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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Separated from my newborn. Feels actually painful

192 replies

doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:20

I had my baby yesterday morning via c-section. He came out screaming and all was fine but then 10 minutes later he was taken to be checked very abruptly. I didn't see him again for 4 hours.

I finally got to see him and he was in an incubator. They said his obs were all fine but his breathing was a bit fast so they were going to transfer him to another hospital incase he had an infection. I was sat by him in a wheelchair but nearly fainted so they sent me back to my bed.

They came to get me an hour later saying he's being transferred in 5 minutes to a hospital an hour away, I got to go and have a quick cuddle before he was taken away and after hours of begging was allowed to do some skin to skin and he latched perfectly and had his first breastfeed. Then he was gone.

I couldn't go with him, stable mum not a priority for ambulance, can only go if I discharge myself against medical advice. I had to have a catheter put back in as I couldn't wee. Been told atleast another 24 hours until I can be discharged

The hospital my baby is in is over an hour away. They have said to my husband that baby is absolutely fine, which is brilliant, but makes it feel horrific he's been transferred for no reason. He's not receiving any different care of treatment at SCBU than he was here, it was a precaution but it turned out he didn't need to be transferred and it was most likely just some fluid on lungs. They can't transfer him back though. He's not ready to be discharged for another 48 hours due to antibiotics

I'm in physical pain. I've barely seen my newborn. Held him for just minutes of his life. One breast feed, I am aching for him. I don't know what to do. I can't wait 24-48 more hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:29

I'm awake desperately trying to pump for him. I sent him with all the milk I had and it's gone so he's now on formula. I just hate this and the fact it's not even necessary makes it so much worse. I just want to hold and feed my baby.

OP posts:
SkalengeckOrSiegbarste · 27/01/2023 02:33

That sound horrific! I am so sorry you are in this situation. Will they definitely not transfer you? It sounds inhumane the way they are treating you and your baby. Sending love

LemonSwan · 27/01/2023 02:35

Oh so sorry OP! This is really tough. I hope they have moved you to a private room so you can rest.

And please do try to rest! That is the only silver lining to this situation.

You need to focus on yourself so you can recover and be discharged. Rest, drink, eat, sleep and before you know it you will be with him.

💐

Original poster
doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:36

They have phoned for an ambulance but they said a stable mother alone is not a priority so it will be the lowest priority for an ambulance and any other call outs will be prioritised over it so we will keep getting bumped down the list. She said it's very unlikely to come before I'm discharged. I just never thought this would happen. I thought mums and newborns were kept together at all costs but no one seems to be prioritising that. It hurts so much

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/01/2023 02:37

Sorry you are going through that.

For what it's worth i weighed 4lb at birth in 1963; my mom never held me for days as i was in incubator. She said she cried when she finally did. Then they put me back for nearly three weeks.

It was rough on my parents but soon forgotten and all was well. I of course have zero memory of all that

Focus on your healing; your baby will be with you soon.

Original poster
doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:39

I think I'd feel more at peace (if possible) with it if it was a case of he's in the best place. But he's healthy and they aren't doing any treatment except antibiotics which they were doing here. So when they say he's in the best place all I can think is no he's not, he's not with his mum getting skin to skin and breast milk. That's the best place for him right now. I understand taking precautions but I feel like the transfer shouldn't of gone ahead. They even said to me when the transfer team got there he didn't really need to go but they were there at that point. I'd rather them of wasted a trip than this. I just want my baby

OP posts:
Original poster
doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:43

Pumping and nothing is coming out. I got 60ml out for him yesterday and now nothing. It's like I'm drying up instantly. I'm so worried this will ruin our breastfeeding journey before it even starts. I just ache for him Sad

OP posts:
Mamamess · 27/01/2023 02:47

Firstly congratulations! This will all be a distant memory soon , I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😔 I can’t begin to imagine how you feel. My little boy (who I’m currently cuddling after a feed) had photo therapy due to a blood disorder then in the middle of our second night in hospital I was told he needed antibiotics. Long story short they ended up being precautionary so I too was upset that he’d had antibiotics for no reason. But I had a chat with a midwife and she explained how quickly babies take a turn for the worst they are fine then suddenly things can go very wrong very quickly. All you want is your baby in your arms but everything has been done with your baby’s best interests at heart. Amazing that you got that feed in, keep pumping ask for help storing your colostrum even better if you can use that when you’re reunited!! Your baby will be very loved by the nurses caring for him. Maybe just kick up more of a fuss to get back together quicker?? My thoughts are really with you, you must feel so helpless, sending you a big hug x x x x

cloudrunner · 27/01/2023 02:51

Op, that must be unbearable. Is a private ambulance an option?

Original poster
doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 03:00

It is, it's the most horrible feeling I feel so empty he was taken from my belly and just disappeared so quick I feel completely empty and like I'm physically aching for him. Just knowing he's over an hour away hurts so bad.

Thank you all. I appreciate it was all done with well intentions it's just so hard and I just can't wrap my head around it. When they let me hold him and breastfeed his heart rate slowed right down and they said all he needed was his mummy. Then took him again. Sad

OP posts:
Stickly · 27/01/2023 03:02

I really feel for you, so sorry :( I breastfed but whilst separated like you I really struggled to pump. I found fenugreek capsules to really help and also don't pump for ages at a time (I made that mistake) try 15 mins every few hours to mimic baby. You'll be back together soon

Maryandherlamb · 27/01/2023 03:11

I'm sorry you're going through all this. Don't worry about the milk, it'll come through, just a bit slower. My boy was in NICU for a week and too poorly to feed for five days. I pumped and got tiny amounts through so he was supplemented. When he left we went exclusively to breast feeding and within a couple of days my milk came in absolutely fine.

WilburTheIron · 27/01/2023 03:17

Hello OP, I’m so sorry you’re having such a traumatic time. I just wanted to say, if it’s not been mentioned, that it’s really common for milk to take longer to come in after having a C-section. It can sometimes take up to a week or even longer. It’s probably even harder for you because of the trauma of being separated from your baby and not being able to breast-feed right now. It’s really important that you eat and drink plenty of fluids and keep pumping regularly. The fluid retention after a CS can make it take longer so plenty of drinking of fluids will help a lot.

Even if not much comes out and it feels like it’s not going to change, it absolutely will, you just need to stick with it. I hope you’re with your baby really soon. If you have to supplement for a while that’s absolutely fine. Just keep up with the breast-feeding as often as you can once you’re with him and pump as much as you can in between and then even in between the feeds once you’re together again. Best wishes OP.

Summer2424 · 27/01/2023 03:18

@doingitalllagain i'm so sorry you're going through this 😔
Sending you love and strength to get through this time❤

WilburTheIron · 27/01/2023 03:22

Also - try to get hold of the best quality breast pump that you can. You can rent hospital grade ones for once you’re at home. It might feel like it’s never going to happen but it will.

OnlyTheWeedsGrow · 27/01/2023 03:32

OP, I can feel your pain in your words. It made me cry, remembering when my DC was born, and similar occurred.

Regarding the pumping, get someone to send you a photo of your baby (and try to get a physical copy too, not just on a screen) and look at it whilst you pump. That’s what they did for me, and it really helped with the pumping.

I hope you soon have your little one in your arms, where he belongs. 💐

Blessedbethefknfruit · 27/01/2023 03:49

OP is your husband able to go see your baby?
If not, are the hospital able to send you photos?
Looking at my baby, either in front of me or in photos would bring on my milk production and help me to express. Also hearing her cry.
Hopefully this can keep you going until your baby is in your arms ❤️

I'm so sorry what you are going through, it is so unfair.

mumofthree22 · 27/01/2023 04:02

Congratulations on the birth and Sorry to hear what you're going through but is there any way your husband can go and get some skin to skin with baby and maybe take some breast milk if you manage to pump some in the next day? Just keep pumping 10 min every couple of hours and when baby is back you'll manage to breast feed just fine ( milk is slow to come for few days anyway). Please try and get some rest so you are stronger when you are reunited. 💐

MummyLauraJay · 27/01/2023 04:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MichelleScarn · 27/01/2023 04:31

Oh @doingitalllagain really feel for you. Is ghere a bf support team at your hospital that could come in and see you today?

FfaCoffi · 27/01/2023 04:36

I feel your pain.

Do you know where he is?

Can you get to him another way? Can your DH drive you there?

If not, you could try speaking to PALS, they may be able to help.

For any BFing concerns, speak to the Breastfeeding Network, they give great support. (And are more knowledgeable than most HCPs).

whitewardrobes1 · 27/01/2023 04:37

I am so so sorry you're going through this. I completely understand the physical pain and have felt it myself when I was separated from my baby. It's truly awful. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Please try not to worry about your milk. Your milk flow will stop if you're really stressed. It doesn't mean it won't come back. It will very likely start flowing again when you're with your baby. I know that doesn't help when you're trying to get milk to him now.

I really hope you're with him again as soon as possible. I think it's awful the hospital have done this if it wasn't absolutely necessary. If anything, they could have transferred you with him. I can't believe they didn't do that!
Sending you a big hug x

Siepie · 27/01/2023 04:57

Congratulations on your new baby OP. I hope you’re reunited as soon as possible.

I was once transferred between hospitals by taxi when there weren’t any ambulances available and I was medically fit enough. Would they allow this, or even for your husband to drive you? As long as the issue is definitely ambulances and not beds at the other hospital, I would push for a taxi. Your husband and/or PALS may be able to help arrange this.

Intrepidescape · 27/01/2023 05:08

If that was me I would call an Uber and go and be with my baby. How are they going to know if you’re not in?

Fruby · 27/01/2023 05:11

So sorry you are being treated this way. A mother should not be separated from a newborn. If you are well enough to do so and you haven’t already I would demand to be transferred and let them know you can make your own way there (taxi or lift with someone?). Keep a note of everything that happens and complain to PALS.