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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Separated from my newborn. Feels actually painful

192 replies

doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:20

I had my baby yesterday morning via c-section. He came out screaming and all was fine but then 10 minutes later he was taken to be checked very abruptly. I didn't see him again for 4 hours.

I finally got to see him and he was in an incubator. They said his obs were all fine but his breathing was a bit fast so they were going to transfer him to another hospital incase he had an infection. I was sat by him in a wheelchair but nearly fainted so they sent me back to my bed.

They came to get me an hour later saying he's being transferred in 5 minutes to a hospital an hour away, I got to go and have a quick cuddle before he was taken away and after hours of begging was allowed to do some skin to skin and he latched perfectly and had his first breastfeed. Then he was gone.

I couldn't go with him, stable mum not a priority for ambulance, can only go if I discharge myself against medical advice. I had to have a catheter put back in as I couldn't wee. Been told atleast another 24 hours until I can be discharged

The hospital my baby is in is over an hour away. They have said to my husband that baby is absolutely fine, which is brilliant, but makes it feel horrific he's been transferred for no reason. He's not receiving any different care of treatment at SCBU than he was here, it was a precaution but it turned out he didn't need to be transferred and it was most likely just some fluid on lungs. They can't transfer him back though. He's not ready to be discharged for another 48 hours due to antibiotics

I'm in physical pain. I've barely seen my newborn. Held him for just minutes of his life. One breast feed, I am aching for him. I don't know what to do. I can't wait 24-48 more hours.

OP posts:
Gh12345 · 27/01/2023 07:43

doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:39

I think I'd feel more at peace (if possible) with it if it was a case of he's in the best place. But he's healthy and they aren't doing any treatment except antibiotics which they were doing here. So when they say he's in the best place all I can think is no he's not, he's not with his mum getting skin to skin and breast milk. That's the best place for him right now. I understand taking precautions but I feel like the transfer shouldn't of gone ahead. They even said to me when the transfer team got there he didn't really need to go but they were there at that point. I'd rather them of wasted a trip than this. I just want my baby

I have to agree OP, the best place is with you. I’d discharge myself and go. I couldn’t bare it x

Trixiefirecracker · 27/01/2023 07:46

Believeitornot · 27/01/2023 06:21

She can complain and absolutely should when she is ready.

Show quote history

She can complain but the hospital are being cautious and rightly so, newborns can go downhill very quickly and the baby is the priority. Yes, maybe it would have all been okay but they upway the risks and try and make the right decision. No one has the ability to see in to the future and they have to make a judgement call there and then.

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/01/2023 07:46

This must be so hard. I would just say that as long as you yourself are in a fit state to travel (if the catheter is the only reason you can't be discharged) then I'd make plans to get to the other hospital yourself. It may take days for the ambulance as even if there's one available it will probably take the staff on your ward hours to sort your notes etc. They are likely rushed off their feet and as you are not at imminent risk of dying you are a low priority. You had a sympathetic midwife this morning but the shift will change at 8 and the new person won't know anything about it. So stay as calm as you can, explain to them that you are getting a lift and will be leaving at x time and can they get things sorted for you please. Good luck

Matleavemummy · 27/01/2023 07:52

Hi @doingitalllagain
i could have written this myself. I’ve been there. My son was born via C-section in covid, then transferred to another hospital. I had to discharge myself. What are you going through is traumatising, and don’t let anyone tell you you are downplaying it. He was mainly there for a precaution and was in a NICU at 9lb surrounded but 2lb babies and part of me wished he was ill so I knew he had reason to be there. It felt so wrong he was there just so a doctor could keep an eye on him.

What I would say, is that if you struggle to get over this, don’t be hard on yourself. Accept help when you’re home. I’m a couple of years over this now, and still get upset that I didn’t have those first 4 days doing skin on skin, boob on him the whole time and the grainy photos are my most prized possession. I look at them now and I’m so proud of us both for getting through it, and you will too.

easier said then done, but also please try not to worry about milk. I know there’s a natural urge to feed your baby especially when in hospital, but they’ll be fine if you need help with bottles and formula.

Lots of love x

Cazziebo · 27/01/2023 07:53

What a horrible experience. If it's any consolation, OP, my baby was in the SCBU for 8 days and, despite a sign saying breast fed only, the nurses bottle fed her and would only allow me in at certain times. When we got home breast feeding established quickly and easily and she was EBF for a good 5/6 months. Continued to breast feed through weaning for another 6 months after that.

As a PP says, this will be a distant memory soon. Congratulations on your baby.

piedbeauty · 27/01/2023 07:55

Oh, I'm so very sorry to hear this. It's good that the medics were on the ball and took your baby for extra treatment as a precaution, but how horrific that you couldn't go too, so you could cuddle him and feed him.

Sending you huge hugs. 💐

LostCountAnotherName · 27/01/2023 07:55

hi OP having been through the exact same thing expect my baby was poorly and needed NICU and I had my baby in a hosptial where they only went to SCBU. I didn’t get to see or hold my baby for a very long time as they needed to be intubated.

I followed the day after my section in a taxi as there were no ambulances. A very dangerous situation , I was very unwell post section too.

i will say to you that you will be together soon, lean on family. Make sure they bring you food. Rest and drink plenty. You’ll be together soon. Very traumatic birth experience for you, you have all these ideals (as NCT go on about) and suddenly it’s not what you expected.

we sadly didn’t get to establish breast feeding but my baby was incubated for two weeks. I pumped but little came out. They thrives on the little milk I had when they could finally take feeds and topped up with formula.

do lean on your midwives and health visitor when you get home. I did have PND and a bit of disassociation. I became very protective of my baby and it was a tough time. We are through it now and I did have therapy too.

Peonies94 · 27/01/2023 07:56

I’m in the February group with you and heard your story on there! Im so sorry! I really hope you can get there to be with him this morning! I can’t imagine how you’re feeling! Thinking of you and hope you are with him as quickly as possible! Good luck with everything! ❤️

HappyAsASandboy · 27/01/2023 07:56

You won't be drying up - your milk has probably not come in yet. Keep pumping both sides, at least every two hours day and night for at least 30 minutes. Even if nothing comes out. You will be stimulating the breast to make milk, and it will come in eventually.

I have had three C Sections my milk took 4 days, 5 days and 5 days to come in despite baby being on the breast almost permanently. Don't give up on the pumping if you want to breastfeed when you're reunited Flowers

Led92 · 27/01/2023 08:02

It’s very early to be pumping milk generally it doesn’t come in for you to actually pump until day 3. If you can you should hand express the drops into a syringe. (Unless I’ve got that wrong).

Just do what you can for him pumping/expressing. You should do this every two hours both breasts (I exclusively pump for my DC).

hang on for 24 hours then when you’re reunited have a lovely long cuddle and lots of skin to skin and you’ll start to feel much better.

HystericalDinosaur · 27/01/2023 08:02

I was separated from my baby in NICU for a few days and had similar issues pumping. He had formula for a few days in NICU. Once we were together no more formula but did struggle to get proper breastfeeding support in hospital, had too much weight loss on day 3 and had to do three step feeding regime (all breastmilk) for a few days and then had some challenges with tongue tie etc but now at 15 months we are still breastfeeding. No formula since NICU.

  • a lactation consultant will cost circa £200. Midwives have very little breastfeeding training. Ask to see the infant feeding team. Strongly recommend getting support from an ILBCB qualified lactation consultant. Offset the initial investment against formula. You will get through this.
Numbertwenty · 27/01/2023 08:02

PALS aren’t just there for complaints after the problems have happened- call them now and they can help you in real time. They call the ward and question their processes.

Rosebel · 27/01/2023 08:03

I hope you get there today. If not do you know when they will discharge you? I was separated from my baby when he was 2 weeks old and I ended up in hospital with blood clots on my lungs. I didn't even care about how ill I was I just wanted my baby and cried every night.
He is 2 now and we've still got a close bond (he's a bit of a daddy's boy but it's me he wants cuddles from). I thought being apart when he was so young would ruin my bond with him. It absolutely didn't!
Hopefully they will transfer you if the issue is just transport can your husband not come and pick you up?

Blendandmix · 27/01/2023 08:03

The lack of communion here is shocking. Your baby has been taken and you don't know why. This is ridiculous.

You won't be getting your milk yet itl be colostrum, I hand pumped some into a syringe can you do that?xx

I had a c section and my milk arrived on day 3 but she was happy with the colostrum before that.
I hope you get to see your baby soon xx

Natsku · 27/01/2023 08:11

I'm so sorry, I hope you get to be back with your baby soon. Keep trying to express even if not much is coming out (very normal at this stage), the important thing is regular "reminders" to the breasts that they are needed.
I was separated from DD the first night of her life, she had to go to SCBU and I was told I could go and see her and breastfeed during the night whenever I wanted but the midwives on the post-natal ward wouldn't let me go as they had no one spare to push me on the wheelchair. Felt horrible, I was so upset and angry, but at least it was only one night and then she was able to come back to the ward with me.

lionsandwhales · 27/01/2023 08:16

You can do this OP, in a few days you will be together. Your milk will come and you can make up for this time with days and days of cuddles. Once you are home and had time to settle in together you can think about challenging the medical decisions that were made but try not to focus on that now. Can you get your DH to take a you sim one or your tops or a teddy that you have keep in your bra for a while so baby can smell you? Get DH or a nurse to take and send a video of him to watch as many times as you like ( and that may get your milk going too) xx big hugs, you will be together soon.

lionsandwhales · 27/01/2023 08:16

Sim = son !

ShirleyHolmes · 27/01/2023 08:22

Massive hugs OP.
I remember that horrendous feeling of pain and helplessness.
My first baby was transferred to GOSH so children only. I was 150 miles away, post c section. I had held him once and not been able to latch him on and I could hardly express any too. I remember wailing and keening, it was just this awful primeval pain.
I did discharge myself against medical advice but my catheter was out by then.
He was in NICU for 4 weeks so I couldn’t stay with him overnight at GOSH, but they had the most amazing breast pumps and I learnt to pump effectively. When we eventually got home, he was 6 weeks and my amazing midwives helped to get him latched on. He breasted for a year.
He’s a great hulking almost teenager now.
I know it’s awful. You just have to take it an hour at a time. You and your lovely baby will get through this.
I would recommend asking the hospital for a debrief at some stage though - I wish I had done this. I do think I experienced some trauma from that time, and believe it was a factor in subsequent PND so please be kind to yourself, talk about it, ask for help, and allow yourself to grieve - for me at least, I grieved for the loss of those early hours and days without my baby. I couldn’t talk about it for years without crying. It did get better though.
Also, it never affected my bond with him and this is no different than my bond with my daughter who was with me from birth. And he doesn’t remember, he just thinks it’s a cool story!

dontcallitsavvyb · 27/01/2023 08:29

OP it’s terrible that you are away from your new born and it sounds like the team are trying to do what they can to reunite you.

but those posters saying ‘sue them’ ‘complain’ ‘they can’t do this to another family’ etc etc would be the saying the same if baby had been allowed to deteriorate. Ideally maternity services would be co-located with Neonatals and PICUs but this isn’t the case, the patient needs to be where the expertise is. Children, esp newborns, can deteriorate rapidly so the team would have transferred in case baby became more unwell. Honestly, feels like they can’t win.

I really hope you are with your little one soon OP. Keep up with the pumping, your milk won’t be in yet so small amounts at this stage aren’t unusual. Sending you all the best and please try to drown out some of the ridiculous comments here xx

Inastatus · 27/01/2023 08:29

Oh you poor thing, this is such an awful situation and I understand how distressing it must be for you. I hope you have taken some heart from the positive stories on here about successful breastfeeding after similar scenarios. I’ll keep everything crossed for you that you and your baby are reunited today.

LeCarre · 27/01/2023 08:32

I’m so sorry and totally understand. It’s shocking how you’ve been treated. Can your husband maybe come and pick you up?

I hope you’re together really soon xx

Okaaaay · 27/01/2023 08:39

What a horrible experience for you OP - utterly traumatic. I would suggest asking to speak to matron. Explaining your experience and talking through with them the options to get you to your baby today. With anything other than that not being an option. Absolutely horrifying that this has happened, so sorry for you xx

BurbageBrook · 27/01/2023 08:40

Discharge yourself and go. They are not treating you appropriately, the lack of communication and clarity is ridiculous.

FangedFrisbee · 27/01/2023 08:41

dontcallitsavvyb · 27/01/2023 08:29

OP it’s terrible that you are away from your new born and it sounds like the team are trying to do what they can to reunite you.

but those posters saying ‘sue them’ ‘complain’ ‘they can’t do this to another family’ etc etc would be the saying the same if baby had been allowed to deteriorate. Ideally maternity services would be co-located with Neonatals and PICUs but this isn’t the case, the patient needs to be where the expertise is. Children, esp newborns, can deteriorate rapidly so the team would have transferred in case baby became more unwell. Honestly, feels like they can’t win.

I really hope you are with your little one soon OP. Keep up with the pumping, your milk won’t be in yet so small amounts at this stage aren’t unusual. Sending you all the best and please try to drown out some of the ridiculous comments here xx

Yep this. They'd be saying the same thing if the baby was allowed to deteriorate.

Fairlybear · 27/01/2023 08:42

BurbageBrook · 27/01/2023 08:40

Discharge yourself and go. They are not treating you appropriately, the lack of communication and clarity is ridiculous.

Of course anyone can discharge themselves against medical advice, but OP has had a major operation- this advice isn't necessarily sensible. I have had to care for women who have haemorrhaged or had other complications following C section, it's not something to be flippant about.

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