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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Separated from my newborn. Feels actually painful

192 replies

doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:20

I had my baby yesterday morning via c-section. He came out screaming and all was fine but then 10 minutes later he was taken to be checked very abruptly. I didn't see him again for 4 hours.

I finally got to see him and he was in an incubator. They said his obs were all fine but his breathing was a bit fast so they were going to transfer him to another hospital incase he had an infection. I was sat by him in a wheelchair but nearly fainted so they sent me back to my bed.

They came to get me an hour later saying he's being transferred in 5 minutes to a hospital an hour away, I got to go and have a quick cuddle before he was taken away and after hours of begging was allowed to do some skin to skin and he latched perfectly and had his first breastfeed. Then he was gone.

I couldn't go with him, stable mum not a priority for ambulance, can only go if I discharge myself against medical advice. I had to have a catheter put back in as I couldn't wee. Been told atleast another 24 hours until I can be discharged

The hospital my baby is in is over an hour away. They have said to my husband that baby is absolutely fine, which is brilliant, but makes it feel horrific he's been transferred for no reason. He's not receiving any different care of treatment at SCBU than he was here, it was a precaution but it turned out he didn't need to be transferred and it was most likely just some fluid on lungs. They can't transfer him back though. He's not ready to be discharged for another 48 hours due to antibiotics

I'm in physical pain. I've barely seen my newborn. Held him for just minutes of his life. One breast feed, I am aching for him. I don't know what to do. I can't wait 24-48 more hours.

OP posts:
EllieEllie · 27/01/2023 08:43

I’m so sorry, it’s the most hideous feeling. Like being a bewildered animal in terrible pain. I’m so sorry.

My baby was taken to SCBU, same hospital but different floor and I couldn’t get to him for 24 hours and then only when someone had time to put me in a wheelchair and wheel me there. It was horrific but it must be so much worse knowing he’s so far away. I had the same fears and traumas about trying to establish breastfeeding, some days able to pump almost nothing, but it was fine in the end and I managed to exclusively bf with no problems after we got home after 2 weeks in hospital. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Getting my own normal pump in hospital helped massively, the giant hospital one terrified me and was like a torture device.

It’s real trauma, but you will be ok and you will both get through it without being damaged by it.

Winniepoo · 27/01/2023 08:45

Oh hon I've been where you are and it's fucking awful. I know it doesn't feel like it but they honestly wouldn't have sent him to SCUBU for no reason, as I learned with mine, the situation can change very quickly and time can be very important. Being transferred to SCUBU when he was saved my babies life, if he'd been on any other ward they simply wouldn't have been able to react in time with the right personnel and staff. They'll be giving him excellent care and apart from feeding he's probably just sleeping. You'll be with him very soon and this WILL become a distant memory in time 💓💐

wyntersuhn · 27/01/2023 08:47

OnlyTheWeedsGrow · 27/01/2023 03:32

OP, I can feel your pain in your words. It made me cry, remembering when my DC was born, and similar occurred.

Regarding the pumping, get someone to send you a photo of your baby (and try to get a physical copy too, not just on a screen) and look at it whilst you pump. That’s what they did for me, and it really helped with the pumping.

I hope you soon have your little one in your arms, where he belongs. 💐

Yep, absolutely get a photo. My twins were born prematurely and were in high needs care for 5 weeks. I had many lonely pumping sessions but having photos to look at really helped with pumping. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, how devastating.

ilovesushi · 27/01/2023 08:47

Bless you. That is so hard. Will they consider kangaroo care where the baby is placed on your chest? Can your DH advocate for you? This is very traumatic but you will be reunited and you will both be okay.

Pippylongstock · 27/01/2023 08:50

I am so sorry you’re going through this. my son developed an infection at birth and I couldn’t hold him for the first 48 hours. It was horrific and I can’t imagine not even being able to sit by the bedside. I know it’s absolutely zero confort right now, but it will end and you will be reunited. I managed to establish breast feeding after my son was in NICU for 8 days. We just did a lot of skin to skin. Pumping barely worked. Some NICU have breast milk banks where women donate. It might be worth asking?

alicewasahorse · 27/01/2023 08:51

I really feel for you. Something similar happened to me 6 years ago with my son (although I was sick not him, I had an infection after a C-section and my son got to go home at 3 days old and I didn't). That feeling of separation and lack of control was horrific even though my husband was with him. I could still cry thinking about it.
I hope you get to the other hospital this morning, I can only imagine how upsetting this is. Flowers

BelleMarionette · 27/01/2023 08:53

OP, sorry you are having such a tough time, but be reassured they would have transferred your baby for a good reason. They clearly need a higher level of care than the hospital you are in is able to provide. With newborns, they can deteriorate very quickly, so an abundance of caution is needed.

It sounds like you will be discharged imminently, and will be able to join your baby at the other hospital.

Oblomov22 · 27/01/2023 08:53

Do you have anyone to advocate for you. Either your husband or mum or close friend. You need someone very calm, but strong. Ask for the ward sister. Do not Do the talking. Let the person advocate for you. It will then comes across as stronger.

Get them to Say that you are extremely unhappy. You can't understand why baby transferred because you can't understand the benefits (ie . If baby is still only receiving antibiotics then he can leave SCBU ). Ask if that is correct. She will correct you if it isn't.

Ask, moving forward what can be done. Because baby should be with mother and this is damaging. What does she suggest to find resolution.

You need to ask. Be firm.

LemonPledge555 · 27/01/2023 08:57

There is some lovely advice already, but call the National Breastfeeding Helpline, they will support you through this.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

mightymam · 27/01/2023 08:58

Oh love, I feel for you. Something similar happened to me. Drink lots of water and get some rest- that helps the BF and will keep you sane when you're reunited with your little one. It's a shit situation and there's nothing you can do so may as well prepare yourself for when you see your baby again.

BTphonehome · 27/01/2023 08:59

OP, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine the agony it must be causing you.

However, please be careful. There’s an awful lot of posters here saying ‘just discharge yourself and get a taxi’ I had a c section last year, it’s major surgery, the fact that you still need a catheter indicates your body is still processing things. I did too much after my c section and ended up, away from my baby for a night, back in hospital with an infection and it was awful. If you haemorrhage, you’ll be away from your baby even longer, potentially putting your own life at risk.

Please only go to your baby if you definitely feel well enough and be very careful on the journey over.

Whatever happens, I hope you get to be with your baby ASAP.

Parentandteacher · 27/01/2023 08:59

Write a formal letter of complaint (or get your husband to!) and also cc pals. Mention research of baby and mother mental health etc. My child had to be transferred and I went in the same ambulance. You probably don’t need an ambulance transfer (they are way more painful than a car post c section, as long as you are stable) as long as the other hospital agree to admit you once you arrive.

braid · 27/01/2023 08:59

If you are still trying to pump in a different hospital ask your husband to send you a video of your baby. The noise of your child may help your body to release milk. I too had the experience of my baby being lifted away because breathing was fast. SCBU was in the same hospital and I went up every few hours to try and feed her. Still it was very distressing. My husband advocated hard for me and we got her out of SCBU and into a single room with me. My first hard gained colostrum was accidentally ruined by the SCBU nurses. It was tough but we got out and I breastfed her though I had sore nipples which I think was a result of the lack of breastfeeding support in hospital. This is all 20 years ago. I hope you are back with your baby very soon.

Skylark1990 · 27/01/2023 09:00

I would get your partner to drive you to the hospital and discharge yourself, even if against medical consent - if you are feeling OK. It sounds like you need to be with baby and he needs you too. Yes the action was done with good intentions, but ultimately they were not thinking about the very important aspect of keeping mum and baby together. This is paramount especially if baby has an infection - BF will help him fight it off. I honestly can't believe they transferred him when he didn't need to be, as a precaution - if he was breathing they should have let you do more skin to skin and BF, this would have helped ... I'd be complaining at a high level about this when you have the strength. I hope you're OK. Sending love xxx

EllieEllie · 27/01/2023 09:01

If you can’t get there today, cuddle a soft blanket for a while and then get your husband to take that blanket to the baby and give you one that’s been with the baby, so you can smell each other. Helps with the trauma and with pumping. And ask if there’s a lactation consultant you can see, either now or when you’re reunited. I found most of the midwives weren’t fussed about helping me establish bf but the lactation consultant was brilliant, but you have to ask for them and be persistent. If there isn’t someone based in the hospital find out if there’s someone in the community who can come in and help.

Skylark1990 · 27/01/2023 09:03

Also re breastfeeding - as you had him yesterday, it will probably mostly be colostrum at this point? That's very normal - keep hand expressing it so you can give it to him when you are with him - and then once you're with him keep him close and your milk will come in. As others have said, stress can impact milk production but it will come back.

I really hope you can get to baby today x

EllieEllie · 27/01/2023 09:04

I wouldn’t mess about discharging yourself, your baby needs you alive and healthy more than they need you there today and you’ve just had a major operation.

Oblomov22 · 27/01/2023 09:04

Do you still have a catheter in? When is that being taken out? Ask nurse what you have to do to facilitate this and to get discharged.

You are going to have to stand up for yourself, ask, advocate, press. Because wards are so understaffed these days of you don't press, nothing happens to you.

MarshaBradyo · 27/01/2023 09:08

This sounds so hard but I agree with pp there was a risk which had been lowered, but it’s far better than the other way round

I know it’s tough though, keep pumping BM and try to sleep

Olivesandhoney · 27/01/2023 09:09

So sorry you're going through this. I have been here and it is agonising. I know nothing anyone can say will help how you are feeling so I will spare you the 'it will be over before you know it' speech. Please feel free to message me though if you need extra support. I was unable to see my baby for 2 weeks after birth so I feel your pain ❤️

Justalittlebitduckling · 27/01/2023 09:11

That sounds devastating, OP I am so sorry. And how frustrating that it seems like it could have been avoided.

Try and focus on the things you can control: get the most sleep you can, eat as much healthy food as you can and try to rest and recover from the birth so that when you take your baby home you will be in the strongest place to be the best mum you can possibly be.

Grieve the real grief that you will not get this precious time back with your baby. That’s real and your feelings are sooo valid. But also try to hold that in balance with gratitude for the fact that you have delivered a baby who is going to be healthy and strong, and this is just the start of your amazing life together.

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 27/01/2023 09:20

I'm so sorry that this is so different to how you we'd all want it to be. I know you must feel absolutely wretched.

I don't know whether this will offer you any comfort but I can think of many babies who ended up having some formula feeds in their first few days. I was hell bent on breastfeeding but my milk was very slow to come in and DD's weight plummeted so she had some formula feeds. It wasn't until day 5 that I'd say my milk really came in.

Re pumping milk, it can be a soul-destroying task. I was no good at pumping and sometimes wouldn't get a drop. Your best chance for getting your milk going while you're separated is to rest as much as possible and eat some good calories (as a friend or someone to bring in some proper food) and keep really well hydrated. These things really do make a difference to milk output.

I know this situation feels absolutely enormous now and I'm not trying to minimise it, but you will be with your lovely baby soon enough and this will gradually fade into a distant memory. I'd suggest that in a couple of months time you ask for a birth experience debrief though as this has been traumatic and you may find you need to go through everything that has happened to help process it.

MollyRover · 27/01/2023 09:21

doingitalllagain · 27/01/2023 02:43

Pumping and nothing is coming out. I got 60ml out for him yesterday and now nothing. It's like I'm drying up instantly. I'm so worried this will ruin our breastfeeding journey before it even starts. I just ache for him Sad

Please try not to worry about this. In all likelihood when you do get back to him everything will work fine. Babies stomachs are so tiny the amount that they can take in is minuscule in the first few days. Best wishes to you all and I hope that you will get back to eachother asap xxx

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/01/2023 09:27

Hi OP, don't worry about the BFing. Ask for a hospital strength pump if they haven't given you one already, a proper Medela on a stand.

My twins couldn't be held for a while after birth and were fed intravenously on dextrose solution (!). I pumped, and gradually they could have milk in their NG tubes... then they were strong enough to have a bottle feed of milk.... then they could feed from the breast.... both ended up BFing till 10 mos.

Ask for your son to have a dummy if possible. Helps with the sucking reflexes.

Crayfishforyou · 27/01/2023 09:29

I’m sending you hugs OP.
Please don’t panic about the breastfeeding. It is mostly colostrum for a few days and that is barely anything. It won’t dry up, it really won’t, and your baby will know what to do as soon as you are reunited.

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