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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Ex thinks I’m being selfish

252 replies

ADmama · 23/08/2025 22:30

So my ex left me in June and I’m now 6 months pregnant. He was disrespectful to me in the relationship and I suspect he cheated on me towards the end as the tart he’s with now he knew whilst we was together .. anyway needless to say I’m not on good terms with the lying piece of work and because of his behaviour not on speaking terms . I’ve decided it will be too upsetting and distressing for me to have him at the birth so I’ve explained I don’t want him there and he can come see baby once we are back home and settled . He says I’m being selfish … what are peoples thoughts ?

OP posts:
RogerR4bbit · 23/08/2025 23:05

Your ex no longer has visiting rights to your vagina; they ended when your relationship did.

During childbirth you are likely to be in pain, possibly distress, you’re likely to poo and bleed and be semi naked for a lot of it; having someone you don’t trust in the room will not be helpful to you and will even prolong the birth process.

Original poster
ADmama · 23/08/2025 23:08

HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 22:31

You lost me at referring to another woman as a tart.

Because she knew full well I was pregnant and he was still with me when they started messaging . I’ve also sat and had conversations with this person before … he has no morals but she has no morals either

OP posts:
Original poster
ADmama · 23/08/2025 23:10

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

When she knew I was pregnant, and they was messaging before we broke up it shows she’s not a very respectable woman

OP posts:
heroinechic · 23/08/2025 23:11

Obviously you aren’t being selfish to not want your cheating ex boyfriend in the room while you give birth. He needs to give his head a wobble!

And FWIW, unless his new girlfriend has no idea that you exist, or about the pregnancy, she’s a cunt. Tart is too kind.

dogsarethebestalways · 23/08/2025 23:11

Don't get side tracked by the angry calling of names of the two parties involved in cheating on you, OP. The issue at hand is the birth, and he has no right to be there. If you're uncomfortable with his presence, you risk a longer labour and more chance of complications. You don't have to have him there.

Original poster
ADmama · 23/08/2025 23:13

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

I understand it’s his baby too but based on his actions and the fact he cheated on me why should he be at the birth if it’s going to cause me to be upset and distressed whilst giving birth . It’s not like we are amicable after all he’s done which if he had gone about it differently we could’ve been and then he would’ve had the opportunity to be there at the birth but he’s literally stomped on me in every way possible and surely I should have a calm birth experience when my pregnancy down to him has been nothing short of hell

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/08/2025 23:14

He is now the x, why on earth would he be at the birth.

and please don't tell me you are going to put him on the birth certificate ! unless you are married to him and have no choice.

Pebbles16 · 23/08/2025 23:14

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Because women actually grow and give birth to the baby. His contribution (since he's fucked off to another woman) was an orgasm - which, presumably - was pleasurable at the time.

LankylegsFromOz · 23/08/2025 23:18

Geeze there are some uber cool people around here!! The amount of woman who would be fine with the OW and allow the ex attend the birth.. truly aspiring.. wish I could be so cool...

Meanwhile, on planet earth....

SummerFrog25 · 23/08/2025 23:24

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

What part of it's HER body giving birth do you not understand?

Rhaidimiddim · 23/08/2025 23:26

DelphiniumBlue · 23/08/2025 23:02

It's not a spectator sport.
The only point of having anyone other than medical staff in the room with you when you give birth is to support you. If you don't feel he will support you and will, on the contrary, make you more stressed, then it will just make the birth more difficult to have him in there. That affects your safety and that of your baby.
Tell him no. His wants have nothing to do with you.

100%
You put it much better than.I did.

SummerFrog25 · 23/08/2025 23:31

& while we're about it, give the baby YOUR surname & don't put him on the BC.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/08/2025 23:33

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Don’t be bitter? Cheated on, left during pregnancy and now bringing up a child alone? She’s allowed to be bitter FFS. Also, it’s her body, she’s giving birth and she’s entitled to do
that in whatever way makes her comfortable. I wouldn’t want the piece of shit there either. What an utterly nasty post.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/08/2025 23:34

heroinechic · 23/08/2025 23:11

Obviously you aren’t being selfish to not want your cheating ex boyfriend in the room while you give birth. He needs to give his head a wobble!

And FWIW, unless his new girlfriend has no idea that you exist, or about the pregnancy, she’s a cunt. Tart is too kind.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Nextdoormat · 23/08/2025 23:37

This was me 4th child, no he wasn't at the birth my sisters were and he only saw baby after a couple day as he was drunk all weekend 🙄

MidnightPatrol · 23/08/2025 23:38

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Absolutely wild take…!

Ellie56 · 23/08/2025 23:40

Tell him to fuck off. It's your body and he doesn't get visiting rights to it if you don't want him there.

And I wouldn't be putting him on the BC either.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 23/08/2025 23:42

Don’t entertain him. Don’t message him, don’t respond, don’t give him the time of day. This is your body and your choice only.

HellEvenDorisDay · 23/08/2025 23:43

You are the patient. Your preferences will be considered, not his. He didn’t care about your feelings so why care about his?

StressedOot3 · 23/08/2025 23:43

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Eh because it's her that's pushing the baby out, it's her birth and she should feel comfortable and safe. If she doesn't want her ex there at one of the most vulnerable points of her life, that's entirely her prerogative. Her ex wasnt giving a fuck about the baby when he was treating her badly and cheating on her when she was carrying it. He can wait till she feels comfortable enough to see him after she's given birth.

BernardButlersBra · 23/08/2025 23:45

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

She's probably got the control as it's her medical procedure 🙄. It's also painful and risky most likely. So that's why

SparklingRivers · 23/08/2025 23:46

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Whilst giving birth? You think a man wanting to watch should come before the womans right to privacy whilst naked and feeling relaxed about who is in the room whilst in horrific pain?

muggart · 23/08/2025 23:47

Of course he shouldn’t be at the birth. how entitled is he to think he has a right to watch you naked pushing a baby out! does he have any idea what it entails? what a prick.

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 23/08/2025 23:48

I wouldn't have him there.

Shopinlille · 23/08/2025 23:50

He's lucky that you're even agreeing to him having anything to do with the baby at all. Think about whether you want his name on the birth certificate. Someone will be along soon on here being annoyed that I've said this. Hopefully someone will be along on here as well with some useful legal advice for you regarding the same. I'm thinking custody and maintenance issues.