A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

And no I am not a midwife, just been taking notes from one born every minute!

doodleydoo yh good idea lol myt just do that!

When I had dd1,which was 12 years ago, she was a forceps delivery in theatre and afterwards we were taken back to the delivery room. Dh stayed with us for an hour or so and we phoned people etc then he went home as we were both so exhausted and I kept falling asleep. I must have been taken up to the ward around 2am,where they parked my bed and took dd1 away to look after her so I could sleep. they brought her back when she needed fed. I stayed in for 5 days with dd1.
The rule in my hospital was that during the day the dh/dp was allowed in something like 8am-10pm but other visitors were only allowed in during visiting hours.

With dd2, 6 years ago, she was born at 5.30pm, by the time I was stiched up, had my shower,something to eat etc, we were upon the ward by around 7.45pm,they very kindly let my granny come in to see us with my dd1 even though it was after visiting hours by the time they arrived. Again the nurses took dd2 away for the night to let me sleep and brought her back when she needed fed. I went home the next day, was around 2pm, had to wait ages on the paed coming to see us.

My hospital has wards that have 4 beds in a room,or at least it did then it has changed to being a midwife led unit now and I'm not sure if it's different now, but it doesn't have huge wards with 12-14 beds in it.

I certainly wouldn't have liked to have had someone elses husband on the other side of the curtain in the middle of the night.

Really please don't stress about this too much, the nurses will help you out.

thnx

Tiggz - you've had a mix of comments which has included good advice and support (as well as other comments - hopefully it will not be an issue.

However if you are going to insist in anything best to focus you energy on insisting (in a nice way) on staying on labour ward until you are discharged home. Might focus them on getting you discharged quicker.

Complete waste of time insisting your DP can stay on post-natal ward after visiting hours.

tiggz - maybe next time your second post will go something along the lines of "Giod, yes, I never thought about it from the point of view of not being the only person on the labour ward. Now I understand why my request would be so unreasonable."

That way you won't have to keep making things up and attacking people and the NHS and changing your story.

Just a lesson for someone nearly twice your age so with a little more life experience than you.

I sent my husband home to sleep because he had loads of stuff to do in the house. When I got home the house was spotless and all the baby stuff had been moved in (from my mum's house) and I didn't have to do anything. If he'd been in the room all night trying to sleep in a rubbish chair and then in the room all day with baby, myself and visitors then none of that would have been done and there would have been two shattered parents instead of one. He was also in a fit state to take baby and visitors into the day room so I could get some sleep in the day.
I had midwives to help and although I would have preferred more help (C section, couldn't move to pick up baby) I was so pleased that the house was ready and it took so much stress away.

Tiggx you need to calm down. All this anger isn't going to do you or your baby any good.

Your dp might be able to stay, he might not, it will depend on the circumstances of the delivery and where you are in the hospital.

People have tried to help, you have been rude and going on about how good you are at spelling doesn't fit when you are making so many spelling mistakes.

You are about to have a baby. Become a parent. You need to focus your energy on that. Not on being rude to people who are posting on the thread. Once you post, it is out there and free for anyone to comment on. You can't dictate what it discussed.

'When I got home the house was spotless and all the baby stuff had been moved in (from my mum's house) and I didn't have to do anything.'

My husband would have done FA unless specifically told in detail what exactly needed done.

Again, I think the problem is that the staff are not available to help in the postnatal ward.

I also think that 'rooming in' is bullshit unless you're breastfeeding.

After I had DD1, I literally passed out, I was so exhausted.

the problem is partly lack of staff. due to recrutiment freezes etc.. staff cannot split themselves in two, they might be helping someone else with breastfeeding, so can'/t help someone else.. there should be more staff, more help, more of everything, but there isn't , but it is not because staff don't want to help

Sorry - do women after childbirth lay there at night crying for their husbands?

I think it is unfortunate that you are unhappy with it, but that is simply the way it is. If you are unhappy enough you have two options and those are either go private or have a homebirth. If either of those are not possible for whatever reason you just have to suck it up.

MadameCastafiore "Sorry - do women after childbirth lay there at night crying for their husbands?"

I know, incomprehensible to me, but I guess some people are just different. I mostly wanted some food and to be left the hell alone.

'I know, incomprehensible to me, but I guess some people are just different. I mostly wanted some food and to be left the hell alone.'

I wanted someone else to look after the baby so that I could sleep.

I was lucky expat the boy was awake for about an hour afterwards, had a massive breastfeed and then conked out for 12 hours.

Well I say lucky, this was problem because I was buzzing as he was sleeping and then he woke up just as I was crashing. DH didn't start his paternity leave until after we came home.

I should say though that this was a flash private hospital in Sydney so a lot of the disturbances you experience on a hospital ward were not an issue. With the birth here I am intending to get in and out as fast as possible (and that is only if I can be arsed getting out of bed and going to the hospital in the first place).

I am just not that attached to DH.

With DD1 she was born at 4.05 and like I said, 24 hour labour, forceps the lot.

DH kicked out.

She woke up all night.

I was passed out and didn't hear her. A real wonder because I have dire insomnia and am the world's lightest sleeper.

But hey, I had had no food or any liquids for 32 hours before giving birth to her, and had lost plenty of blood.

No one checked me over at all once I got in that room. On my own.

Until DD1 cried and cried and cried and I didn't respond.

The midwife said, 'You need to feed your baby,' and I told her she needed to get a doctor in because I thought I was going to die.

By then, I already had a fever and infection.

They finally took her off. NO well baby unit at ERI, so she went into baby care unit and given a bottle whilst I got pumped full of fluid and antibiotics and got some rest.

I could have hemorraged to death and they'd never have been known.

That totally sucks expat and is definitely a massive argument for more money to be spent on staffing in the NHS.

With DD2, I went home off the delivery suite after a curry lunch so I could just hole up in bed with her.

My mom was the next day, too. Also, DH was SAHD and I was on mat leave, so there was help to be had and most of all, some decent friggin' food.

With DS, I got out of there as soon as I could. Because I was so full of dope, he mostly slept the whole day after he was born so I did, too.

One of the gals in the bay had a crash csection around midnight.

She was so tired her baby cried all night and she was sleep-talking to her.

I should have formally complained, Morloth.

I really should have.

I had a cannula in as soon as they did the epi, but they never attached me to any fluids.

It was June, 2003, the last time we had a hot summer, so I was sweating like mad.

I can only imagine how dehydrated I was, but when consultant asked me to sit up, I fainted whilst trying.

He went spare at them!

It took days to feel even semi-normal and they kept DD1 in the baby unit because I sort of lapsed in and out for the better part of two days.

I went into terrible PND and lost hella weight.

madame some women do, yes.

I cried all night for the first three nights I was in the PN ward - hadn't slept for 5 nights previously, v traumatic forceps delivery, DD jaundiced and screaming under a UV lamp and not latching on to feed, hormones all over the place, midwives ignoring my buzzer for over an hour and when one did turn up I couldn't understand what she said to me - so, yes I cried all night and if DH had been with me I would have coped a lot better.

Sorry, that was meant to say 2 nights previously - 5 and I probably would have been a lot worse than tearful

Most hospitals do ave private rooms you can pay for I thunk at our local hospital they are around £50 per night. If you have one of these the nurses are less strict about throwing DH's and oter visitors out so long as they stay in the room.