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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Ex thinks I’m being selfish

252 replies

ADmama · 23/08/2025 22:30

So my ex left me in June and I’m now 6 months pregnant. He was disrespectful to me in the relationship and I suspect he cheated on me towards the end as the tart he’s with now he knew whilst we was together .. anyway needless to say I’m not on good terms with the lying piece of work and because of his behaviour not on speaking terms . I’ve decided it will be too upsetting and distressing for me to have him at the birth so I’ve explained I don’t want him there and he can come see baby once we are back home and settled . He says I’m being selfish … what are peoples thoughts ?

OP posts:
HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 22:31

You lost me at referring to another woman as a tart.

Noelshighflyingturds · 23/08/2025 22:32

He shouldn’t be at birth, the birth is about you and your health and comfort

Campingisnexttogodliness · 23/08/2025 22:32

He can see the baby when you feel up to it.

glittermittens · 23/08/2025 22:33

HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 22:31

You lost me at referring to another woman as a tart.

Agreed

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 23/08/2025 22:33

You shouldn't refer to women as tarts @ADmama

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/08/2025 22:36

He’s being an idiot, it doesn’t matter why you split, it’s your body and it’s you giving birth, he doesn’t need to be there.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 23/08/2025 22:37

How emotionally safe you feel whilst in labour is likely to have a significant impact on how birth goes. So he mustn't be there while you're in labour.

I'd consider allowing him a brief visit in hospital afterwards though.

And it's fairly understandable to call the OW names!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/08/2025 22:37

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Seriously??? He left her and now she doesn’t want him viewing her privates as she gives birth, that is totally reasonable!

mrsfollowill · 23/08/2025 22:39

He should not be at the birth- that is you time- you need to relax as much as you can and feel supported. He can see your child when you feel ready for it end of story!

abracadabra1980 · 23/08/2025 22:40

HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 22:31

You lost me at referring to another woman as a tart.

Why? She’s hurt and upset and about to give birth. Would ‘slutty cunt’ be better? Ffs get a grip.

Scribblydoo · 23/08/2025 22:40

Well that's a bit rich coming from him. Do what's best for you and take control of this train wreck as he is clearly going to be a hassle going forward. Get an email/burner phone//parenting app just for him and a court order for visits. Plus all the therapy for you as you're going to need it

gamerchick · 23/08/2025 22:40

You don't have to have anyone at the birth you don't want there OP. Just make sure to tell the midwives when you deliver and probably not let anyone who will tell him when you're in labour.

gamerchick · 23/08/2025 22:42

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

No man has the right to be at the birth if the mother doesn't want him there. The end. Her comfort is everything.

Its one thing that isn't about him.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/08/2025 22:42

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

Because it's their body and they are the ones giving birth.

Maybe he should've thought about the consequences before cheating on his pregnant partner?

titchy · 23/08/2025 22:43

andanotherproblem · 23/08/2025 22:35

Firstly, it’s probably not the woman’s fault, don’t be bitter. Secondly, it’s his baby too I don’t see why women should have all the control.

You’re quite right - giving birth is all about the father and his rights isn’t it. Oh, wait….

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/08/2025 22:44

The fact that you told him and sound like youre going back and forth with him is a problem

I know its hard, but be has chosen this other woman. Telling him 'you cant come to the birth' so it causes an argument and he gives you attention is pointless

Of course he shouldn't be at the birth, its about you. Leave him and his girlfriend alone and focus on yourself and your baby

Are you close to your mum? Plan somw days out and things to do to prep for motherhood, yoga etc. Have you chosen your buggy, got clothes etc?

Dont go back and forth with this man who has broken your heart, because he isnt coming back girl. Set out your birth plan and say no more about it to him. He will see the baby when theyre born.

and congratulations to you ,
op, sorry that he has made this experience tough for you xx

crumpet · 23/08/2025 22:45

You’ve got no idea what he might or might not have told her, so please don’t make her the focus of your anger. It’s all on him.

separately there is nothing which would make me have an ex partner at the birth. It’s messy, vulnerable and quite possibly painful and I would only want people close to me who I trust, and possibly only medical staff there. He can fuck right off.

Sometimeswinning · 23/08/2025 22:45

I’d call both of them any name I wanted! Tart is very low key imo. Your birth, your choice.

HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 22:51

@abracadabra1980
I don’t need a grip.
Why is a woman being blamed for a man’s faults.

Rhaidimiddim · 23/08/2025 22:55

No. When you're giving birth you need, at the very least, NOT to have someone there whose presence is going to upset you.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/08/2025 22:57

HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 22:51

@abracadabra1980
I don’t need a grip.
Why is a woman being blamed for a man’s faults.

Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship and has a pregnant partner is a shitty thing to do, everyone, yes even women, are responsible for their own actions.

Itsnaptime · 23/08/2025 22:58

You do what you feel best for you and baby....
If he's there and your stressed the baby is also stressed so you need to make sure you are as calm as possible. Your mum or best friend for example would be a better option I think

Good luck with the rest of pregnancy, birth and of course when bubba is here in your arms

dogsarethebestalways · 23/08/2025 22:58

When you are giving birth is one time it is allowed to be all about your choices. If you're not comfortable, labour won't progress as well. He can meet the baby after the birth. The baby won't care if he was there or not, but you will.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/08/2025 23:02

It's not a spectator sport.
The only point of having anyone other than medical staff in the room with you when you give birth is to support you. If you don't feel he will support you and will, on the contrary, make you more stressed, then it will just make the birth more difficult to have him in there. That affects your safety and that of your baby.
Tell him no. His wants have nothing to do with you.