earned left over to pay for things like rent, food, power and transport to work.

They also come to have a modicum of respect for other people who work for their living, and realise that there are good and bad people, and good and bad days, in all fields and professions.

And that stamping one's feet doesn't usually work well towards achieving one's result.