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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Anyone else scream during childbirth? Did you feel embarrassed afterwards?

219 replies

FrozenNorth · 21/02/2010 17:31

I've posted my birth story here before (HERE) and am really grateful for all your comments.

This is really a follow-on question: basically, does anyone else feel bad about making a lot of noise during delivery? I can't work out if this is a normal thing to feel ashamed of or whether it might signal that perhaps something is going on for me psychologically (have been wondering about PND but just not sure).

DD arrived in 3 pushes without any pain relief. During that time the midwives very sternly told me to stop screaming, calm down and start pushing. Problem is, I was pushing but couldn't help screaming at the same time - it bloody hurt, and I was really scared given that I'd only just been told that I was a) in established labour and b) about to have a baby. I really wish one of them had just said that it was okay to make noise if I had to. Instead they seemed to be trying to make me quieten down for the sake of the other women in the delivery suite.

I'm not quite sure what I'm asking here other than has anyone else found themselves screaming during labour and if so how did your health care provider react to it?

OP posts:
sarah293 · 21/02/2010 17:35

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FlyingDuchess · 21/02/2010 17:35

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coldtits · 21/02/2010 17:36

I screamed having Ds2. The midwife told me to "Shut up you might disturb the other patients!", and I told her to "Shut your fucking mouth and do not FUCKING DARE speak to me like that, who the HELL do you think you are???"

So no, not remotely ashamed.

MrsBadger · 21/02/2010 17:45

I bellowed, I howled, but not sure I screamed as such.

I think it was one of the Shelia Kitzinger books that, like FlyingDuchess says, advised stopping women screaming because it would tire them out, and recoemmended helping them divert the 'scream' energy downwards so it came out as a push, iyswim.
Maybe that was what your mws were trying for, rather than to shut you up?
They may also have worried that you were panicking (though obv you had every reason to do so) and thought it would benefit you and the baby to 'snap you out of it'.

Batteryhuman · 21/02/2010 17:47

Swore a lot and no I wasn't emabarassed. it husr....a lot. Mid wife didn't seem that bothered.

peanutbutterkid · 21/02/2010 17:47

Screaming fine, no embarrassment there. It felt better to scream, was something I could do.

Bowels opening is another matter, can't believe I let anyone see that!!!

heQet · 21/02/2010 17:49

I growled. And yes, I felt fairly stupid afterwards.

But not as daft as I did for sucking on the gas and air while the doc broke my waters with that hook thing - because I started to giggle, called him "little bo peep" and asked him where his sheep were

But labour itself - I remember kissing my husband between every contraction . I don't remember the growling. The low, throaty growl through each contraction. I wasn't aware of it at the time, I thought I was silent

The next day my throat REALLY hurt!

bluetits · 21/02/2010 17:49

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumcentreplus · 21/02/2010 17:53

I didnt actually scream at all just grunted and asked for drugs the MWs had a good chuckle..'Give me drugs...I need drugs right now!!!'..lol..heard some screamers and when I was having my first I thought WTFFFF?..one woman sounded like she was being tortured! but whatever yopu need to say or do...as Nike says..'Just do it'

nowwhatdoido · 21/02/2010 17:54

Screaming was great pain relief. I actually said to the midwife "the screaming is really helping, so I'm gonna scream, okay?" and she said "okay!". I was at home though, so possibly more comfortable doing what the hell I liked, than if I'd been in hospital. I do remember her saying, during the pushing stage, "I think perhaps it might helped if you screamed less and concentrated more on relaxing your pelvic floor and pushing", and you know what? At that stage, she was right. I did what she suggested, and things progressed much better.

I too, however, shall never get over the shame of pooing, on all fours, in front of other people though.

Original poster
FrozenNorth · 21/02/2010 17:56

Your descriptions of the noises you made have put a massive grin on my face - and laughed out loud at the 'little bo peep' comments. Thanks!

OP posts:
taffetacat · 21/02/2010 18:06

With DS I had a 36 hour labour in hospital with epidural, ventouse etc. I went into myself with the pain at the end and made no noise at all.

With DD 2 and a half years later, I had her 1 hour 20 mins after the first contraction, within 4 minutes of arriving at hospital. I made some very low, loud screaming type noises that I was semi aware of. Very different.

taffetacat · 21/02/2010 18:10

...............and I haven't read all of your birth story, but FWIW I couldn't stop thinking about DDs birth for about 6 months afterwards. Because it all happened so fast I don't think my brain could process it all so it had to keep going over and over it.

abbierhodes · 21/02/2010 18:12

I screamed, pooed, told my mom to fuck off and the midwife to "just get this fucking baby out of me!"

Not ashamed at all, and the midwife didn't bat an eyelid! If I got one that did, I'd be complaining to everyone who'd listen.

(I did apologise profusely, and thank her for my baby!!)

lowrib · 21/02/2010 18:32

The midwife told me not to scream.

This was after 5 totally unsuccessful attempts to give me an epidural. I was in more pain than I knew was possible.

I treated this request with the contempt it deserved! I simply said "I am going to scream" and got on with it.

mumcentreplus "one woman sounded like she was being tortured!" well if her baby's birth was anything like mine, I'd say it was pretty akin to torture.

I screamed the place down. Am I ashamed? Not for a second. Why should I be? I challenge anyone to go through that kind of pain and not scream. I was begging to be cut open by the end of it.

Frozennorth please don't feel ashamed for screaming. If the midwife made you feel bad, I would suggest she was a bitch.

cyteen · 21/02/2010 18:37

I produced some marvellous operatic screams while DS was crowning. In a detached sort of way I was listening to myself and thinking 'good range!' DP looked a bit grey in the face though, luckily he was soon distracted by the sight of DS's arrival.

Sounds to me like you did what you had to do. Be proud

Lolbilly · 21/02/2010 18:52

I think we're well justified in being as noisy as we like considering it bloody hurts!! Although one if my friends apparently "breathed" her baby out rather than pushing and screaming, a technique she'd learnt from hypnobirthing but I have no idea how.
Don't think I screamed but DH was traumatised for some time after, apparently due mainly to the noises I was making. Didn't feel ashamed but then my midwife didn't make any comments. That's really unhelpful of your midwife. You should feel extremely proud of yourself for bringing a beautiful new life into the world.
LMAO at HeQet's little bo peep story.

Morloth · 21/02/2010 19:22

I didn't scream but there was plenty of grunting. My OB told me to try to use the energy I was using on that to push, she was right.

You do what you need to do and everyone else can get stuffed.

MrsGravy · 21/02/2010 19:54

I screamed, oh boy did I scream! I screamed at the top of my lungs, I tried to stop but I had absolutely no control over it whatsoever.

With my first child the midwife (who was otherwise lovely) told me 'if you put as much effort into pushing as you are into screaming you'd have had this baby by now'!! She also came to give me a hug at the end of her shift and joked that I'd burst her ear drums. I didn't really feel ashamed though, like I say it was beyond my control!

I tried not to scream with my second (although the midwives didn't comment on it at all) and failed miserably!!

hormonesnomore · 21/02/2010 19:57

I let out a scream of sheer frustration when I was in labour with DC3. I knew I needed to push now but the midwife wouldn't believe me & sent my ex-H out of the room so I could sit on a bedpan because she thought I was needing to go to the toilet! Luckily, she soon got the message and let him back in the room just in time to see DD being born.

She also told me to be quiet and stop yelling - I think she felt embarrassed that she misjudged the situation.

Disenchanted3 · 21/02/2010 20:04

Through labour I am silent.

At crowning I scream.

With my last HB I started to scream at crowning, (dd was being born in the huge buldging sac of waters i had repeatdly asked the MW to break) so my mum jumped onto the couch was knelt over me holding my shoulders and shouted

'look at me, concentrate on me , look at my face'

which did actually distract me whilst i pushed.

I only found out hours later she had jumped so fast that DH who was next to me got his balls crushed by my mum jumping on him

I feel that evens it out, slightly.

mrsgboring · 21/02/2010 20:06

I had a very groovy midwife for whom everything was okay (was encouraged to move the furniture round the room and other stuff Ididn't reeally care about) But she did tell me off for screaming at one point and while I had no breath to argue with her, it was stupid of her - it was a v fast labour and like being on a rollercoaster. I needed to shriek a bit just to acknowledge to myself I felt out of control.

I also wasn't really comfortable till I lay down flat on my back (then I could writhe about without having to use arms and legs to support myself) and have fleeting moments of being embarrassed I adopted such a dark ages position. (I cringe inside when people go on and on about how you shouldn't push uphill and worst postition to give birth, Victorian blah blah)

Silly what guilt we can end up putting ourselves through isn't it?

MoChan · 21/02/2010 20:08

I didn't scream, but I bellowed, like a cow or something. No regrets at all because I really felt it was necessary for the pushing (in the same way weightlifters do big noises).

Prior to that there was some sobbing. Again, no regrets. It was cathartic.

Childbirth is very tough. I think you just have to do whatever it takes to get through it. If you make a lot of noise, then so be it. If anyone had complained about the noises I made, I'd have told them to f**k off.

jamaisjedors · 21/02/2010 20:17

I screamed and got told I was scaring the other "ladies" too!

I was not impressed, given that they had sent me home earlier that day, promised me an epidural, and then when I came back after lunch, they had no rooms free so the anaesthetist wouldn't drug me.

I was bloody .

They had also put me on some kind of morphine drip which then wore off for the last hour or so - no-one warned me that the pain was going to come back with quite such a vengeance!

Am not embarrassed, am still cross with them for daring to tell me off. (not normally an assertive sort of person)

LittleSilver · 21/02/2010 20:24

I screamed. Not embarassed in the slightest. I also got told NOT to scream, conserve the energy into pushing blah blah blah. Trust me, next time it will have IN VERY LOUD FONT ON MY BIRTH PLAN THAT IT'S MY BIRTH, I'LL SCREAM IF I WANT TO.