Separated from my newborn. Feels actually painful

[doingitalllagain]

I had my baby yesterday morning via c-section. He came out screaming and all was fine but then 10 minutes later he was taken to be checked very abruptly. I didn't see him again for 4 hours.

I finally got to see him and he was in an incubator. They said his obs were all fine but his breathing was a bit fast so they were going to transfer him to another hospital incase he had an infection. I was sat by him in a wheelchair but nearly fainted so they sent me back to my bed.

They came to get me an hour later saying he's being transferred in 5 minutes to a hospital an hour away, I got to go and have a quick cuddle before he was taken away and after hours of begging was allowed to do some skin to skin and he latched perfectly and had his first breastfeed. Then he was gone.

I couldn't go with him, stable mum not a priority for ambulance, can only go if I discharge myself against medical advice. I had to have a catheter put back in as I couldn't wee. Been told atleast another 24 hours until I can be discharged

The hospital my baby is in is over an hour away. They have said to my husband that baby is absolutely fine, which is brilliant, but makes it feel horrific he's been transferred for no reason. He's not receiving any different care of treatment at SCBU than he was here, it was a precaution but it turned out he didn't need to be transferred and it was most likely just some fluid on lungs. They can't transfer him back though. He's not ready to be discharged for another 48 hours due to antibiotics

I'm in physical pain. I've barely seen my newborn. Held him for just minutes of his life. One breast feed, I am aching for him. I don't know what to do. I can't wait 24-48 more hours.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I know how it feels to be apart from your newborn. I had my DS at 33 weeks, and due to me potentially having covid (I didn’t) I wasnt allowed to see him for 2 days in NICU. Absolutely heartbreaking.

Firstly, it’s brilliant that your baby is so well. I’m glad you are too. You will have to focus on this, and tell yourself this is temporary. I hope you are together today, it’s so upsetting.

Lots of love xxxx

It's good that your husband is with him. Don't worry too much. This will not affect your bond at all. He's got to live with you everyday for the next 18 years . Can you not ask them to remove the catheter ? When I had my DD, they were in no rush to remove it but I wanted to walk about. I asked and it was removed. If not, don't rush your recovery. You need to be well to look after him, hope you are reunited as soon as possible.

Honestly? I’d just get someone to drive me straight there asap. I’d discharge myself and go be with me child.

This is so disgusting it’s happened, I’m so sorry x

I am sorry it has happened this way for you, and I hope they can get you there, or allow you to transfer asap today.

For the milk, do not worry yet... I had baby with me but took 3-4 days for my milk to come in after birth. It will happen :)

I feel you. My newborn was in NICU for 7-10 days. In that country we were only allowed 45 mins with him twice a day. I was bereft. I focused on pumping to establish supply. A very kind nurse also gave me a much needed ‘you got this, you can do this, you have to do this and be strong for your baby’ speech. It sounds mean saying it back but we were alone without any family or friends in country and I needed that to help me focus. It helped to have my husband deal with the doctor communications so I could just pump pump pump. I did it all day long.

Hopefully, like me, this will become a distant memory. I know it feels never ending and the empty feeling is just awful. Don’t stop pushing to be moved. Focus on pumping - don’t worry about your milk or your lack of skin to skin. I went on the BF very easily for 12 months and have the most snuggling affectionate 9 year old I have ever met! Sending you all the best. You will get through this!

This is so stressful to even read, OP.
So upsetting for you.

Please keep us updated when you get reunited.

OP just seen your update and thought I'd share that I was discharged with a catheter (if you still need it - hopefully you don't). You just need to ensure you have the correct follow up in place. X

Oh my god it’s so awful. Have you looked at a photo of your baby while trying to pump? Don’t worry about amounts, just keep doing it until you’re back together and you can feed him yourself.

its so awful to be separated.

OP I'm so so sorry to hear you're going through this. Sending loads of love. I hope you're reunited soon.

I would push for a lactation consultant asap when you're back together so that you can try and get milk supply up

I can’t it imagine what you are going through.

The transfer team were there, medics acknowledge the transfer is not necessary, yet they transfer him because the transfer team were there now. What?

Please don’t blame yourself for not challenging/preventing this, as we always expect medics to act on our baby’s best interest. But to me it seems that they put protocol or convenience above what was best for your son - staying with mum and avoiding unnecessary transfer.

I would be thinking to definitely raise a complaint about this but in the meantime, absolutely get your hubby down there wherever they’ve taken him. Get him to send photos, do skin on skin, take breastmilk to feed your son and send you photos.

How are you feeling in yourself after CS? Are you in an ok position to discharge yourself? As another poster has said I’d be desperate to get to the hospital he’s at too but please think about your own health as well.

If you are ok to travel by car could you and your husband together (once he’s spent couple hours with baby) request to speak to the doctor or consultant you are under? Emphasise your son was moved for no reason in the end and that your plans are to discharge and go to him at this date and time. Say if ambulance becomes available in meantime obviously you’ll go in that. Jot this all down if needed so you and hubby can be a United front. And as mentioned it would be good to keep a record of what happened when so bullet point this if poss.

RE the BF for me milk didn’t come in until a week plus after birth despite being with baby. Everyone’s different and a mash up between BF and FF is in my opinion just fine. I get it though you want to be with him and feed him, this is your right as a mother and it sounds like you made a great start.

Really hope you get to him as soon as possible x

I have had two babies in NICU and with both, I have had around 18hr of no milk. But when the milk returned it looked different. The NICU nurse said, my milk changed from colostrum to actual milk. I used express before birth and it was such a disappointment when my milk disappeared and I was very upset. Don't give up and I hope your milk returns fast.

Eat and drink for now and try to rest. Which is easier said than done.

Just wanted to also say my baby was taken at birth, 5 days in NICU, didn't breastfeed at all til day 6. I know it's tough but I would ask the ward to call the receiving hospital and then get your husband or a taxi to drive you. Present yourself at the other end, if you still have the catheter they won't see you without medical care. Get your husband to advocate for you.

My baby is fine now at 10 months. We are still breastfeeding. Good luck OP

@AnxietyLevelMax sue the hospital? For transferring a new born who medical staff thought might get sicker without specific intervention? Give your head a wobble. They didn't do it for fun for fucks sake. Babies turn for the worse so fast.
I'm sure op would be feeling even worse if he's not been transferred and then got really unwell, no doubt you'd tell her to sue the hospital for not caring enough!

My baby spent four days in NICU and I got hardly produced anything with a pump. But we were able to establish breastfeeding after the four days. Hopefully you will too.
They are doing the best for your baby - luckily it wasn't serious but as a precaution can you really blame them? I'd far rather they took my baby to the best hospital than keep him/her and risk something.

This is terrible. Please contact PALS before they do it to anyone else.

I hope you get to be with your baby very soon.

That's awful 😢

Sorry you've both been through that.

Congratulations!

I understand it was a precaution, it makes it harder being apart from him when it doesn't feel medically necessary but I do understand wanting to err on the side of caution. They did have reason to believe it was infection as my waters broke over a month ago. All I care about is just getting to him. I'm hoping I get an answer soon

This is absolutely terrible. Of course if it was an absolutely necessary step for his heath or yours then sometimes these things have to happen. But you are correct that mothers and infants being kept together is usually a high priority. Like others I would be looking to cause fuss, complain, ask to speak to seniors and put the complaint in now. This is not best practice in relation to infant mental health, or yours, I’m sorry.

Sorry to hear this OP. I know it won't help but newborns aren't transferred unless it's deemed absolutely necessary, do complain when you feel ready but don't get bogged down by posters saying about making a fuss or whatever; its more stress you don't need right now.

Ask the midwives for any food with oats in, stay super hydrated and when you pump (I know it's disheartening when it appears it's not doing anything but it will be)- try popping a sock over the bottle. Hoping you are able to transfer and be with your baby today, congratulations.

I had the same, I got through it by thinking they made a mistake and he didn't need to be taken, but imagine if the mistake was the other way round.

I couldn't get an ambulance for me either, ans this was back in the days where the NHS worked so I self transferred. Take a pillow to hold your stomach whilst in the car and make sure you have been given painkillers.

Keep pumping, doesn't matter if nothing is coming out, the production is stimulated by the action, agree about little and often.

Once you are home ask for a debrief from your midwife. And remember the day three/four blues will kick in, you will feel more overwhelmed and emotional but that is also normal. Keep talking ,keep posting and congratulations.

While you are waiting try and eat and drink lots and sleep if you can. Only pump every few hours but keep doing it, your milk will come in but baby can always have bit of formula or all formula , some do and they are fine. It's not the start you wanted but baby is healthy, dad is with them and you will all be together soon. This is your mum job now to keep calm and be well for baby

My youngest OP is now a strapping 26 six footer. Anyhow he was born at 28 weeks , 2.11lb. He was fed by tube for the 9 weeks he was in the NNU with both baby growing formula and breast milk which I expressed.

he came home and didn’t stop breast feeding until he was two. A woman’s body is an amazing thing OP, keep pumping for your baby. Hope he’s home with you all very soon ❤️

Do be a squeaky wheel. When my DD was born they were cautious because she was warm. I had a horrible experience where they came into my cubicle and examined her then just quickly wheeled her out. I followed them in my pyjamas in confusion and they deliberately closed a locked door in my face so I was left standing in confusion in the corridor. No discussion or reassurance.

I wasn’t rude but I contacted my husband and we assertively complained about the treatment and didn’t consent. Very quickly she was back with me. We stayed together whilst she had antibiotics and was breastfeed and looked after by me, with no checks other than when they came to give antibiotics. When I got her back I witnessed ridiculous behaviour trying to force a bottle, when she’d already latched fine and fed. She had no weight concerns and resumed breast feeding as soon as I held her. She had no further temperature changes or signs of illness and I always wonder if it was either simple overheating or a poorly used thermometer.

I say this because the woman opposite had a similar experience the next day. She was on her own and clearly overwhelmed. In comparison she was discharged without her baby, slept in the corridor and was generally spoken down to awfully. It wasn’t a space issue, another mum who also had a baby with low care needs got to stay and the bed wasn’t filled. It was a really empty week. She was clearly just and easy target for making it easier, and it wasn’t in her interests at all. I got talking to her only afterwards and was shocked in the differences in our experiences and I was embarrassed tbh. The culture and care really wasn’t ok in this hospital, and you can’t always trust. I’m not hospital or nurse bashing, I’ve had 4 positive birth experiences. I’m saying sometimes you can come across behaviours that aren’t ok, and when you do you need to assert yourself within reason when there is a reasonable and accessible solution at hand.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, how are you physically do listen to your body and look after yourself too. I hope the transfer happens asap and you get to be together in the ward.

Try not to stress about the breastfeeding. You need to express 8-10 times in 24 hour periods, don't worry about amount as much right now keep stimulating. If you scroll down on this page you the exclusive expressing (for you only temporarily hopefully you can direct breastfeed later today) there are good links about expressing and hand massage of breasts to stimulate milk
breastfeedingthebrave.com/?page_id=73

This must be so heartbreaking OP. It's good the staff sound like they are getting a plan for you to be together soon. Please ignore the posters who talk about how they would discharge themselves, get a taxi etc. You have had a major operation and have to look after yourself too or you won't be any use to the baby when they can leave hospital! If there is a plan for you to move there in a medically safe way, with check ups and monitoring then great. But please don't just discharge yourself.

Hopefully you can get some comfort from the people on this thread who have been through similar and got through it, or who have established breastfeeding after being separated. However, I would say don't put too much pressure on the breastfeeding. Many many babies are bottle fed for many many reasons and are fine. Even if you weren't separated there are no guarantees breastfeeding would work out for you. It's sad you haven't had the best chance of getting it established, but it's not the be all and end all, do try not to torture yourself about it. Although I do get that pumping is something practical you can do for your baby at the moment which is good.

And try not to look at it as unnecessary. Your baby needed to be in the best place in case they got worse. That was necessary. It sounds like throw away comment that the transfer wasn't needed, probably because they seemed to be improving, but if they sent that ambulance away and then the baby had gone down hill again it probably would have been too late to get them back.