Ex thinks I’m being selfish

[ADmama]

So my ex left me in June and I’m now 6 months pregnant. He was disrespectful to me in the relationship and I suspect he cheated on me towards the end as the tart he’s with now he knew whilst we was together .. anyway needless to say I’m not on good terms with the lying piece of work and because of his behaviour not on speaking terms . I’ve decided it will be too upsetting and distressing for me to have him at the birth so I’ve explained I don’t want him there and he can come see baby once we are back home and settled . He says I’m being selfish … what are peoples thoughts ?

In your shoes, I wouldn't have him at the birth; I wouldn't even let him know I had gone into labour. I certainly wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate, so that you and your 2 girls have the same name.
I would let him know the baby has arrived after I was home and settled.
I would allow him to have a short visit with the baby at your house.
He sounds like the kind of man who would quickly loose interest in a baby anyway.

I’ve been through this many years ago. Deadbeat disappeared and said he wanted nothing to do with the baby and cut me off and never responded to messages. A month before birth demanded to be at the birth, on the birth certificate and to choose the name (ideally call it after him). His Father told him I was in labour and got harassed during and after my emergency c section whilst in high dependency. I cried “why won’t he just leave me alone to recover”. The hospital security warned him to stay away. It was horrendous. I let him see the child through the nurses as I knew he was a horrible nasty person and I was vulnerable I didn’t want some bitchy tongue about the state of me so I refused to see him. He just said he was there as he wanted a photo for his Mother (whom never sent so much as sent a card, let alone support). It was embarrassing and degrading. Very typical of his attention seeking though.

I called my son what I wanted and didn’t put him on the birth certificate. He then within a week said “He would slam the door on the child should he come looking for him” left a lot of horrible messages on my answer machine to return to on my arrival home with the baby and told me he’d been to a solicitor to make sure nothing gets left to his first born son. I heard nothing until the child was three and whilst he was out of work phoning me as he about to lose his flat messaging me and when I wasn’t delighted to hear from him told me he’s a loving father and he hoped I didn’t go through the pain of loosing a child like he has. He demanded photos I sent them and then he told me “he’s embarrassed and ashamed I’m the mother of his child”.

Thankfully my son or myself haven’t seen him in years. I’m doing well and son is off to a good university. I do panic his Father might look a Google or social media and turn up at halls. These men show no boundaries. If the child wasn’t doing well I wouldn’t worry but as his other children he’s had since will be unlikely to give this pathetic man the kudos he may believe his son will I do worry. He’s the type to demand air kissing in a Harvester restaurant and talks loudly round Waitrose whilst coming from a council house. This is a real concern and a legitimate one.
Obviously my son doesn’t think he’s anything to offer him, which is a fair point.

Make your life easier, he can do the hard work for visitation and show up! I went through hell and wasted time being kind and fair but theses men do not care about you or your child’s needs. The birth itself left emotional damage. I wish I had not spoken to his Father and told him I was in labour, after all his Father only interested in staying in touch was to bully me not to claim child support as “I’m managing fine and don’t need it”. This family never did a single thing for this child and just seem to have a bit of jealously at my own financial situation.

Those whose say do not tell anyone you’re in labour and do not out him on the birth certificate are CORRECT.