Ex thinks I’m being selfish

[ADmama]

So my ex left me in June and I’m now 6 months pregnant. He was disrespectful to me in the relationship and I suspect he cheated on me towards the end as the tart he’s with now he knew whilst we was together .. anyway needless to say I’m not on good terms with the lying piece of work and because of his behaviour not on speaking terms . I’ve decided it will be too upsetting and distressing for me to have him at the birth so I’ve explained I don’t want him there and he can come see baby once we are back home and settled . He says I’m being selfish … what are peoples thoughts ?

He won’t get 50/50 when he’s not reliable or trustworthy and I have proof of stuff e.g his drinking …. I doubt he will take me to court but good luck to him if he does . Saying his relationship with his child is different however I’m not going to exactly trust him when he’s treated me so poorly and lied and left me when pregnant in a poor manner etc isn’t showing he’s trustworthy or reliable it doesn’t fill me with much confidence

The court will not give a shit about things like that do you realise how low the bar is for someone to lose custody or need supervised visitation

He'd also need to have parental rights in the first place which won't happen if he isn't there when OP registers the birth.

He will get parental rights easy if he goes to court.

If he goes to court he will. Courts will always aim for 50/50 unless their is a significant reason not to as a child has 2 parents. Op is making it about herself which is fine for the birth but after that it is his child to and the child deserves a dad. He cheated on her just like millions of other men and women do its not a reason to block a relationship between the child and father as it only ends up hurting the child in the long run.

When I single handed adopted a child and am adopted myself and work within the childcare field yes I do know it takes a lot for someone to loose custody however when a child is a newborn I will be breastfeeding , we aren’t together , father unreliable , not trustworthy , drinks , hasn’t had any experience with having a new born or all that entails I’m hoping I’d like to have faith that the courts will not see it fit that he gets 50/50 or unsupervised e.g rights to take baby overnight and certainly not straightaway

If he goes to court.

Why did you decide to have a baby with such an unreliable man?

As I said?

It takes effort and some can't be bothered with the effort. OP who clearly knows him better than we do seems to think he'll be one of those.

Well obviously because at the time I fell pregnant I didnt think he would turn out like this and I thought he would step up and be the person who made me believe he wanted a future with me and wanted a child with me ….

Any man who walks out on his pregnant wife deserves absolutely nothing, he is the lowest of the low.

Didn’t say I was stopping him from seeing his child ? I just said I don’t trust him with everything he’s done and obviously one big reason for him not being safe around our child unsupervised …

Well he still might - the baby’s not here yet, and the best thing for your baby is to have a relationship with its father.

and if he goes to court he is highly likely to get 50/50

the fact he cheated on you won’t be considered enough of a reason by the court to block contact. I’m sorry but the court won’t take that into account.

Love this!

It’s not just that he cheated on me though there’s more to it to show he’s not reliable or trustworthy and clearly he’s not going to step up and show me he wants a future with me and a child with me because he’s walked when I’m pregnant he clearly didn’t want the responsibility of being there full time or for the hard work otherwise he wouldn’t of done that . This post wasn’t even about his rights or non rights afterwards however some people seem to be ok with a guy being a ’part time’ dad and taking the credit because they show up sometimes

None of what you describe is going to be enough to stop him having significant levels of unsupervised contact if he goes to court.

I’m sorry but what court would be ok to let a child be left unsupervised with someone that drinks and certainly has driven over limit …. And if they do grant that and he turns up and I believe he’s been drinking or still under the influence court order or no court order he won’t be taking our child

Have you proof that he drives drunk? If so, what did you do about it when you were in a relationship with him?

you’ll sound like a bitter ex if you try to raise that at court.

he will perhaps get supervised on a contact centre to start with, moving to unsupervised. But to be honest you’d need more than just your word you’d need proof.

im sorry.

How will I sound like a bitter ex for trying to protect my baby ?

Because that’s the sort of thing that the courts hear day and daily.

Yes, next time your having a major life changing medical incident, you can have all your exes there...... no??

Wether they hear it on a daily basis or not most probably founded to be true and not because of being bitter…..it has everything to do with protecting my child and yes I have proof . Sounds to me you’re either a guy and therefore have no idea what lengths a woman will go to protecting their child or you’ve been the OW in a cheating situation that is why you have the mindset of being ‘bitter’ i wish you a goodnight and no further engagement or my reasoning with / explanation of how I feel

You think her ex, who’s now with someone else has an automatic right see her in all her glory giving birth?

You need someone who will support you and advocate for you during labour. Your ex isn't that person. I understand you not wanting him around when you have just given birth. It can be a difficult time physically, emotionally and psychologically. I wouldn't want him around at my most vulnerable time. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Invite him round when you are home. If he wants Contact with the baby then it should be regular and often. 2 hours 3 times a week would be very reasonable.